(Closed) Scared my family is going to ruin my wedding

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@born2teachuga:  So sorry your going through this. I know we all want our parents and family to be excited about our weddings and we want to share our happiest days with those we love, however with some people there is no happiness and sorry to say it dear but your mom and siblings dont sound happy.

Weddings are meant to be about love and happiness, people are suppose to come to support you. I wish you could elope because it would probably be better for you. I get that your stressed. Hopefully if they cant be happy for you at least they will keep their mouths shut so they dont look like the bad attitude people they really are.

Your therapist is right though. The more you distance yourself from the dysfunction the more you will grow. I was reading your post and it sounds like you have always been the one to apologize, the one to grovel and basically they have stepped on you all your life. This isnt healthy but you cant change them. You can change you.

If standing up for yourself doesnt help then distance yourself. I stop speaking to my family for almost 6 years because my mother couldnt get it into her head that I was my own person and I could make decisions for myself. You are probably a wonderful person as is your Fiance….let them go…be happy and stop trying to please people that are never going to be happy.

Post # 4
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Ouch, what a tough situation. I also have family problems I’m worried about, but nothing like this. I don’t know if it’s possible for you to try to distance yourself from it emotionally and think, “the wedding will be perfect because I will act well and I can’t control what other people do.” Remember that other people’s behavior reflects poorly on them, not you. Also, you could try to talk honestly with each person (separetly) and let them know how much you want your day to be perfect and ask them to only say positive comments, not negative ones, to support you enjoying your big day. Anyway, big hugs to you I know you can do it! 

Post # 5
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

so sorry you’re going through this and I can totally relate as I am going through some terrible issues with my mother right now (she has always been abusive and painfully narcissistic…it really took the process of planning this wedding to realize how much I had let myself become controlled by her and fear her).

it sounds like Fiance and his family are fantastic…whenever times get tough, focus on that.  disengage with your family and insofarasmuch as the wedding planning goes (I realize you are only 2 mos away!), hand them instructions and then hope for the best (I wouldn’t rely on them for much anyways).  I couldn’t agree more with the PP who noted that other people’s bad behavior reflects poorly on them NOT you…let them show everyone what they’re all about and you go out there and enjoy your special day.

hugs 🙂

Post # 7
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

“I almost want to rent a family for my wedding.”  I have thought that very same thing myself.  I think your heart is in the right place with wanting people to attend therapy…but therapy tends to work best when the person is motivated to go and work on issues.  Sounds like your mom has an incredibly weak ego and is narcissistic (believe me, I feel your pain here) and has seen you and your siblings as objects…manipulating the situation to meet her own needs.  I found this website/forum, “Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers”  http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/

It has really helped so far and opened my eyes a lot.  I hope it helps you too and provides some comfort.

 

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