Post # 1
Hi bees. I am an annonymous regular – I didn’t want anyone to know I am feeling this way.
Lately I have been questioning my future. I love my Fiance dearly, but I am scared of the unknown. Fiance doesn’t make much money, but he is a good, kind, hardworking man. I am just starting out with my career and make next to nothing. It will be a LONG time before I begin to reap the benefits of my college degree. Starting out at the low end of the totem poll has made me very depressed.
Fiance and I are struggling financially. Even though we always find a way to make ends meet, we never have any money for anything extra. Everything goes to bills, gas and food. We can not buy clothing, shoes, or anything extra; we can’t go on dates, trips or vacations. We can’t even go out to dinner or go to the movies because we literally can not spend a dime outside of our alloted budget. I used to live with my parents who did not make me pay rent. I had the luxury of getting my hair done, my nails done, and at least one outfit a week. I always had the best clothes and people always commented on how well put together I was. I know I was spoiled, but it is hard to go to a life like this from one I was accustomed to. Now I am walking around with a broken pair of boots because I just can’t afford another pair. It’s so embarassing.
I am scared about our future because I don’t know if we will ever be in a good spot financially. I know it breaks my FI’s heart that he can not provide for me the way I am used to, and he does his best. But I’m still sad. I feel like it’s not enough. I have been busting my ass at a job that pays me nothing of what I am worth and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. We live in a crappy appartment, and are getting ready to sign another year long lease because it’s all we can afford.
How will we ever afford a house? How can we afford to have children if we can’t even put clothes on our own backs? Fiance keeps reassuring me that it will get better, but how does he know that?? What if things get worse? I am so sad and I just feel like crying. I feel hopeless and like nothing will ever get better.
Is anyone else feeling this way? I need advice bees.
Post # 5
I’d say that pretty selfish to not want to be with someone for that reason. Or be scared of a future with someone for that reason either, thats not fair to him why should he be the one who has to make sure you have all the nice things. If you dont like your job get a new one, dont expect him to make sure you have everything you want not need ever thought maybe there is stuff that he wants and cant have because you cant afford to buy him it. Yah sure it would be nice but thats defiently not something to be dwelling on. My fiance and I struggle all the time but we know that money doesnt mean happiness our love is whats going to get us through everything. So maybe start thinking that I love this guy and he loves me so who cares if we cant buy new clothes every week or get your hair done and think man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with an amazing man.
Post # 6
PS sorry for sounding harsh didnt mean for it to come out that way
Post # 7
It sounds like you are very discouraged right now. Take pride in the work you and your Fiance do and things will get better. Have you considered a second job? I used to waitress on the weekdends, so basically worked 60-65 hours per week to elimate my school loan debt. It was rough working 7 days/week and not ideal, but it was worth it. Only you can be responsible for your destiny! If this is the man you want to be with, you guys can make it work.
Post # 8
I’m scared too, I think it’s normal. Just try to figure out the absolute most important thing, is it being with him or keeping a certain lifestyle (imperative that you’re honest with yourself here otherwise you both risk making a mistake). If it’s him then work hard and hope for the best financially. If it’s the lifestyle then if you go through with it then you’ll be miserable and he’ll feel like a failure too. I’m used to being broke, I don’t like it, but I’d rather be broke and happy than affluent and alone. And *hugs* no judginess. And best of luck.
Post # 9
Fiance doesn’t make much money, but he is a good, kind, hardworking man.
do you realize how hard it is to find these qualities in a person? That’s more important than money.
Now I realize that money is necessary to live but don’t shortchange your Fiance.
Post # 10
Phew! I thought I was the only one in this boat. 🙂 The entire time we’ve been planning our wedding, I have felt this way. I try to remain hopeful, but, most days, it’s a struggle. People keep asking me “Are you getting married still? You just don’t seem excited about it…” Part of me wants to snap @ them & the other part of me wonders, “Do they see something about me that I don’t want to see?”
Post # 11
I just wanted to chime in here and say that I totally get where you’re coming from. Ever since I met my H, its been one financial mishap after another and its very discouraging to realize that my standard of living has gone down due to his problems. Bad finances are always a stressful situation, but try to focus on all the things you do have instead of all the things you don’t. It takes more than money to live a rich life.
Post # 12
If mom and dad spoiled you that much at home, would they be willing to help you out for little things you REALLY need (like replacing broken boots) until your careers take-off? I know it’s not really a resposibility since you don’t live at home and I don’t expect they’d give you an allowance or take you out all the time but little things like that. I’ve asked for a winter coat for an early birthday present as an example because my last year’s coat was torn really bad.
Post # 13
@mrskrumpet: She never said anything about not wanting to be with him, that was an assumption on your own part.
To a degree I think it’s normal to go from your parents’ paycheck to your own, and being wary if you can actually hack it. You have to remember that your parents weren’t always stable finacially either, they had to work their way up – you will too, and you will be lucky to have a loving person to do it with you. Give it some time for your career to develop, and just make sure you know the line between asking your Fiance for support verse taking it out on him.
Post # 14
I’m sorry you feel so discouraged, but what you’re saying is REALLY selfish.
How would you feel if you found out your Fiance was thinking of leaving you because you don’t make enough? I’m sure if he saw this it would break his heart. If you are honestly thinking about not marrying him for this reason, then you have no business marrying him at all.
We all start at the bottom of the totem pole, and it sucks. BIG TIME. But that’s the way the working world is, unfortunately. Your choices are to power through it and suck it up, or give up and move back in with your parents.
I know I might sound harsh, and I really don’t mean to, but I think you might need a reality check about what is and isn’t important. Be happy that you are able to even afford the roof over your head, and food on the table….there are a lot of people who can’t even do that.
Post # 15
As someone who has NEVER had any extra money, as a youth or an adult, I am not accustomed to all the extras and fineries in life you are missing right now.
It’s hard. There’s a recession going on. You are working hard to make life better for yourselves, and eventually it WILL pay off. You say he is a kind, hard working man. Love IS more important than money.
Post # 16
I think in a situation like this looking at the long term is important. I can (kinda) relate to where you are coming from, I quit my job and moved 1000 miles away to be with Fiance and at the time we agreed he would not financially support me, so all of my money went towards rent, utilities, car payments etc. Before I moved I lived in an apartment my parents owed, I didn’t pay rent, I didn’t have car payments and I liked to shop. To have these new expenses without an income (I had savings but everything was budgeted) was very stressful and I often found myself very upset to the point of crying that I could no longer afford the things that I could before. I still feel this way time to time, I make 40% less now and I can hardly save anything but we will combine finances after the wedding. Fiance does have a good job and he would help, especially when things were particularly dire, so my situation was different, and now I do have a job but it took a full year to find one, and a year of feeling like that is a long time.
Is it possible for you to look for another job? I know some job markets are still particularly bad so it may not be the solution you need. You say FH is hardworking, is his future expected income going to stay the same? Is it possible for him to go to school or get some sort of certification that would improve his earning ability? How long do you expect it will take you to be where you need to be salary wise? You may be able to talk to your supervisor about the projected career path you are on and the expected salaries along the way.
If you can get a better idea of where you will be in a few years I think you can plan better. Sorry I don’t have anything better to say, I think a lot of people starting out don’t have much, it just is a lot harder when you are giving up things you are accustomed to.