(Closed) Scared – Need some advice or kind words…

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry you are going through such a rough time. I feel like your husband is making these choices with the best of intentions. Maybe its not ideal for you, but I think you need to give a little. Living in an in-law suite doesn’t sound so terrible especially if in the long run you can end up saving more money for your future home. Sometimes you have to sacrifice to get ahead. I know it willbe tough to move away from your family, but he is your new family now to. Best wishes that it all works out well.

Post # 4
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@scaredofbeantown: I’m in the same position as you in a way. Im moving from my family in october, to meet up with my fiancee to find a better job where he is at now. It was a very hard decision I was not settled on at first ,and still not 100% ok with. But like you there aren’t many options for us either. But we have agreed to come back near my family once things get settled, and we have money saved up and just in a better position to settle down. Maybe see if you can compromise a little, like maybe now you move there but see if its a chance to move back in the future. Hope I helped a little good luck with everything, I know its such a hard position to be in.

Post # 5
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m sorry things are tough right now – it sounds liek you have a lot on your plate.

Honestly, I think you need to compromise, particulary WRT moving and the inlaw apartment. That’s what makes the most financial sense, and right now that needs to be the priority.  It’s not a perfect situation, no, but it’s hardly as though you’ll be living right under her nose in the basement. 

Post # 7
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry you are in this position. I think that maybe the move would be the best option for you, but I would look for jobs first and have one ready for you when you get there. Also, I know it isn’t ideal to live with your in-laws, but sometimes you have to do that sort of thing to get your feet under you. It would probably be best for your future, and maybe in a couple years you can move back closer to your family.

Post # 8
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

If it helps, Boston is a great place to live. Lots of us are from that area and I would be more than happy to meet up with you once you make the move. We also have the best sports teams!

I’m sorry you are going through this. I’ve lived here my whole life and would find moving very scary.

Post # 9
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i know it’s a tough situation to be in, but try to focus on the positives. boston has more career opportunities, there are tons of fun things to do, and you can have free rent! living with your mil is only temporary, and it makes the most financial sense right now.

are you finishing school soon?

Post # 10
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

OK I saw the part about our winters. I’ll be honest. They do suck. It gets cold and we get lots of snow.

But our summers are perfect and the fall and spring (which albeit are kinda short around here) are gorgeous.

Post # 11
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you need to sit down with your husband and tell him that you’re flat out not comfortable with this. It doesn’t sound like you’re compromising at all, and you’re the one that’s giving up everything to make your situation better.

I know that living with your Mother-In-Law sounds nice to your husband b/c you wouldn’t have to pay rent, but then what happens when you’re ready to move out? Are they then going to convince you to stay b/c it’s still rent free and your Mother-In-Law can watch the kids that you’re going to start trying for? It just feels like a trap to me, and I can’t agree with the other posters that are saying this is a good idea. If you were fully ok with it, that would be one thing, but your’e very uncomfortable about a lot of it, and that right there is a red flag for me that this isn’t right.

Post # 12
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You are very focused on the immediate aspects of this situation, which I understand, but you need to look longer term. You can live rent free, which will allow you to save up for a deposit on your own home much faster. You talk about wanting to TTC in a few years, but will that be possible if only you are employed? Are you willing to delay that because you want to stay closer to your family? You will get a chance to bond with his family and start feeling like they are part of your family, which they are now.

This doesn’t have to be forever. Focus on what’s best for you as a family now, and if you 5 year plan includes not staying in Boston, thats ok too.

Post # 13
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I just have one question – everyone’s assuming that it makes more financial sense to move there, but is that really true if it means giving up the one stable job in the marriage?

Post # 14
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

Ive lived here my whole life and I am also afraid of Massachusetts winters. haha 🙂

Does your husband have a job lined up here? The unemployment rate is going down, but its still a really tough market out there. It could take a while for both of you to find decent jobs. If you have a stable job where you are, does it make sense to try to wait it out a little while longer and see if he can find a job there? Can you move to a smaller/cheaper apartment to save on some money? It just seems like a drastic move to up and move to a new place with the hopes of finding jobs.

Post # 15
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think you should do it. You keep talking about how you don’t want to move away from your family, but all this time your Darling Husband has been living away from his. My Fiance, and our two children, recently moved away from our home town because he got transferred to another branch because his branch got shut down. Now we are one hour from his family, but another hour farther away from mine. It sucks, but it was the best option for us, and it sounds like this is the best option for you too. You’ll be saving money, and plus he’ll have more job opportunites which is a huge bonus in the current economy. I don’t think the cold winters should be a reason to deter you from making any decision. Just because it’s a big change, and it’s scary, doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice. It won’t be easy, but I really do think it sounds like a great idea. I would love to have no rent to pay! We are still paying our mortgage on our house back home (it hasn’t sold yet) and on top of that we are paying $1400 rent in our new town.

Post # 16
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

2-3 weeks is too long after about 7 months of marriage?  

You know what a lot of people do when they’re sick of being unemployed?

Join the military.  

My Fiance (civilian now, former military) just got put on a 6 month on, 6 month off schedule.  With an airborne infantry unit.  In Afghanistan.  He deploys two months after we get married.

Let your man do what he’s got to do.

Boston isn’t backwoods Missouri, North Dakota, Death Valley, etc, and you’ll have some control over when and where you move, what hours you have, etc, and you don’t have to worry about whether your husband is going to be eviscerated by an IED.

Sorry.  My perspective on this makes me unsympathetic.

 

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