(Closed) Scared of happiness

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
4349 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Woah.  Are you still in therapy?  This level of anxiety definitely warrants some kind of exterior help.  You need to learn how to get out of your own head. 

Post # 3
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

On the emotional labor bit, y’all should read this together and discuss maybe? https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0UUYL6kaNeBTDBRbkJkeUtabEk/view?pref=2&pli=1

On the anxiety… def read some books that target this problem. It seems to me, you find the solitary life easy and uncomplicated. I’m the same way. When YOU Are the only thing you rely on, the only person you need for happiness, then everything in life is predictable. There are no outside variables that behave unpredictably for which you need flexibility, patience, empathy, self-control, grace, etc to handle.

Choosing to give up that self-sufficiency and predictability for a relationship with another person is incredibly scary. You would basically need to have the same amount of implicit trust in THEM to do right by you as you have in yourself, and that’s nigh on impossible. So fear of the unknown creeps in to everything and warps our thinking and, sometimes, our perception.

As someone who endured a LOT of various types of abuse as a child… it’s taken me an incredibly long time to learn how to trust others, and I still struggle with it today. What helps me (and my relationshp) is to stop myself at every single negative emotion and decide if it’s really valid/worthwhile or not. And most of the time it’s not. I do this by trying to determine if the negativity is coming from me. What it there objectively, in the situation at hand before my brain got to work on it? If not, then I’m most likely the problem, and I think to myself, “What would one of those irrepressibly optimistic, psychologically stable, faith-based people do?” And then I react THAT way instead of the way I had initially wanted to – usually, self-protection born of fear. And slowly, I’m having to do this consciously less and less.

If you like to read, I’m happy to suggest some books. Otherwise, yeah, more therapy would be good. 🙂

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