(Closed) Scared of giving birth

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 4
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

it’s worth it.  definitely.  honestly, i was a bit terrified of birth too, but it really wasn’t a big deal.  for me it was actually pretty textbook.  i even tore.  sure, it hurt, and there was jaundice (the baby, not me) and engorged breasts and failed breastfeeding and sleepless nights.  and yeah, there are stretchmarks, and there WAS weight gain…but really, i don’t even remember any of it except in theory, lol.  except the stretchmarks, but what can you do, right?  lol.  and the whole bit about losing your life and yourself as you know them is almost entirely up to you.  for one thing, the change that is inevitable is inevitable whether you adopt or have a baby yourself, but there’s no reason to give up who you are to become Mother.  think of it this way…you’re adding to who you are, not replacing it.  it might be a bit overwhelming at first, but you’ll find your routine and it’ll become second nature.  and i know everyone says it and it sounds annoying and cliche, but really there’s nothing like it.  you have this little mini human that depends on you and you’ll be smitten, and all that other crap just won’t matter.  and it doesn’t make you a bad mom to still want some time to yourself either.  enlist grandma’s help, or find a good reliable sitter to get some time off from time to time.  🙂

if you have the resources to adopt and aren’t attached to the idea of having biological children, that’s a great option though.  especially if you want to adopt a toddler or otherwise older-than-infant child.

ETA: about birth…if you want to go natural, that’s great!  just make sure you don’t get too attached to your plan.  stay open to the possibility of needing interventions if the pain is too great or if there are complications.  i hear so much about women who feel like failures after not being able to stick with their natural birth plan, and it makes me kind of sad because in the end it’s about having a happy and healthy mama and baby.  i did ok with that on the birth part (i wound up needing an intrathecal so i could get a break for some rest because i was so exhausted), but to this day i still have trouble with the fact that i had to throw in the towel with breastfeeding when DS was six weeks old, which is completely irrational.

Post # 5
Member
1089 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Positives of being pregnant:

Hearing the heart beat for the first time and every time after.

Seeing the ultrasound when it finally looks like a little baby and knowing that you created that little tiny person. That your amazing body has created something so beautiful that there are no words for it.

When you finally get feel what being kicked in the gut feels like from the inside lol.

Just knowing what your body is doing is amazing in its self.

There are tons of negatives but the positives totally out weigh them. Plus after 9 months of your body being taken over by this small being you go through labor, which rarely lasts more than 2 days and you get a life time of love. You are going to love this little person more than you could imagine.

People go through labor more than once so really it can’t be that horribly bad. Then they go back for more! lol I have a friend with 3 daughters and she still wants a forth.

There are a ton of negatives and I have been one of the unlucky ones who has been pretty sick but I still wouldn’t change it for anything. Yes I am terrified of labor but I will get through it. We are made to get through it.

Post # 7
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@mtnhoney:  have you ever thought of maybe talking with a midwife about all these issues you see arrising. Fiance and I cant stop talking about having a kid even picking out what stroller we want. I have seen mothers who ahte children and all I can say is make sure you want one before you have them. My coworker hates her daughter (she was a one nigth stand gone wrong) and its so sad to see and now her daughter is acting out for attention… just sad.  Do you know anyone with kids you can hang out with? To be honest all I want to be is pregnant and I want to the whole process but adoption is a great thing as mention if your willing to have a kid a little older they really really need loving homes.

Post # 8
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

LOL i completely understand you, i feel like that too…

I would like a large family, intend to adopt, but still NEED to have at least one of my own… One is not so bad, you can totally regain your figure 100% after just the one, if you work hard on it, work out, apply a load of cream etc… the whole birthing part i think i’ll have to cope with at least the ONE time. if it is practically unbearable i think i’ll go with adopting the rest. BUt im pretty sure ALL moms will say it was completely worth it and would do it a million times for their lovely baby, now matter how much pain, and i guess i’ll most probably have all of my children. it’s probably worse in my head (or so all my mommy friends say…)

I freak out thinking about tearing, pooping etc…

especially because i am petite and Fiance is tall and big, and i am sure i’ll have huge kingkong babies LOL. I don’t think it’s be easy to get them out at all… I once told Fiance  i wanted to schedule a C-section before hand to avoid my Vg tearing and destroying.. I prefer the c section scar. he laughed at me (he’s a surgeon) and said if i ever NEED one, i’ll be sorry, and  that obviously i cannot just decide i WANT one. The after-pain is supposedly much worse, and it takes longer to recuperate…

Post # 10
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@raspberrymacaron:  aw, you know not that many people poop during birth.  i think the stat i read at one point was like 30% or something?  and even so, those doctors and nurses have seen EVERYTHING, and by that point you won’t give a crap anyway.  (no pun intended.)  by that point in labor you’re pretty much desensitized to any kind of issues with “dignity”.  lol

and honestly, your physical size has very little to do with your ability to, erm, pass a large baby through the birth canal.  one of my neighbors, when i was a kid, was about 4’9 and 85lb soaking wet.  she had 4 children, and they were each 9.5+lb (i think the biggest was 11lb).  all vaginal deliveries.  however, my Future Mother-In-Law, who is about 5’9 and has self-described holster-hips, had to have a c-section with Fiance (who was all of 7lb-even, with a very average 13″ head) because he couldn’t fit.  the size of the hole in the center of your pelvis that the baby has to pass through has no relation to your phyical size.

Post # 11
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@cardus:  yes, but i guess i always think about the wort case scenario haha

By The Way, a friend of mine recently had her second child, and to make a long story short, she was prectically having it in the car on the way to the hospital… She said she felt horrible until she couldn’t help but push, pooped herself in the car, and instantly felt so much better that she didn’t give a crap at all.. haha. I guess at that point you don’t care about anything.

To finish the story, when she reached the hospital, baby’s head was out and they just put her on the first table at a random open office in the hallway and just needed the final “push”. everything went perfectly and she said it was great, quick and very little pain compared to the scheduled birth of her first child. also she was out of the hospital and on and about in no time

Post # 12
Member
1550 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Well, I have not had my baby yet, but so far it’s been totally worth it and not that bad (even though I am a high-risk pregnancy with lots of doctor’s appointments, high Bridal Party, placenta previa, and a whole bunch of other factors).

I don’t have stretch marks. I am not swollen. My face is not fat. My boobs dont hurt. I have not retained any water YET (still can slip my rings on/off). Aside from gaining weight in my thighs, butt, and a bit everywhere else, I don’t really feel terribly pregnant most of the time.

Feeling the baby move is very wonderful, and the pregnancy has brought my hubby and I so much closer together.

Sure, the morning sickness and everything sucks, but that was 17-20 weeks ago and I hardly remember it now! Pregnancy just becomes a part of your life, you learn to adapt, and then you’re totally used to it!

Now, I can’t speak to labor/birth since I haven’t had this baby yet, but my mom had 5 natural births and she said she would do it 5 more times if she could!!!

Post # 15
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m a sex educator and the idea of maybe giving birth makes me nervous! We’re not trying til after the wedding, and I also need to have a procedure first (have some health issues, and due to my Mueller something test it look slike we’ll have problems getting pregnant). I’m definitely planning to have both a midwife and a doula, and want to talk about my issues with them. A friend of mine is a nurse midwife with three kids and she’s even talked to me about it already, plus my bestie has a kid and we have total “warts and all” convos! My biggest fear is that i truly think all babies are really ugly when they’re just born – and they often put them on your chest after they’re born. Midwife friend is all “They clean them up first!!” but i’m like “Still creepy looking!”. I’m so afraid I’ll not want it near me (and I only say “it” due to not knowing the gender of the child). My partner and I have talked about this, so he knows he may have to hold the child first! He’s also offered to have the kid if he could. As for tearing, it’s better for you to tear than to be cut, and it heals better with less problems long term. However, I totally understand that sometimes emergencies happen. It’s definitely something on my list of things to ask obstetricians (my reproductive endocrinologist isn’t an OB, so we’ll need one) – and yep, I’ve started a list of questions to ask!

Anyway, with ALL of my friends who have given birth, they’re all had some fears. So I think it’s pretty normal. However, I truly blieve that birth (and if it’s needed, c section) is a beautiful thing.

Post # 16
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My mom gave birth 6 times with no c-sections and she’s 5’5 and 118 lbs hehe  She’s so tiny!!  Has a great figure now too at over 50 years of age, people keep thinking she’s in her 30s, so, everyone’s different and don’t watch too many of those birthing shows on tv, that is not the average!  Those are the extremes lol

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