Post # 1
There are many chains that address this.. But I would LOVE to hear stories from ladies who ended things (with love and respect, not in an angry fight) because their boyfriends were scared/reluctant to take things to the next level – ie. talk about the future, move in, get engaged.. And then they came back excited to commit and without any fear or uncertainty.
I just ended a 3 year extremely happy and serious relationship because despite saying he was ready to live together months ago, he recently admitted that he’s scared to take that next step and even had a nightmare about furmiture shopping! I could be completely delusional but he’s told me and others that I’m the One, he sees us married, and he even planned on flying home to ask my dad for permission. But now that it’s time to actually make concrete plans for moving in together, he says his work is his priority and he wants to live alone. I think his parents’ divorce, culture of getting married later where we live, and his goal of being very successful could be confusing him (though of course in an ideal world I would be someone who need had a doubt about me, he is just so wonderful!).
We just came back from an incredibly romantic vacation and I’ve never been happier – I firmly believe he feels the same and he just freaked himself out. I’m praying that this will have a Hollywood ending and he will wake up and run to my apartment with 100% conviction that he can’t live without me. It’s been 2 weeks, and I know he’s devastated, but I’m trying to avoid contact so I can try to move on.. HELP!
Post # 2
You did the right thing. You went with your gut. You ended something that was going nowhere and existed only on his terms. I ended a serious relationship after finding out he had absolutely no vision for our future. That and other things, but after years invested, if your so called boyfriend cant see a future, what is the point in living in limbo. Its not fair to you. Now you have an opportunity to meet the man of your dreams. I know I did. And all because I refused to settle. Well done. Feel proud. Move on.
Post # 3
Yoy did the right thing. Trust your gutt
Post # 4
So sorry youre hurting, but you did the right thing. Hang in there♡
Post # 5
jeh312: Well yes and no.
I ended it, but he didn’t come running back “excited to commit” as you put it even though at the time, I fantasized that things would pan out that way, as I suspect you are doing now. (Ouch and hugs, I know how that feels.)
Instead I met someone even better who committed to me within a few weeks of dating, and by month three he was planning a life with me.
The closest I ever got to the ex coming back for me was years later after Darling Husband and I were married. The ex tried several times to friend me on Facebook with some thoughtful messages about what a “special” person he remembered me being, but I declined. He had his chance.
I don’t think about him anymore. I’m too happy with my real Mr. Right.
Post # 6
I was with my ex for 5 years and I waited and waited for him to commit. I finally got fed up. We went our separate ways even though it hurt us both. a month later I met my now husband. My ex was “ready” to commit after he saw another man step in and do what he was unwilling to do those 5 long years. I am happier now. Sometimes we need to leave a situation to see it for what it really is.
Post # 8
When I told my most recent ex that I wanted to get married, he went on a long tirade of how stupid marriage is, how it’s only a piece of paper, he doesn’t like my family so the wedding would be awful, etc. etc. I stayed with him for 5 years total (!!), and then broke things off because of not wanting to commit, among other things. 6 months later I started to date my current SO, and we’re going to be engaged in the next month or two 🙂 It will work out for the best – you did what you felt was right, even though it must feel really crappy right now. You’re right – if he really can’t live without you he’ll come back and be ready to commit. If he doesn’t want to commit, he won’t, but you’ll find someone who will and that will make you happy beyonf belief <3 Hang in there.
Post # 9
When you break things off with a guy hoping he’ll wake up & rush back to you with a Hollywood proposal, you risk losing him forever. If you are seriously willing to break things off permanently because he doesn’t want the same things you want, then it can be a wise but painful move & the first step to a new chapter of your life. But if you are fake-breaking up with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with as a drastic means to force his hand- you are risking losing a relationship you weren’t truly ready to give up & it could backfire on you big time. Hollywood movies can be so unrealistic! You say your relationship was ‘extremely happy & serious’ & that you just came back from a romantic vacation. Did you expect a proposal on the vacation and the lack of one triggered your actions? Please keep us updated ((((hugs))))
Post # 10
RobbieAndJuliahaha: I really needed to hear all of this, I can’t thank you guys enough! Completely agree with your points – there is obviously a lot more to the story.. but the writing was on the wall that if I brought up living together/plans for getting engaged any more it would have become nagging and would make me feel even more terrible because he ignored every attempt to discuss it. My gut was screaming at me that I needed to walk away with dignity so I told him that I totally understood that he wasn’t ready and didn’t want to pressure him so for that reason I needed to move on.. most girls will admittedly hope for a “Hollywood ending” but I truly am trying to set my sights on better relationships for me with guys that know what they want.
Post # 11
This has not happened to me when in an established serious relationship…. but has happened to me in my current relationship when we were just starting to date. 3 months in, he freaked himself out and wasn’t sure if he wanted to really be with me — so he broke it off. He called me a day later to apologize and admitted he was just freaked out — since then, he has been committed ever since. We just moved in together recently and I know he’s ring shopping because I see engagement ring ads show up all over his search pages/Facebook page now…..
I think you did the right thing in ending a 3 year relationship where he seemed to ultimately be uncomfortable with the idea of getting married. I just find it odd that he just now realized this after three years. Find someone more stable and willing to commit.
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2016 - Enoch Turner Schoolhouse
The first 2 years of our dating relationship, my Fiance and I were completely up and down and all around. After breaking it off for the 3rd time, I was ready to move on and just get on with my life. We were apart for about 3 weeks, no contact, and I went over to his place to drop off his things. He lived with his parents at the time, and his dad was home, but my (then ex) wasn’t. His dad told me he noticed the change in him – not eating, seemed depressed, was not approachable. I told his dad I was tired of waiting for him to commit (we were not exclusive at this point and all I wanted was for him to be my boyfriend) and I didn’t want to wait anymore. His dad was very supportive and even said “You’re a very patient young woman.”
Later that night I get a text from him saying “You dropped off some stuff?” Since we were still friendly, I replied. He then called me and we talked for hours! Finally when I said I had to go, he asked me for a date. Of course I wanted to, so I said yes.
On our date night, he took me out to our favorite restaurant, and for some reason, it felt like a “first date” and I had butterflies in my stomach! Before dessert, we finally talked about “US” and what happened. I told him I didn’t want to play games anymore and I was sick and tired of not knowing what “we” were. I told him I was ready to move on.
After much tears on both parties, he asked me for one last chance. He asked me to be his girlfriend. He said he never wanted us to be apart again. He confessed it was the worst 3 weeks of his life.
5 years later we’re planning our wedding 🙂
I hope he figures it out before it’s too late. BUT, should it not go the way you want it to, remember that things happen for a reason. Despite how amazing and wonderful he is, he simply may not be the one for you. Also remember that when one person walks away, another one even better walks in. Good luck!
Post # 13
gemabride: I am so happy for you. Guys are very complicated and confused creatures, sounds like he needed that wake up call 🙂 Really appreciate you sharing your story – his entire family has told me those same things and have even said I did the right thing and he’s an idiot! I really, truly think he needs this to scare him into realizing he can’t sit passively letting himself be scared when he knows in his heart he wants to spend his life with me. Fingers crossed either way. Thank you again!
Post # 14
I know this is hard but good on you for doing it. this is the right thing to do and shows how much respect you have for yourself and your time.
Post # 15
jeh312: You put yourself first and in this case I believe that was the correct decision. Believe it is, and if you’re meant to be, you will be.