Post # 25
This guy was a friend of the family though. That’s where I feel this is different. And I’m pretty sure any legit vendor isn’t going to wait until the day before to tell you his fee. Although again, when the word ‘fee’ was mentioned, the OP and her DH should have followed up on that.
He wasn’t required to bring a gift (no guest is) but like the OP said – he’s having his cake and eating it too (literally). He’s being a vendor and a ‘friend’. Like the OP pointed out – the price for a vendor meal was much lower. I didn’t invite my florist or limo driver to the reception – their job was over by then. So was this officiant’s. But as a friend, she invited him and his wife.
I don’t think I’d really call it a scam – but he definitely took advantage of the couple and in the future, they know where they stand.
And many, many professions are low-pay and high demand. If he was giving up precious free time he could have spent with his child to do their wedding – he could have skipped the reception.
Post # 26
It sounds like he would’ve been invited to the wedding regardless of performing the ceremony based on your comments about his family being invited to all of your family functions and vice versa. So, I don’t think that they stayed and ate dinner for $200 a plate is relevant at all since he would’ve done that regardless. He did mention a fee and it was unprofessional to not discuss it at length before the day before the wedding, but you also admit you let it slide even after he said he wanted to discuss the fee with your fiance.
I don’t think it sounds like a scam at all, it sounds like a lack of communication. Maybe he usually charges much more and the discounted fee you got was also your “gift”. Or maybe they didn’t bring a gift, but I don’t think that is anything to get that worked up over. It’s frustrating especailly if you assumed it would be a free service as a favor to you guys, but that definitely should have been hashed out earlier and that is a mistake on both of your parts.
Post # 27
We always intended to invite him and his wife because they were friends of the family. My issue is that you can’t have it both ways especially if you were not upfront about the fee. I didn’t meet with any other vendor who “forgot” to mention a fee at our initial meeting. Should I not have assumed? Of course. The money isn’t the issue though. It just felt shady is all.
To the financial hardship part – he managed to mention how he was at the car dealership earlier that day (initial meeting) buying another BMW. That’s a second in addition to the one they already own.
Post # 28
I don’t disagree with what he did, but I don’t like the way he did it. Everyone I have heard of pays their officiant a fee, but this guy should have been more upfront with you about it in the beginning.
In terms of them eating, I think that is fair enough – especially considering they often come to your family events and you theirs.
Also, I don’t think they need to give you a gift – they already gifted you by helping you to become legally married – the most important part of the day. 🙂