(Closed) Scared of birth pain, and hospitals in general-bad previous experiences :(

posted 3 years ago in Babies
  • poll: How much did labour hurt and how difficult was it?
    I legit thought I was dying and found labour very difficult : (4 votes)
    27 %
    I legit thought I was dying BUT I felt confident I could get through it : (3 votes)
    20 %
    The pain was bearable but the birth difficult : (0 votes)
    The pain was bearable and the birth was quite straight forward : (4 votes)
    27 %
    Minimal pain and easy birth : (3 votes)
    20 %
    The birth from hell : (1 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 2
    547 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I was worried about the pain but ended up being one of the lucky ones. I had a hard time timing my contractions and ended up progressing much quicker than I thought. Plus, the contractions were uncomfortable, but not really painful until the very end. Long story short, I almost didn’t make it to the hospital on time. My son was born less than 50 minutes after my arrival. All I’m trying to say is you never know what it will be like and some people get to be pleasantly surprised by veru little pain. I hope you’re one of them after everything you went through with that miscarriage. Good luck!

    Post # 3
    2278 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I suggest looking into upright birthing. It helps labor and birth in many ways. I can send you a couple of links that will provide you with more information about this. 

    If you’re worried about using your muscles effectively, you may want to look into stretches and exercises that help get these muscles flexible and working. They can be very effective and help you feel more at ease and comfortable with your body. 

    Breathing plays a big part in managing pain, so finding a breathing technique that you’re comfortable with and practicing that would be a great thing to do as well. 

    Post # 4
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    Your experience sounds horrific. I am sorry you went through that ๐Ÿ™

    I have not given birth, but I have heard stories of women who didn’t feel pain, or the pain was present but very manageable, or some that even had an orgasm!  You can Google “painless labor” and things like that to read some stories.  Of course, this is not the experience for the majority of women, but I think it’s beneficial for us to read positive as well as negative birth stories.  I think sometimes we set ourselves up for more pain than necessary by automatically assuming it will be just as torturous as in the movies.  

    You may want to look into this book.  My sister read it before her birth and said it helped, although there are many things about her birth she was unhappy with.  http://www.amazon.com/Painless-Childbirth-Empowering-Journey-Pregnancy/dp/1581826400 

    Edited to add: If you don’t like hospitals, have you considered a home birth with a midwife?  Or a birthing center?  There are lots of options these days.

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  Lavender28.
    Post # 5
    2330 posts
    Buzzing bee

    IA was actually TERRIFIED and thought I was going to die.  I cried thru every lamaze class and made the doctor SWEAR he would provide drugs.    My labor turned out to be not too bad at all  14 hours start to finish and 3 1/2 hours in hard labor.  I had back labor while I was still at home and crawled on the floor on all fours {hey, ya gotta do what ya gotta do}.  My water never broke, they did that when I arrived at hospital.  I only required a shot of demoral in my IV and with one push my beautiful son arrived. No stitches.  Honestly, I imagined so more much than it was.  Please dont make yourself crazy.   You will be fine. 

    Post # 6
    2278 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I forgot to mention a couple of things. You mentioned being afraid of hospitals. Have you looked into birth centers or giving birth at home? There may be some centers around you that you’ll be more comfortable with than a hospital. Giving birth at home is a great option for lots of women, so it may be for you as well. 

    I also suggest consulting a midwife or doula. A good midwife or doula could help you prepare for birth and assuage your fears. 

    Post # 7
    7471 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    Are you opposed to an epidural? I had an amazing epidural that still allowed me to move my lower half and feel pressure to push, but to eliminate most of the pain. 

    I was induced with pitocin, and contractions come very quickly with pit. I was very uncomfortable before the epidural. I was in labor for 26 hours, and I never would have made it through without it. The epidural allowed me to sleep from about 5cm to 8cm. I only vomited once, and that was during transition. It wasn’t caused by pain. Also I should mention that the epidural itself was not painful at all. Honestly, the most painful part of labor for me was the IV.

    Post # 8
    156 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013 - Stillwell House

    Pitocin here too, and about 26 hours as well.  No epidural, no nothing because they said it would slow my labor back down.  Wish I had asked the lady who was striding the halls why she was — she had had Pitocin her last pregnancy and had refused it this go round as it was hellacious.. she had been walking the halls for 3 days as her water had broken and they would not send her home.

    Pain aside – the discomfort of having a little person inside you gets to be really really old around week 36.  Yes it hurts, but knowing you have an end in sight helps.

    Post # 9
    2275 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

    get. the. epidural.

    other than that, a lot of fear is normal, especially considering what you’ve been already been through. I have attended probably a thousand births, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pain-free one. What I can tell you, is the people who do best, are the ones who go in expecting some pain, and being open to managing it. work with your nurse and doctors and discuss your options for pain control early. even in the clinic they can tell you some of your options for pain control in labor. I don’t know if you’re in the UK, but they use nitrous oxide mixed with oxygen (gas n air) for early labor. I worked with a British midwife who said it was the best pain control in early labor that she knew of. In the US, you have the options of medicines in your IV, or an epidural.

    Start working on trusting your body and the labor process. Your body knows how to do this, and usually gets it right. It wont be easy, but it will be worth it.

    Post # 10
    3371 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    BritishBride2015:  The truth is that no one can tell you what your birth experience will be like. I planned and planned for the whole pregnancy of what I wanted my daughter’s birth to be like, and it was NOTHING like what I had envisioned. I had an elective induction (my husband’s schedule was putting him 3+ hours away from home with no cell reception each day for work), I didn’t want any labor inducing drugs, and I didn’t want an epidural. <br /><br />I was induced at 1pm on May 18 with pitocin. My water broke at 3:30. Despite trying to labor in the tub, the pitocin made the pain unbearable so I opted for the epidural. At 11pm I was fully dilated, and at 12:04am on the 19 my daughter was born. The entire time I went from 3cm (at induction) to the full 10, I felt nothing. SLIGHT pressure when I was fully dilated, but that’s it. And the epidural doesn’t hurt at all. I actually had to get a shot of pain killers before they gave me the epidural because I wasn’t able to hold still enough. Avoid pitocin if you can, I can’t stress that enough.

    The bad part for me was the tearing. My daughter had her elbow out when she came out, and because of how quickly she came….I had an “extreme 3” tear according to my midwife (I won’t tell you how many stitches I had, but let’s just say I almost had to have surgical repairs done) But seriously, it is ALL worth it the second they put that sweet baby on you. I spent the whole pregnant saying I would NEVER do it again, but after my birth experience, I can’t wait to start trying again in 6 months!

    <br />The key is, stay relaxed and trust your body and instincts! Educate yourself (For the love of God, DO NOT READ WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE EXPECTING), and be aware, but just trust yourself and doctors! I’m not a big fan of hospitals either. I opted for a midwife vs an OB which made me way more comfortable. As previously mentioned, birth centers are also a great option!

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  PacificMrs.
    Post # 11
    2275 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

    Just noticed your screen name is British Bride! YAYYY ask for the gas!

    Post # 12
    2330 posts
    Buzzing bee

    also wanted to add: try to have an enema {I had diareaha right at the beginning while I was home}.  You’ll be more comfortable and it will be more pleasant.

    Post # 13
    2427 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I don’t know what labor is like. I had an emergency c-section. 

    Post # 14
    17 posts

    “They lied to me!” Was the first thought that ran through my mind. I can’t help but giggle about it now. But that wasn’t the case when it was happening. I was a high risk patient. i was measuring 30 weeks at 36 weeks. My son was born early, but luckily healthy and he could go home before I got discharged from the hospital. He was 50 cm long and 5lb 7 oz. he was a lot bigger than the doctors predicted.my husband was told that baby might not be able to breathe or eat on his own and might need to stay in nicu for a few weeks to a few months. I was on bed rest since 28 weeks. I was so afraid for him. I was in labor for 15 hours. I thought they were sending me home after an ultrasound. Turns out his head was already much lower than expected and I was 7 cm dilated! i was told that I could ask for drugs anytime I needEd them. I was told that it could never be too late. But, by the time I was begging for epidural or something (pain was intense!) they couldnt give me anything because his head was halfway out. my husband was holding one of my leg in the stir up and he lookEd like he was about to vomit all over me. It was snowing outside.it was new years eve. And it was not what I was expecting. And I definitely was not expecting natural birth with no pain med or have torn almost end to end.

    good luck, I hope you will have a much easier experience ๐Ÿ™‚

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  mistymason.
    • This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  mistymason.
    Post # 15
    5403 posts
    Bee Keeper

    BritishBride2015:  I guess you could say I had the best labor around, however I spent the entirety of my pregnancy worrying and freaking out and getting worked up over labor.  I thought I was going to die.  I watched a CGI video of birth and I don’t think I’ve ever cried so hard in my life.  I was convinced birth was the end for me.  Obviously I was being over dramatic.  I was only in labor for 12 hours, and got the epidural about 4-5 hours in? And that was only because the nurse said I was at 4.5 cm and if I didn’t get it now, I wouldn’t be able to get it later.  And the pushing part, was not even 10 minutes.  I didn’t tear at all.

    What I’m trying to say is I spent too much time focusing on giving birth adn dying and the worst case scenario then enjoying being pregnant.  And I regret that because I had a wonderful birth and now have a beautiful daughter.  Try not to worry so much on the what if and focus on the now.

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