Post # 46
This all sounds very stereotypical, like others have said, I would ask your fiancé what his family’s typical customs at weddings and family get-together and events are. Btw, people do all of those things you mentioned that are from all types of culture and backgrounds, don’t believe everything you read.
Post # 47
This is the same OP who wrote a thread about how assimilated (to her white American culture) her SO is but his family are just so mexican and can’t even speak english and how much of a problem that is.
OP you really need to take a good hard look at what you have written and realise that you are the problem here.
Also are your SO’s family wealthy Mexicans? Because if not then a formal black tie wedding may be out of their reach as guests but then I have a feeling your going so formal in the hopes they don’t come.
Post # 49
Bee, first I suggest you breathe.
Take a moment to remember why you’re having this wedding in the first place: to marry the one you love. Calmly and respectfully talk to your fiancé about your concerns. And remember that some things that day will really be out of your control.
During the wedding planning process, there will be stressful moments, sometimes lots of those, especially when different cultures come into play (I know from personal experience) but taking time to focus on your relationship and to enjoy your engagement will help you get through all that! Best of luck bee!
Post # 50
I’m glad the Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t speak English because I don’t think she’d take too kindly to you if she understood how you felt about her family. Talk to your Fiancé about this.
Post # 51
I am Canandian and my fiancé is Panamaian. We live in Panama. Therefore I have become aware of the realistic difference in wedding expectations between the two countries (rather than googling or assuming).
If you are concerned about RSVP and uninvited guests, on your RSVP you can put a line to the effect of “We have reserved __ seats in your honor. Give the date in which they must RSVP by and if they don’t, reach out to them. Confirm when they rsvp who is attending and if they mention someone not invited this is your time to speak up. I don’t think this is a big deal and we are already expecting to have to do this.
Whether this is cultural or not, my family happens to always be on time (if not early) and his family has a running joke that they are always late (which is very accurate lol) to combate this issue, on the spanish invites we put the start time 30 minutea before the actual start time. And will spread word of mouth that being on time is important because they will close the doors once the ceremony starts (it’s a very small venue and would create a lot of distruptions)
Here too weddings are always in the afternoon and go beyond 2am. Loud music and party atmosphere. However that’s not really my style. So even though the wedding will be here, we aren’t necesaaily going with what is traditional here. We are having a morning ceremony with lunch reception. And no one has looked at us weird.
I think you are worrying way to much over things that arent anything to worry about. You don’t want to party until 2am, then don’t. You don’t want them to take the Centerpieces, then have someone make an announcement. You want people following dress code, sorry on this one I don’t think that’s Up to you. You can suggest what you want but you can’t force people to wear something.
Post # 52
I am bi-racial and was raised Catholic. I married a man who is bi-racial and his mom’s side from India is Hindu. Neither he nor I wanted to have a Hindu wedding. And there was no way I was going to subject my new in-laws to a Catholic mass. Guess what we did? We spoke to eachother like adults. We identified approritate Catholic AND Hindu blessings. I let his mother bring Indian desserts that I had never heard of (they were delicious) and she planned half of the menu (that too was deliscious). I learned some words in hindi and wore lots of Indian jewelry including a mangala sutra because I TOOK THE TIME TO LEARN how important that was. He agreed to get our marriage blessed by a priest afterward because HE WANTED TO MAKE THAT GENSTURE FOR MY PARENTS.
Did wearing Indian jewelry and having a Hindu blessing match “all my hopes and dreams” of a flawless wedding? Nope. But it sure as hell matched the man I fell in love with. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
We planned the wedding as a team, we spoke gently, asked questions, and moved forward with the intention of respect. It really isn’t rocket science.
And since about 1/3 of our guests flew through customs to attend our wedding, I took the time to graciously thank each of them for that outpour of love and support. I strongly suggest you do the same.