Post # 1
I’m getting so scared to get married. I know I want to marry my fiance. But it just seems that nothing is going my way.
Being in a different country I have no friends and no family fussing over me or helping me. It feels like Christmas with no family. It doesn’t even feel like I’m getting married.
My fiancÃ©e family isn’t caring because his brother pushed infront of us to get married before us so were not getting any help
I really just don’t want it anymore. It feels like a waste of money to have no one there I like. I’m not even excited due to having no one to discuss with and get excited with.
I have told my fiance I don’t want to get married but ge really wants too. I want to as well but for the amount of money and stress I think it should wait until I at least have friends and able to have a good time.
Were fighting more and more because I’m feeling like I’m wasting money and getting nothing to what I want. I can live forever with my fiance not being married as a wedding is just a party. And what’s a party with no one to celebrate with?
What do you think? Any words of advice?
Post # 3
@misswhiteflower: Have you thought about eloping? Just you and your FI?
Will your family/friends come to the wedding? Could you have the wedding (or just a party) in your home country so you can be with your family and friends to celebrate?
Are you paying for the whole thing yourself?
Post # 4
Yes paying all ourselves.
I have suggested just eloping but he wants The real thing.
Can’t have it in my country as it’s too far away and very expensive.
I had all these dreams you know. Purposing everyone happy. Everyone helping me arranging the wedding getting fitted in my dress with my friends.
But the fact is it went nothing like I planned. I’ve given up everything to be with my fiance and I just wanted this to be perfect but intact it’s so far off it. He is the one. But I now feel using the money to travel is better spent.
Like can u imagine having no one but ur fiance to discuss everything with. Just him. Going to try your wedding dress alone. Can you imagine how my bubble has bust. This happy time is just becoming a chore.
Post # 5
And I’m scared that. Having a wedding now will not be what I dreamed off and if we waited it might have been better.
I don’t no. And the fights between the brothers. Really for me the joy is gone
Post # 6
I guess for me it’s kind of the opposite. My family is planning my entire wedding, without me. I picked out my dress and the colors, but they’re doing everything else because I’m stationed overseas and can’t be of much help. My family will see my wedding dress before I do. We’re also paying for the wedding. It still kind of sucks. Like you, I had an idea in my head of how planning our wedding would be, and it’s not like what I was thinking at all.
Is there a way you could have some of your friends/family travel to your wedding? I know you said your country is far away, but perhaps you could do a more intimate ceremony and reception, and then the money you save by doing a smaller wedding can be used to assist with their travel expenses? It could be worth at least looking into.
Even if you are able to do that, I know it won’t change the fact that the people you are close to aren’t able to help you plan it. But at the same time, it could be nice to surprise them completely if they are able to attend.
Another thought, I know a lot of places may not allow it, but if you explained the circumstances, perhaps some places would allow you to Skype or something like that with your family/friends while trying on dresses. And if they can’t attend your wedding, you could do the same thing with Skype, so that they can “be there” in a way.
Are you able to email or facebook with your family/friends? That is how my family is involving me in the planning. We also use pinterest a lot. If you are able to, you might consider doing that. It’s not as good as having them there with you, but I feel like it’s better than nothing. Just some thoughts. I know our situations aren’t the same, but feel free to message me.
Post # 7
It started off like your wedding, my fiancÃ©e parents were so into our wedding and trying to help but then a month later his brother says there getting married before us. So then I was left.
Skype can’t happen. Most places won’t even let me take photos of dresses I try. And my family can’t come. Just my dad and sister. My mum doesn’t want to fly.
So I’m like trying to do this all on my own with no idea.
I feel so upset since I’ve given up my career my family my evetthing. I’m totally starting over even new language and struggling to find a job.
Yet I can’t have this. I really just want something for me that show I’m appreciated for everything I’ve given up. Is that too much to ask? Like my fiance didn’t even put any effort into the purposal. He doesn’t even know what type of ring he got me. And it’s a flower. He thought it was something else. It’s not even an engagement ring. I just feel like everything I have told him tgat I dream of is not being done. I’m even getting married as a lonely bride. Can I just have one thing I like and is thought for me?
Post # 8
@misswhiteflower: Can you put the wedding plans on hold for a bit and work on your relationship with your FI?
It sounds like you are having some communication issues.
Would you be willing to do some pre-marital counseling in order to get your communication up to a point where you can both be open with each other and fuly listen to each other?
He should be listening to your concerns. Having your family there is important and he should understand that. Could you go home to go shopping with your mom? Just so you could have that experience? Or plan an “at home” reception after the wedding?
Dopping everything for somene you love can be really hard but he needs to be treating you like an equal partner and respecting your feelings and wishes rather than dictating what the wedding will be like and ignoring your desires.
If he’s doing this with wedding plans, I’d worry about him doing it with all important life decisions from now on.
Post # 9
I also moved to another continent to be with my SO so I know a little bit how you are feeling.I also do not have really good friends who can go dress shopping with me or people on my level to discuss wedding preparations with (I am 26 and most of my friends in this country are about 20/21 and they are at this stage, still very much into partying).
When I went dress shopping (granted, at least I had people who could go with me), I asked for a Skype meeting with my parents and friends from back home (ie. friends who really know me and know my taste and I also trust their taste), but the shop said that was not possible. Silly, if you ask me but heck, I’m just one person and I need to get my dress SOMEWHERE.
I wanted to elope as well but my fiancé wanted a small (40-50 people) wedding at the very least.
I understand your feeling about spending all this money on something you won’t even like but realize that this is important to your fiancé as well. Perhaps you could compromise? Ask him to have a much smaller wedding with maybe about 20-30 people max, a simple dress, simple meal etc. and have a nice honeymoon which BOTH of you will enjoy?
Post # 10
Well we communicate. I tell him exactly. There is no if”s or buts.
I tell how I feel. But he doesn’t get it.
I guess the whole moving country is getting to me. Ive told him he needs to show me he loves me and appreciates what I’ve done. As I do want to go home. I’m only here for him and his job.
Like I said I want a dinner done by him for me or think of somewhere to go without me telling. Like he really needs to show he knows me. But he doesn’t. He purposed after me telling I wanted it a surprise… So he told me on the day he will purpose so no surprise. I said I wanted a romantic dinner made by him…no dinner. I wanted a ring that was one diamond. Nothing expensive just simple. I got a flower ring that isn’t an engagement ring.
It might sound selfish but I’ve got nothing since moving here. I just really want something that’s for me.
I make sure the house is clean abd he has dinner on the table when he gets home and yes I work. I put effort into doing everything I can to make him happy. So I’m not getting what I want for the wedding at least what he can control he should put effort.
Post # 11
@misswhiteflower: You may be talking to him, but there is a communication disconnect.
If this relationship is going to work you need ot have two way communication. Right now it sounds like he’s taking you for granted and treating you a bit like a doormat.
Post # 12
Also, I recently moved abroad with my husband after getting married. I know no one here. We moved for his work and I am still trying to find a job.
However, we have very open communication about how hard this is for me and he has been very supportive of me and helping me to do things that make me happy while I’m adjusting to life in a new country.
We are a team in this and he knows that we moved for him and his job and he wants to make sure I am happy too since I gave up so much to come here.
Your FI should be doing the same for you.
Post # 14
You know what it is..
I think you’re facing culture shock. You uprooted yourself for him. Now, you’re in a country for him and you have nothing. In a way, you live only for him and you think, heck, this would be worth it if he’s at least the best guy in the world ever, if he treats me really well etc.etc.etc. You are not in the wrong but also realize that he’s also under stress (you are under way more stress than him though!). He probably doesn’t realize how much pressure, stress and all that you are under because he hasn’t experienced the whole “I’m useless, I moved” etc. situation.
Edited because Too Much Information
You need to have a proper talk with him and I hope he understands you. Also, try to find a hobby/class and meet one or two people who moved abroad for their partners as well (in your area). Basically, you need to have your own life too and not just live his or you will explode some day.
Post # 15
And what makes it worse is he doesn’t even know what type of ring it is. I told him it’s a flower and he thought it was a diamond shaped diamond. Omg!!! How much effort did he put into this. It’s 100% a flower. It’s even says it in the ring discription.
Post # 16
Yes sounds like what’s happening with me. I have made friends but tgey end up leaving back or they are mums most of the time. And if I go to classes they speak a language I don’t understand.
I still go but makes it very hard to get inti another group when they all want to speak there language which is fair their country and all.
But yes. I think I need to talk to him and stop thinking I’m pushing him or I’m asking too much.