(Closed) Scared to be a momma :(

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
2792 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If I was pregnant right now, I would’ve been writing this post. I’m in my early 20’s and we are actively TTC, and it sounds like we are in the same living/financial situations. Both in entry level jobs, living in my parent’s in-law basement apartment, little savings for a home of our own yet. Bottom line: there’s never a perfect time to have kids! You’re pregnant, it’s a blessing, and everything else will work itself out in time!

Congratulations, and don’t be scared!

Post # 4
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It’s completely normal to feel scared. The fact that you are concerned about what kind of mother you’ll be and have an idea of what you’ll need to do probably means you’ll be good mother. Try to relax and enjoy the pregnancy.

Post # 5
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Oh hon!  I wish I could sit and talk with you and calm you down…

Good moms are the ones who worry about stuff!  All these fears and concerns are for the well-being of your baby, your family, your husband and fullfilling your own dreams… all that adds up to being a good mom!  The very fact that you’re concerned shows that you’re already being a good mom!  Did I say good mom enough yet?! 

Try to have faith that everything will work-out in the end.  You may have some financial struggles along way, most of us do, but we make it through them and our kids are fine. 

What if I can’t give my baby the life I want to because of money, because now I won’t be able to work since I’m going to be a mom?!  I had the same fear!!  When I found out I was pregnant with my first son, I was so full of guilt I would actually apologize to him… he’s 10 now and if you ask him, life is good.  He has a family that adores him and gives him all the confidence and support in the world (money can’t buy that), he’s doing well in school (good sign for his future).  Think of all the truly important things you can offer your child~ money has little to do with the most important lessons we teach our children.

Practically speaking, I was ashamed of it, but at one point I had to apply for a scholarship for him to play soccer.  I could not afford it (I chose to become a single mom when he was 8months old… more guilt) and not one person on the team ever treated us differently or even mentioned it.  I managed to buy him new clothes and shoes, keep him fed, and meet all his needs financially.  I’m sure your husband will, too.  You could consider, after you are comfortable with your own baby, offering to babysit another child for extra income.  That way you could stay at home and make money.

You sound like a mother who truly cares for the life she’s bringing into the world and I think that is such a good sign.  Find faith in yourself and your husband.  Lots of families start out in an apartment!  And young moms can be good moms too.  I didn’t hear you mention one thing about yourself (other than working)~ you mentioned a lot of mature and valid concerns.  I already believe in you!

Are you able to talk with anyone else about your fears?  Finding an older woman who has raised or is raising children would really help you. 

Believe in yourself… and let yourself enjoy this amazing time!

Post # 6
Member
7385 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@jjmomma: I didn’t hear you mention one thing about yourself (other than working)~ you mentioned a lot of mature and valid concerns.  I already believe in you!

Said it all. I totally agree with every word. And just so you know I’m a year from 40 but we haven’t started TTC yet. So and many of the same concerns that you have, I  also share. Being a mother isn’t about age, its about heart. And from what you posted, your are ahead of the game. 

Post # 7
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m a young momma too. Well, in my mid-twenties (I don’t like to give the exact age on here) but when I had my son I was probably about your age. I love and agree with everything jjmomma said.

This feeling is so normal, it is completely scary! My son is now two and I finally started working again so we have been living off of DH’s entry level position income since our son was born. It really wasn’t horrible at all…we have lived within our means, I’ve used coupons, I still buy things for myself but not like crazy luxury items like I did before baby. But it’s not like I’ve gone without, neither has Darling Husband and most importantly neither has our son. No, we didn’t have that pottery barn nusery that I had always dreamed of but we had a ton of caring, generous people who gave so much for our baby showers so we were pretty much set, other than $800 spent on the nursury and $1500 spent on hospital bills (I know those numbers change with different insurance companies and what not but I wanted to give you an idea). That along with our amazing supportive family and friends has helped us so much.

People say having a baby changes your life but I’m not sure if I agree with that, your way of thinking will change: baby first, what’s safe, constantly thinking ahead of the game (if the little one reaches for _____ will they get hurt?)…but as they grow it’s a learning process for parents. I read 3 parenting books before my son was born, some of those helped but I learned so much just from first hand experience (and a lot of phone calls to my mother and some serious googling). I had heard a lot of maternal instincts kick in once you give birth – but I really had no idea until it all happened. Everything felt very natural.

Please feel free to PM me if you need anyone to talk to. I’ve been there. It’s rough but do-able. HUGS!!

Post # 8
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I second the PMing if you have a question or need encouragement!  You’re going to be exhausted the first few months, and with breastfeeding you will really need support from your husband, friends and/ or family.  Make sure during that time you are really taking care of yourself and not trying to do too much around the house as well.  Rest, drink, eat and bond with your beautiful baby!

Post # 9
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

It all seems really overwhelming, but the fact that you actually are thinking ahead and giving a damn means you’re already on the right track.

I was 23 when I got pregnant, didn’t have any money and a tiny 2 bedroom apartment. Was it ideal? No. But I learned a lot in those first few weeks. You just fall into it. Your heart grows more than you thought possible. You learn that life and the baby don’t care what your plans were, and you sort of just go along for the ride. Trust me, there’s a reason people do this more than once. You’re a LOT more capable than you’re thinking right now.

Post # 10
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

First, congratulations!!!

Second, you should be scared shitless! I think whether we’re 16, 20, 30 or 40 we should be scared shitless when we’re entering parenthood. It’s a huge responsibility and completely life changing. If someone were to tell me they were not a least bit scared I would be scared for their child because that person is obviously not taking it seriously enough.

On the money front, yes a baby costs money. But at the end of the day you can cut money out of your budget. I guarantee you no matter how frugal any of us think we are there is room in the budget to cut. All the baby really needs is your love, that is all.

Post # 11
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Reading you post sounds like what my mom would have written as she talks to me about when she got pregnant with her 1st. You baby does not know anything about money, they only know if they are loved, fed, and clothed. They do not need material items nor will they have any less of a life if they start out in a 3 room apartment. My mother was pregnant at my father’s college graduation, he didn’t even have a job. But they lived within thier means and my dad worked 3 jobs and 30yrs later they do not have a single regret of having children young. She was 22 and so was my dad and all I know is that my brother and I grew up in a home where we were loved and have great memories. It’s funny know when we look back at pictures and had the Chalie Brown xmas trees but we never knew it then. I should then add that the had me and bought a house since the apartment was too small and my dad’s entire paycheck went to the mortgage but somehow they made it and I loved having my mom be a Stay-At-Home Mom.

Congratulations and as long as you and your husband are willing to work together you will find a way to make it!

Post # 12
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@jjmomma:You said it perfectly!! Not a momma or TTC, but you already sound like a good one in the making! Good luck, everything will work out. My mom got preg with my brother my dad’s first year of med school….totally unplanned, but they made it, and my brother and I turned out great! At least, I’d liek to say so ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

All these posts are so sweet and I agree with all of them. (I’m also expecting and a worrier, and they helped me too!) You sound like you have plenty of love to give and are already thinking about how to best care for baby. You’ll do just fine, don’t worry, do your best and congratulations!

Post # 14
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

@scaredtobeamomma:  I feel like I am currently living this life with an almost 8 month old!  Here’s my story (in relatively short form) and I hope it helps and PLEASE PLEASE send me a message if you want to talk!!!

I’m not as young (going to be 28 in November), but hubby and I got a surprise BFP about 6 months into our marriage.  We’d been together for 5 years when we got married.  We lived in an awesome (but expensive) 1 BR with den apartment which would have potentially been ok with baby but our lease would be up when baby was 2.5 months old and we could not afford to stay.  We also were paying out the butt to take ballroom dancing lessons and generally living it up as newlyweds, and not really saving since we were content with our lives at the moment and babies weren’t really on the brain yet.  We tried to save up some stuff after we found out but it was really hard.

Fast forward to January 2011, I gave birth to Kayla on the 22nd.  I was unbelievably overwhelmed with everything and decided I needed and wanted to be closer to my family in Illinois (we lived in VA).  My sister was in Maryland (45 min away) and had gone through some crappy stuff and was trying to move back as well.  She told us we could live with her in the townhouse she and her ex-fiance owned until we all figured it out.  That was March.  This is September and we are FINALLY getting ready to move.  We are literally living pay check to pay check right now and will continue to until hubby finds a job in Illinois (I ended up transfering my job so I’ll finally be going back to work after 8 months of being home with my daugher 24/7).  

This has by far been the hardest 8 months of my life…I’m not going to sugar coat it.  But you know what, we did it and are doing it.  Kayla is a really happy smiley baby and when she’s older we will be able to remember the times we got to live with her aunt.  I Boyfriend or Best Friend (and that was HARDHARDHARD at first) and cloth diaper as well.  

As you can see, our living situation and finances are basically hell in a hand-basket. ๐Ÿ™‚  We are trying our darndest to work it out, but really what your baby needs is your love and compassion.  You will be great!!!  It’s good to worry but try not to worry too much, it’s not good for your health! 

I’ve been doing a lot of research about post partum depression since I still struggle with this a lot of times.  I have read that finances and living situation can contribute to this.  It’s also hard because I knew a lot of people in VA but now that I’m in MD I know no one and have been really lonely.  It’s so important for you to be confident that you will do your best to work things out (you and your husband) and do what is best for you family.  And find a moms group to join or make some other mom friends for support!!!  And again PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE message me if you want to talk!!!  I’ve been through pretty much this exact situation.

Oh and as for people thinking you are too young…screw them.  You learn quickly when you become a mom that really what people think about you is the least of your concern…as it should be!

Post # 15
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

Also, your baby will make everything worth it.  I can promise you that! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 16
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I was 19 and a single parent, I was fired from my job so I had no income. I lived with family to get through. Once I was able to get a new job and move out on my own I won’t lie it was tough! I have lived paycheck to paycheck all of these years.There were times when I had dial up and no cable. It was cable or food, guess which one I chose.

I recently got married and this little guy is due soon. We will still live paycheck to paycheck. We may not be able to afford a cruise every year, but we can afford the small luxuries, like internet and cable. None of us are starving, there is a roof over our heads. And most of the time my oldest son knows I love him. Right now I am the most evil person on the planet. I won’t get into all of that. I am a parent, not a friend to my child. It has not always been easy emotionally, but in 15 years he will hopefully thank me. Any parent concerned with their child’s future is heading in the right direction. If you want to succeed then you will. If you do not want to give up then you won’t.

If you ever want to chat feel free to PM me.

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