Scared about Wedding Planning, not even engaged yet?!

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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oliviapiper99 :  Hi Olivia! Take a deep breath and enjoy this time as well as the time after you are engaged, you announce your engagement whenever you want!! I texted all my family like 15 minutes after (we were at a zoo so we were not alone in a romantic place 😆). Wedding planning has been stressful, not going to lie and that is with a large budget as my fiancé and I are on the older side and well established in our careers. A 10-12k wedding is certainly possible and can be beautiful!!! We did not set a date until we found our venue, so basically we knew the month/year and picked our date based on the availability of the venue. 

Post # 3
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2221 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

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oliviapiper99 :  tell people whenever you want after you’re engaged. We called family and friends and then stuck it on Facebook. It got a bit overwhelming for me to be honest but it does calm down. When you see people you for the first time people will ask loads of questions about the wedding, when it will be, where, they’ll assume they’re invited. Just smile and say “we’re enjoying being engaged for the moment” and don’t give any details until later.

Then with your partner, discuss what you are both willing to spend – assume nobody else contributes then you can definitely afford it and what are the priorities for you two. A wedding doesn’t have to cost the earth. One way to keep costs down is to have less guests but there are many other ways. There’s hundreds of blogs out there about cheaper weddings to give you loads of inspiration.

Setting a date will depend on different things. We got married in winter because the venue cost was cheaper but it also worked with work schedules. If you want a specific venue, your date might be set by when you get an available date. Once you have a date and a venue, work through your list of priorities until you’ve spent your budget and when the budget runs out, stop. 

Families were the big source of stress for us, they have views of how weddings should go. So if it doesn’t break your budget and doesn’t compromise one of your priorities, give in and let the families have it. It’s not the hill to die on. If it’s your priority, stand your ground.

Post # 4
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee

discuss what you are both willing to spend – assume nobody else contributes then you can definitely afford it and what are the priorities for you two.

Agree 100% with 

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loz24

Post # 5
Member
2145 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I mean I’m not gonna lie it sucks. I don’t like planning, guest list is stressful, venue hunting isn’t fun either. 

1) lower your expectations. Venues you visit are pretty business focused and don’t tour you around with champagne like in the movies. Have your game face on, negotiate. 

2) lock down vendors ASAP and the venue ASAP. Doing this gave me a big sense of peace. When that’s all booked it feels way more solid and not stressful.

3) email rsvp’s save money and I really liked how easy it is to track. I can see when people open then, I can see when they rsvp and i didn’t need a wedding website since it was all in the invite details. We used green envelope. 

4) Do not invite people thinking they won’t come. This was our biggest mistake. We invited certain people assuming they wouldn’t come. Well many of them are, it’s annoying and stressful. So only invite who you actually want there. I wanted small like 65 and it’s looking like 120 people now. 

5) I planned our wedding for 4 months after we got engaged. I can’t imagine spending an entire year of my life worrying about it and planning it. A year of wedding crap would have driven me insane. So don’t feel like you have to do that. I couldn’t be happier to just get it done. And I was still able to find all the vendors and venue I wanted at good prices even so last minute. 

6) Eloping is actually great. Now that we have gone through this planning process it makes you realize eloping really has its benefits. Low stress, low cost, and the people you want there will be. I would have eloped with just close family, and a few friends and told anyone who got upset they weren’t invited that it wasn’t about them. Don’t spin your wheels trying to please everyone. 

7) for me the rsvp’s have been the most stressful. Set a rsvp by date that is earlier than you think you need. Bc people don’t need excessive amounts of time to decide, your gonna have to chase people down for a rsvp and it’s a pain in the ass. For us doing email invites made it so easy for people to rsvp, I can’t imagine the stress of waiting for people to mail in rsvps. That sounds like hell to me. 

Post # 6
Member
2646 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Take a deep breath, if wedding planning is stressing you out this much already, elope.

Honestly we had a 40k wedding thanks to my parents ideas and shit and I really wish we’d just eloped and made it about us.

Also keep in mind some venues book two years in advance so you may be limited. Our venue and photographer we booked two years in advance because they were that booked. Maybe have a longer engagement if you’re stressed?

I’m GAD and I can honestly tell you I was the most stressed out I’ve ever been during wedding planning. Seriously. Not even when I was pregnant was I as stressed out as I was during planning my wedding.

Post # 7
Member
10452 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Look the only thing that matters on your wedding day is that at the end of the day you are married to the person you love.

Throughout our engagement my husband and I always joked that it theme was “We do what we want!” It really doesn’t have to be stressful at all. 

Post # 8
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

We were on vacation when we got engaged, being away for 1 more week until we came home. We kept it to ourselves for the rest of our vacation and I’m so glad we did. We shared with our families and close friends either in person or over the phone in the week we came home. Then I put it on facebook after 3 weeks after.

Have the wedding that YOU can afford. I think that people shoud have the wedding that they can afford. Unless they offer, I think it’s akward to ask people how much they can contribute. We were engaged for 22 months so we had enough time to plan. We got engaged in August and I wanted to get married May or June. For me, 9/10 months wasn’t enough. Our wedding was on a Friday, which also saved us 10% on the venue.

Post # 9
Member
5117 posts
Bee Keeper

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oliviapiper99 :  How do you eat an elephant? The answer is one bite at a time. Apply the same logic to wedding planning, one thing at a time, don’t be tempted to rush. Don’t get hung up on worrying about the reception, it’s just a big party. Or if it’s too much for you, you and your fiance could go off on a vacation and get married.

You have lots of choices. Remember that you have the final decision. Don’t let family members talk you into something you can’t afford or don’t want. Your fiance could talk to his parents and see if they would offer money to help pay for the wedding. Some parents do this, some parents do not.  Some parents say they’ll pay and when the bill comes they suddenly realize that they can’t afford it.  In the end it’s best to have the wedding you can afford, and don’t worry if you can’t afford the “best”.  It really doesn’t matter, and in a few short years no one is going to talk about your wedding – or care. So don’t get hung up on what is essentially a big party.

Post # 10
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2020 - Scotland

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oliviapiper99 :  take a deep calming breath. Okay. Once he proposes, take some time (my fiancé and I took almost a week and a half!) to enjoy it yourselves before you tell everyone and post on social media. Tell like immediate family and maybe a very close friend or two but it’s fun to be able to enjoy it just the two of you for a bit. Now for planning the wedding. This can be done as slowly or as quickly as you want! Venues can be booked so far in advance that it gives you plenty of time to figure out every other detail in the months/years until your actual wedding date. The first step is figuring out where and when you’d like to be married (and what is in your budget). Everything else flows from there. The time of year and venue of your wedding offers automatic input on type of dress (sleeves, Ballgowns etc), flowers, colors, vendors, etc etc. 

As for being short on funds? Don’t sweat it. You can go as small as you want/need to because at the end of the day, ITS YOUR DAY. Go to the courthouse and then take some special people out to dinner if you have to, the important thing is that you get married.  Have a backyard wedding or find an inexpensive room and DIY decorate the crap out of it. There are so many things that can be done if you just have the patient to figure out how to do them. 

Just remember: step one: BE SO HAPPY BECAUSE OMG YOURE GETTING ENGAGED AND HOLY CRAP ITS JUST THE BEST FEELING EVER

and step two: remember that you don’t have to do everything all at once. 

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