Post # 1
So I have been struggling with the idea of pregnancy and birth. Don’t get me wrong, I do want kids. I have never been good with medical things (hate needles) and have a low pain tolerance. I get freaked out by the idea of having a baby grow inside me and then having to give birth.
My husband wants to have a baby soon and I am feeling so down because of my fear. Any bees been in this situation before? How did you overcome it?
Post # 2
This is going to sound over-romanticized and I might get criticism for it but as someone who has gone through what you’re going through (look, I have a serious fear of throwing up like it’s really bad so morning sickness TERRIFIED me)….
Everything will be worth it the second you hold that baby in your arms. I promise. Every blood draw, every docotor visit, every contraction, craving, cramp, and nausea spell…it will all be worth it the second you hold that baby.
Post # 3
If the idea of growing a human and then pushing it out and raising it doesn’t terrify you, you are insane. Or a saint. Or both. That being said, from what I’ve been told, for those who decide it’s what they want, those feel-good hormones really do make it all worth it.
You are allowed to be scared. You are even allowed to see a therapist to figure out some strategies for coping with being scared. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have kids or that you’ll be a bad mother, just that you might need a little help to feel okay about it. “Help” should never be a dirty word, especially for women considering becoming moms.
Post # 4
jewellight : YES! I have two kids and we are TTC and Im still afraid. The whole concept weirds me out if I think about it – its like a parasite growing inside of me LOL. Obviously I love the baby but the biological side is weird.
And Ive been through childbirth twice. It wasnt the end of the world but damn Im not looking forward to it!
All I can say is remind yourself women have been doing this forever. It happens in every corner of the world and its totally natural. And while it feels scary, you are capable and you will get through it.
Post # 5
ecrisrien : Thank you for this. I know that I will need to go to counselling and my Darling Husband is fine with that and wants to come along. It is a big life change in my opinion and I want to make sure that I feel fine.
Post # 6
mel2 : LOL thats how I think of it as. I know it’s all natural but the whole thing weirds me out. And too many people have said horror stories about childbirth. Everyone that I know that has kids got an epidural and the whole concept of one freaks me out.
Post # 7
jewellight : Yea I was super freaked out about the epidural but honestly you’ll be in a lot of pain and barely notice it going in. 100% recommend!! 🙂
Post # 8
I am right at the beginning of the TTC journey and am SO SCARED about both these things. I am SO READY to get started, but at the same time I’m very nervous about the journey. Both of my jobs will be VERY difficult to do if I have morning sickness and I too am terrified of throwing up! I so so rarely throw up, but when I do, I ususally start sobbing. I’m also very nervous about possibly being very uncomfortable for several months where I can’t talk about it with most people before I’m ready to go public with the pregnancy! I will lean very hard on my hubby and other mama friends for support!
Post # 9
So I didn’t directly have a fear of pregnancy and childbirth, I actually really wanted to experience it, though I didn’t think I’d enjoy it (totally not cool with throwing up haha).
But I do have some anxiety, usually entirely manageable, but during pregnancy it got way worse. So I definitely would advise working on coping strategies before hand around the things you think will freak you out, so that you are ready with those if you need them (I have plenty of borderline anxious friends who have actually found pregnancy mellowed them out and made them less anxious. Jealous, but definitely not me).
As far as the childbirth part went, while people will tell horror stories, I personally found that things were not too bad in the moment. I got induced, didn’t have time for an epidural, and ended up needing foreceps. In the end, I feel good about it because I didn’t want an epidural (but felt like I needed one at the time, until I couldn’t), and despite the need for foreceps I never felt like it was a big scary overwhelming situation. You can definitely work on pain management techniques to avoid an epidural, but in the moment the idea of one may seem less frightening, depending on how things are going.
The thing to remember I think is that not everyone has terrible pregnancies and births, and if people start trying to tell horror stories then you can ask them not to. If you really do want children then just do your best to work on management strategies for fear and anxiety before hand so you are able to use them when you need them. Good luck!
Post # 10
The good thing about it all is that it’s over relatively quickly! Then you realize that actually having a child is the hard part, lol.
Jazzylove : if it makes you feel any better, I never threw up while pregnant 😀
Post # 11
jewellight : I’m the exact same way. I’ve always wanted to be a mom but I’m really scared of birth. I have a terrible pain tolerance. I’m also afraid of being in pain during pregnancy and after birth.
What makes me feel better is my mom has a WAY worse pain tolerance than me. She’d literally get kicked out of doctors offices when she was a kid/teenager because her reaction to pain was so extreme but she had my brother and I. So I feel like if she can do it, so can I. I also feel like it helps not to dwell on it. If you expect it to be terrible that won’t help anything. So I just try think about how bad I want a baby and push the other thoughts out of my head
Post # 12
Pregnancy sucked but birth was great! I asked for “all the drugs” (literally what I said) and it was amazing
Post # 13
Modern medicine is amazing. I don’t have kids, nor am I pregnant, but honestly, the thought of pregnancy/childbirth doesn’t freak me out too much. If you get terrible morning sickness (the statistical majority of women don’t, for what it’s worth), there is medication you can take to help. I’m also terrified of needles, so I plan to use a nurse midwife and take all of the birthing classes I can. My thought is, either those do the trick and the pain is manageable, or it’s so terrible that a needle in my back sounds awesome…either way is win-win in the end.
Maybe I’m destined to be cursed, but most of the women in my life who have had kids have had a fairly easy time of it, all things considered. Only one person I know was violently sick, most of them felt pretty good after those first few weeks/month. None of them found childbirth (whether it was an emergency c-section, unmedicated induction, and everything in between) to be especially traumatizing. I think that there’s this weird cultural thing happening where all we see are people who pretend everything about motherhood is amazing/perfect or it’s the worst/most traumatizing experience ever. I’m pretty sure most people fall in the middle.
Post # 14
Seriously, all the mothers reciting unsolicited horror stories about childbirth need to stop. Need I bring up how much anxiety impacts things like pain and nausea? Epidurals are not pleasant (I have had one of those before, just not for childbirth), but sometimes the alternative is less pleasant. That said, there are plenty of alternatives if you decide you don’t want one, and whether you end up having one will most likely be entirely up to you. No one else’s experience is going to be your experience and no one other than your husband and your doctor needs to be on board with your birth plan.
I think it’s great that your husband is supportive of you talking to someone, and that he wants to come with 🙂
Post # 15
KittyYogi : “Then you realize that actually having a child is the hard part, lol.”
I was scared about giving birth, but when the time comes, you just kinda go with the flow and take things as they come and it’s over before you know it (and I say this as someone who was in labor for ~45 hours).
As for being pregnant, I f’n loved it!! I had no morning sickness and was all glowy with gorgeous thick hair. But I was very anxious about something going wrong, and that sucked, but once LO was kicking, that helped. I joke with dh that I’d love to be pregnant again but don’t actually want another baby to raise. At the end of the day, ~40 weeks is such a short period of your life and it goes by very quickly.