Post # 1
Ok ….so I am a nontraditional girl who has never really drempt of a wedding. When we got engaged I looked at places and then decided that I just wanted to get married on Nantucket with our immediate families.
Then I decided that I wanted a party. Sooooo I chose to have a wedding at my parents house. Guests were going to arrive and we would greet the with a jello shot. There would be a cocktail hour with a magician. Then his sis was going to marry us, the ceremony was literally going to be “you are now married” and we were going to high five. Followed by a buffet style dinner. We had rented a juke box for music and were going to have pizzas n smores late night. We also had an open air photobooth for fun too! I had no attendents. My aunt was going to throw me a shower.
Then I decided that it was all very silly. We’ve been together for 10yrs. I feel funny asking for gifts, although I have to admit its fun to get them. I decided it wasnt worth the money for one day. So I canceled it. And went back to the nantucket idea.
NOW I AM HAVING REGRETS AND NEED HELP TO MAKE A FAST DECISION!!! I have a few friends getting married and all the talk is making me regret not having it. I could still have a shower, but now my mom thinks it is silly, especially since we are getting married on nantucket. The only deposit we couldnt get back was the caterer so we were going to have a party so we didnt “lost” the cost. My mom thinks its silly to have a shower now. And I feel funny telling my aunt I want it now. I CAN NEVER MAKE UP MY MIND! Now I feel like I should have a party and just have a picnic style thing.
I have to make a decision in less than 2 weeks and stick with it. What should I do? Has anyone else ever felt like this? Do you think I will regret not doing anything? This whole process simply isnt that much fun since my fiance could care less what we do and my mom could care less. I am doing all the work regardless, which is fine, but there is no one to bounce opinions off of. It is all me (I know this would be some peopels dream, but I just wish someone in my family cared about what we did and could help make the decision on how we should celebrate)
Thanks for any advice/help?
Post # 3
The wedding you planned sounds like a blast 🙂 Maybe think of it less as a wedding than just a big fun party?
As for the shower, I think it would be a lot to ask of your aunt to plan another one on a short time line, so maybe you will have to forgoe that.
Post # 4
For me I looked at planing in this kind of systematic way but looking at the rest of my life systematically. I looked at the things I regretted so far (and luckily they are VERY few) silly as it is not going to prom is a huge regret of mine. Totally lame almost EVERYONE I know says they had a terrible time but I still wish I had chose to go (I chose a concert instead – great concert but I wish I had chose the prom). So when I started thinking about not wearing a “classic” wedding dress I thought back to the prom and went . . . hmmm am I gunna regret this too, it’s one of those classic every girl dreams of things and I decided I missed the prom did a few other things a bit differently and thought ok this is the one thing that I want to do traditionally . . . now the rest of the wedding isn’t so traditional, my brother is marrying us and it’s just a casual backyard thing but at least I have that one thing that’s gunna make me feel like a bride. I did the same thing with a bridal shower my first instinct was not to have one and same thought process came up, I’ve done so much stuff “untraditionally” that I thought I want to have these experiences and just not wonder what I missed out on. Think about it and if you don’t think you’ll regret missing out on it then stop worrying and move on to your planning and enjoying but if not then talk to your family and let them know what you want, you don’t get a do-over on this! Good luck!
Post # 5
Showers can be awkward, so consider yourself lucky if you aren’t 100% sure if you want it… Just have fun with whatever you do- all of your options sound wonderful…
Where on Nantucket will you be getting married? I am getting married on Nantucket in 2011!
Post # 6
I kind of know how you feel. We wanted to elope and got pressured into having a big wedding that wasn’t really what we wanted because everybody and their brother had an opinion on it. Then, we canceled that. We canceled it. It has been a roller-coaster. I say do what you want. You can always always always have a party later and every single year if you want. We are renewing our vows every year, so I figure if we have any urges to do the whole wedding thing, we can do it any other year we want, on whatever terms we want. Anyway, your marriage will be a living breathing thing, so your “wedding” can be too- you can always have an anniversary wedding and do something else.
Post # 7
Oh, goodness … I know what you mean! When Fiance and I first started talking about getting married we were going to wed in Italy with only our parents and few close friends present. The plan was to come back and have a wedding party to celebrate when we got home. That got complicated, so we switched to a 20-person spring wedding at our house followed by a summer family barbecue. Then THAT got complicated (and we realized we’d be hurting a lot of feelings by excluding people from the wedding). It also dawned on us that planning a small wedding + a big post-wedding party was nearly twice the hassle (and more expensive) so we finally just combined ideas into one smallish (about 75-guest) wedding.
Our wedding is at a merry-go-round and the food is Thai barbecue. I think it’ll be offbeat and colorful without being completely off-putting to guests who expect something more traditional. I think that whatever path you choose, you will always have some nagging “what if we went the other way?” thoughts. I definitely still feel sad that we scrapped the Italy wedding and aren’t having a more intimate gathering in our lovely home. I’m excited about our wedding, but it’s been tempting at moments to ditch it and go back to the original plan.
Also, I think it’s 100% normal to start out bucking tradition and then start wanting some of those things. I didn’t want to wear a traditional wedding dress (and definitely no veil!); I didn’t want to register; I really didn’t want a shower. Guess what? I’m having all of the above! I disagree with your mom: I think a shower is totally appropriate for any first-time bride and you should have one if you want (even if it’s small and simple). No matter how you do it, you are still a bride and should get to have the whole experience if you want it!
Good luck. Let us know what you decide.
Post # 8
Thank you all for the comments they have been helpful and I greatly appreciate it! I still don’t know what I am going to do, but I have to make a decision in a week! Ill keep you posted!! Thanks
Post # 9
Just ask yourselves what you and your finance really want and go with whichever choice feels the most natural. If you want something simple, don’t try over-do it. If you want something that’s more of a celebration than a traditional affair, go with it.
As for the bridal shower, if you really want to have one, offer to help plan it or pay for it. Suggest something simple- like lunch at a favorite restaurant.
Post # 10
Nantucket sounds lovely. If someone is willing to throw you a shower, go for it, but remember it’s considered impolite to have guests to a shower that aren’t invited to the wedding. Good luck.
Post # 11
I love the Nantucket idea, and to be honest, the fun, party thing sounds like it might be a bit much (maybe one or two fun ideas max- just seems like too much going on). The day is really about you, your fiance, and who you want to share your special moment with.
As far as the shower thing- well, I don’t want one, so it’s hard for me to relate. I guess it could be a fun event, but you could still throw a post-nuptuals party and get gifts.
Post # 12
I think your first idea sounds like so much fun! I think you should do whatever fits your personality best. We’re stepping out of the traditional box and having a casual outdoor reception then inviting our close friends and siblings out with us for a night of drinking and some sort of entertainment. Have fun and make it a day the two of you will remember. The only expectations your wedding should have to live up to are your own!
Post # 13
when it comes down to wedding planning and what you want, it’s hard to decipher what you’re going top want/regret later on in the planning. But you have to remember, that its an event to celebrate the commitment you both made to each other. Personally, the wedding you planned with the pizza and jello shots sounded like an awesome event, and its easy to get swept away when you get overwhelmed, but remember this is something you’re going to look back on for the rest of your life.
@cricket, I also didnt go to my prom and applied that same philosophy to my wedding planning.
Post # 14
I think you might regret the party you were planning, not the nantucket thing. Honestly, go through with your Nantucket idea and if you want to throw a big reception for yourselves at a later date that’s your choice.