Scared of pregnancy and birth

posted 1 month ago in The Lounge
Post # 61
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

excitedmamatobee :  The key word in what you quoted is “unsolicited”. Of course it’s appropriate to share if explicitly asked. Launching into horror stories without being explicitly asked, however, is never considerate or kind, and absolutely contributes to collective anxiety. 

Post # 65
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

dianaj17 :  welcome to the internet, the world of unsolicited advice 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣

Post # 66
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

This is a thread about being scared of pregnancy and birth. I think it is completely appropriate for people to share their experiences, good and bad, with the birth process and how they coped with anxiety about it. I don’t think it does anyone favors to pretend like birth is always going to be a trauma-free experience, even though it absolutely can be for many women.

OP, I spent a huge amount of time reading birth stories, watching live births online (which are typically not nearly as gory as I would have expected!), and researching all the possible ways a birth could play out, including traumatic scenarios. In my case it helped assuage my fears to understand the different things that could happen because it took a lot of the mystery out of the equation. Luckily my own birth ended up being very uncomplicated and pretty “easy,” as much as such a thing can be!

dianaj17 :  

Post # 67
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

 

hikingbride :  I have experienced something similar and I feel a lot better and more ready/prepared after reading the book “what to expect when you’re expecting”.

OP, have you tried reading books about pregnancy and childbirth? 

Post # 68
Member
382 posts
Helper bee

excitedmamatobee :  To be clear, I never said that women who have had a traumatic experience should just shut up and never mention it to anyone. And as a trauma survivor myself, I know the value of being able to talk about it (mostly to trained professionals, not random people on the street, but to each their own). Given the context of the OP’s remarks, I was referring to the women I have witnessed (who, for the most part probably haven’t suffered anything like you have) who tell nervous expectant first-time mothers in person literally every single even slightly scary or unpleasant thing about pregnancy and birth in an attempt to “tell it like it is”. Anyone who has heard someone doing this knows what I meant by “unsolicited”. Discussing trauma is important for healing, but scaring the shit out of first time mothers just because you had a difficult time does no good. Read the room, is all I’m saying. 

Post # 69
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

emilyofnewmoon :  I was speaking specifically about the phenomenon discussed in this thread that people experience in real life, where people share traumatic birth stories without being asked to. It’s very wise to seek out all types of experiences, since there are no guarantees. That’s not the same as telling a friend (again, in person, not in a “seeking out all types of stories on the internet” way) “yeah, I’m nervous about all of this so I’m looking forward to my birth class” and that friend launching immediately into a gory story about their 36 hour labor that ended in a 4th degree tear, without asking if the person wanted to hear it. Whether it’s graduate school, pregnancy, parenting, etc., it seems like people are determined to out-horror-story everyone, without stopping to consider boundaries or what the person is actually asking. As a person with anxiety, much like the OP, I don’t think it’s too much to ask people to be considerate and respectful of boundaries. 

Post # 70
Member
382 posts
Helper bee

dianaj17 :  Exactly.

I think the “in person” part is critical here, too. I would even go so far as to argue that “unsolicited advice” over the internet isn’t a thing; if you CHOOSE to ask the internet a question, you will get a lot of useful information and a lot of scary nonsense, that should be a given, and we can learn how to sort out what is useful from what is harmful. But in reality, especially if it’s your friend or someone you’re close to, it’s important to consider your audience, because they can’t just exit a window and shut you off. 

 

Post # 71
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

Ok I get what you’re saying. It is definitely a know your audience type of thing when it comes to sharing trauma tales.

That said I feel like there’s this compulsion many women who have been through childbirth have to share their birth story to anyone who will listen. When I was visibly pregnant, I had everyone from random Uber drivers to sales people at clothing stores suddenly telling me their birth stories without being prompted. I thought it was odd but I was also fascinated by birth stories so I didn’t mind. Then I gave birth myself, and what do you know, one of my favorite topics of convo is sharing my birth story lol. Prob because giving birth is the single most epic thing I ever did. And yeah I know it’s essentially an animal behavior and billionaires of women have done it, it’s nothing unique or special, yet it’s still how I feel. I have to remember to rein it in with sharing my story cause I know most people dgaf 😆. dianaj17 :  

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