Post # 1
My mom has been a drug addict and an alcholic since I was a baby. She abused my sister and i as childern, locking us outside overnight when we would cry and kidnapping us in a drunkin rage several times. I pretty much raised myself because my father, who is also a hero for taking us away from her and raising us on his own, was working to support us. She has been to jail on several occasions and is now so burnt out my addiction that she can’t even work and just mooches off my grandfather and lives off disability. Since I got engaged she has this sudden sense of entitlement, where she should be recognized for being mother of the year. She stomps around telling everyone how she is coming to my wedding and she is bringing some random guy, since she is jealous that my father is bringing his WIFE, who she so lovingly refers to as, that woman. She has a real bad habit of doing embarassing things and saying embarassing thing. For my shower, after telling me she was coming, she decided 5 minutes before that she didnt want to come anymore. The whole day people were coming up to me asking, which one is your mother? Since not many people have met her as she was out of my life for 15 years. She has given me nothing my whole life, she has contributed nothing to the wedding, but she is going to roll in like thunder and expect to be treated with the same regard as my father will be treated. i don’t think so. And when I don’t treat her in the same regard, she is going to make a scene. I know it. Kinda wish she would do the same as the shower, and NOT COME.
Any advice? Or people in similar situtations?
Post # 3
I feel for you! I had a terrible mom growing up, and the crazy part is, she thought she was awesome. I never truly knew what a shitty mom I had until I grew up, became a mom and realized all the things moms are “supposed” to do for their children. My mom also had addiction problems (gambling) which I didn’t know until I was older. And also explains why we never had money or food and our phone/power/water was cut off all the time. I was in volleyball for 4 years, she never came to a single game or practise. So not only was she an addict, but she really didn’t give a crap about her kids, nor did she bother to pay them any attention. I am having a really hard time with all this wedding stuff going on. It wouldn’t bother me in the least if she didn’t show up to my shower, or wedding because personally I hate interacting with her. I don’t like being in the same room as her period. I am literally dreading doing my speech to my parents. My dad is truly amazing, I have so much love and respect for him. How can I stand up there and thank him for everything he has done, when I’ll be expected to say the same as my deadbeat mother who never gave a shit?? And she’s a drama queen to boot, she is always raving and crying about something. I can’t even count how many times she has called me bawling because I have slighted her in some way. It’s total bullshit.
Post # 4
That’s so sad – I’m sorry you’re going through this. Do you really want her at the wedding? Are you going to ask her not to come? That might be best.
Post # 5
@Bostonsmom: This is literally the same problems I am having right now. Oh man… Is really hard eh? Like dealing with people who are unreasonable! And also feel they are undeservingly entitled!
Post # 6
Unfortunately, if you invite your mother, she will come. Most narcisstic people do. To ensure that you don’t get upset, make sure someone act as the buffer and keep her inline. Your father is the parent of the year and that’s just how it is. She is just a guest and I would let her know. She’s only invited not to be the focal point.
My father is coming but luckily he’s just an ASS so he’ll act accordingly. There will be little drama cause he knows I won’t stand for it. And I will tell him to leave.
Just be firm and let it be known to everyone that if she gets out of hand, she’s gotta go. Believe me, your family will make sure she won’t destroy your wedding day.
Post # 7
If you can’t get out of her coming, you should try to make a family member aware of your concerns and ask that they be aware of her actions in case anything starts to happen. Like if you have an aunt or a sibling that you can confide in and trust to make sure nothing happends, if it does, they can be ready to wisk her away. Our venue requires a securty officer since we will have an open bar, so he will be made aware of the potential problem people before the wedding. My brother-in-law has been made responsible for communicating to the security officer our potential problems and solutions if needed.
Post # 8
@mcnetn3: Yeah I have several family members that would like to knock her teeth out, so hopefully she’ll be scared and not act up. But then again you can’t predict these type of people.
FYI, I am nothing like her… at all. Im marryin a police officer and i have a good career and home. Far more then i can say for her.
Post # 9
omg undeservingly entitled!!! Those two words sum up everything about my mother. aside from my guest list woes, my mother has been the hardest part of wedding planning. She hasn’t asked me any questions, what colors what flowers what band what bridesmaid dresses etc. NOTHING!!! and yet when she heard I was taking my dad wedding dress shopping, she lost her mind!!!! Stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Post # 10
It is nerve wracking, but rest assured that if she does make a scene it will reflect on her-not you.
One of the best lines I ever heard in a similar situation was after the bride thanked her father for being there for her all her life in any situation , she turned to her mother and said:
“And of course, mom, you know how much you mean to me.”
The people who were in the know got the sarcasm, and those who weren’t thouight it was a traditional thank-you.
Post # 11
Oh mothers. My mother has all sorts of issues and just before I got engaged I made the decision to take her out of my life perminantly. It comes down to she is never going to change and now that I have a son I just cant her and her toxic behavior near my family. She will not be coming to the wedding. I know she is my mother but that doesnt mean I need to take what she gives me.
My advice is if you can handle it, distance yourself from her and dont invite her to the wedding. This is you and your fiance’s special day and you should only have amazing memories of it, not tradic ones. Life is too short to spend our lives with toxic people. If you do decide to invite her I would do as suggested above and just make sure a couple people will keep an eye on her so at the moment she starts causing issues, she can be quietly ushered away.
Good luck and hang in there.