Post # 1
Okay I hope that noone thinks poorly of me for this but I just have to get it out and don’t feel comfortable saying it to any of my friends or family. My whole life I have wanted kids. I recently got married and know that we are not ready to be parents yet but this is still bothering me a lot. The idea of being pregnant and delivering absolutely terrifies me. I have major anxiety issues and I get sick from it frequently like so anxious I throw up. I try to tell myself that when we are ready and the time actually comes I will be able to handle it fine but I just don’t know. I am a terrible worrier and I feel totally selfish for thinking this way. I kind of brought this up to my husband and he was like we don’t ever have to have kids, if you don’t think your body can handle it we won’t and so on. We have discussed adoption and are both totally for that, as we do want at least 1 child. My fears are of the pain, possibilty that something would go wrong, utter discomfort that may make me hate the experience. I hope this makes sense lol. Anyone feel the same way?
Also, I hate the unknown. I have to know what is happening, what comes next. I realize that may seem ridiculous but it is how my brain works. I have to be prepared.
Post # 3
I’d say it’s pretty normal to be scared at the thought of a miniature human coming out of your body!
But you do have a long 9 months to mentally prepare, learn, talk to other mothers, explore labor and birthing methods. It’s really a pretty amazing experience.
Post # 4
I’m interested to hear advice on this because I’m the same exact way – just thinking about them entering an iv or drawing bloog makes me queasy, I literally cannot stand to think about childbirth. But I definitely want at least one child, and I know Darling Husband really wants it to be biologically ours, so adoption isn’t really something we’re looking at, despite the fact that I’d love that option. Sometimes I find myself hoping that we’ll find out one of us can’t have children naturally just so I’ll have an excuse to adopt and not go through pregnancy and childbirth. I know that is HORRIBLE and there are bees in that situation who are obviously heartbroken, I don’t know what is wrong with me.
But my doctor tells me I’m actually fairly prepared for contractions because I get the most horrible period cramps ever, and apparantely the two are similar.
Post # 5
I’ll be honest, I’m currently 8.5 weeks pregnant and the idea of delivery has always scared the crap out of me! I’m a huge wimp, I even cried the whole time the one time I donated blood.
But I just remind myself that childbirth is only one day! Hopefully just a few hours of that day! And that our moms, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, great-great-grandmothers, etc., all went through it; most of them without the modern amenities we have today.
Post # 6
I was the same way at first. But I did research about it every time I was able and figured out the reason I was so anxious – doctors today make it such a traumatizing experience. I decided to go with an out of hospital birth with midwives. This is not for everyone, obviously – but I loved the way the midwives constantly assured me that my body was designed for this. I ended up with a wonderful medication free birth experience that allowed me to be home just 3 hours after delivery. It’s about finding what works for you 🙂
Post # 7
@firsttimemom: <— agree!
Getting as much information as you can about pregnancy, your body, it’s capability, and birthing will DEFINITELY help! I LOVE my midwife & she’s always done a wonderful job of easing my mind of any concerns when she can share from her experience.
It’s totally normal to be nervous, I mean I’m having my 2nd and birthing still makes me nervous. But, knowing everything I can about it helps me be more excited nervous than scared nervous.
I know you aren’t pregnant or TTC yet, but Ina May’s book Guide to Childbirth might be a good prep read for you. It’s got lots of really great inspiring birth stories (not like the traumatizing things we see on TV) and she does a great job of building confidence in our body. It’s helped me TONS in preparing for my homebirth & have heard from every other woman that’s read it that it helped them like that too. =)
Don’t beat yourself up about your feelings…. It’s something you’ve never done & don’t know a whole lot about (atleast I assume so) So you being nervous & scared is totally normal.
Post # 8
You know when people ask what your biggest fear is? Mine is giving birth. Sometimes I think that the only way I’d willingly do it is if I got pregnant by accident!
Post # 9
courtney1188 :”Sometimes I find myself hoping that we’ll find out one of us can’t have children naturally just so I’ll have an excuse to adopt and not go through pregnancy and childbirth”
I have thought this as well. I feel so bad because like you said so many woman want to and can’t and here I am wishing it.
Thanks for the advice everyone. I guess it is more normal than I thought and by educating myself hopefully it will ease my mind a bit.
Post # 10
When I first got pregnant (and before), I was terrified of it too. My husband would say “You know this baby is going to have to come out somehow”, and I would literally turn white at the thought of it.
I’m still nervous coming up on 31 weeks, but it’s not the same kind of bone crushing terror I felt at the beginning. I agree with PP in saying that the more you learn the less scary it is, and those 9 months are for more than just giving the baby time to grow…you really get prepared emotionally for the experience. I feel leaps and bounds differently than I did at the beginning.
Also, I’m coming up quickly on the preparing the eviction notice part of the deal. I want her to grow as much as she can, but I am SO ready to not be pregnant anymore. That helps too, the idea that if I can just get through it, I’ll be able to have my body back.
Post # 11
Not gonna lie, it’s not a cake walk being PG (at least for most women). I didn’t like it for the most part, but it wasn’t scary. I never knew what was coming next and things were constantly going wrong: a m/c with my first PG, pelvic rest at 6 wks, hormone supplements/blood draws, bed rest at 7 months, pre-term labor scares, tearing, etc. All that said, it was all managable. Did it suck sometimes? Yes. But I made it through with a healthy child who I adore and made it all worth it.
Truth be told, the labor part wasn’t that bad, and if you get the epi, then it’s really not that bad. You CAN do it, physically. Whether you are ready for it mentally is something only you can know. Have you ever tackled a challenge that you were afraid/unsure of? What did you do to get yourself over that hurdle? Starting a new job, a new relationship, moving somewhere new for college… these are all times that we take a risk and don’t know how everything is going to play out, no matter the planning that goes into it. When you get PG, you can plan for every possibility and life can still deal you an unexpected hand, and you just have to go with it.
Things you can control that will make the process less anxiety-ridden: find a doctor that makes you completely comfortable (don’t wait till you’re PG to do this), get to where you are financially comfortable so that if you have complications, you’re not worried about taking the time off that you need to stay healthy, seek out a girlfriend or two that has a calming influence and has kids as a go-to source of info so that you’re not jumping to google every time you have a twinge if you choose to get PG, and I think even at this point, it would be a good idea for you to read the book “The Best Birth”. That book was such a calming influence for me as I got closer to delivery, and I think it would be helpful for the whole pregnancy too. It’s written by a labor/delivery nurse turned birth coach who is all for a relaxed/happy/healthy mama and baby, no matter how you get there.
Post # 12
My only advice is to stop thinking so much about the details, cross each bridge when you come to it!
Post # 13
How old are you? And when do you plan on having kids? I was TERRIFIED when I was in my early twenties, but not that I am thirty and closer to TTC a lot of the fear has gone away. Same with flying as well for me. I don’t know why, but I think part of the fear comes from it being so far away, and where you are in your current life stage.
Post # 14
I was terrified of it when I first got pregnant too. I found that the best way I found to cope with the fear was to turn to the natural birthing community. Even if you are not wanting natural or a homebirth, the wonderful positive stories that those women have are amazing. They really build a lot of confidence in your own body and the natural process that is childbirth. I seriously recommend Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. The entire first half of the book is birth stories from women who gave birth on her compound.
I have seen that the media has really given women a negative idea of birth. Movies show women screaming and freaking out and it being this chaotic event but after seeing natural birth videos, it doesn’t have to be that way at all.
And honestly, if the thought is stressful enough that it makes you throw up… maybe you should seek out a professional to talk to and they can help you work through some of your fear.
Post # 15
Well it sounds like you’re husband is pretty much on board with whatever you want to do and is all for adoption, so if pregnancy isn’t for you that is perfectly ok and NOT selfish at all. You have support in whatever you choose so hopefully that helps a bit.
I have a history of anxiety, panic attacks and stomach troubles caused by this. I don’t have it nearly as badly as many other people do, but I was worried when I got pregnant that I would have terrible panic attacks over the fear of becoming a mother. I actually feel great and have not had ONE panic attack since being pregnant. I think it’s because when I’m anxious I feel all out of whack with the world and unsure of what’s going on, but now my body is doing exactly what it’s meant to do and I feel so at ease about it. I’m also so exhausted half the time I don’t think I could muster up the energy to be anxious. Once you’re pregnant that’s it, the baby has to come out and everything has to work out because that’s the only option. The thing is you have to learn about what’s going on in your body and be aware of how that could effect your nerves. For example, you’ll have much more blood volume while pregnant which can cause you to become short of breath and makes your heart work harder, and sometimes can feel like that feeling in your chest when a panic attack starts. You just have to remind yourself that it’s normal and your body it’s designed to handle this. Another thing is the queasiness/vomitting which can sometimes feel like a nervous stomach.
I think if you aren’t in behavior therapy yet now is a good time to start. You could learn breathing techniques, meditation, the biology of anxiety etc. Maybe if you work to minimize your anxiety now you’ll feel more prepared to handle the anxieties that come with pregnancy.
Post # 16
STAY AWAY FROM GOOGLE! Do not google anything when searching for information. It is confusing and frustrating and some times just scares the crap out of you. This is not always the case but lots of the time it is so. Look for educational books and ask for information from doctors or nurses or even close friends.
I get really bad anxiety just getting needles, I cry and hyperventilate every time. I actually make them take me to a room so I can lie down, it helps me cope better. I am terrified of giving birth and I am 6 weeks pregnant. What I am doing to get my self through is educate my self and figure out what is going to work for me, a lot like how I deal with getting blood taken. It isn’t so scary when you know the process and you realize that your body is made to do this. There is so much good stuff about being pregnant too! I am soo excited to hear the heart beat, and feel LO kick for the first time. And that moment when you hear their voice for the first time. It will make it so worth it in the end.