Post # 1
Hey bees. This may be one of my craziest posts but I think I am scared to be happy.
So… Fi and I had picked a venue we liked bc of location and price options. Down the road, we have had some issues planning bc of the venue and limitations, but never complained massively bc well we just didn’t think we had other options.
Fast forward to the past few weeks. Fi’s mom and my mom get to talking — mind you both moms had been difficult to deal with when it came to budgets and finances in the past — and they agree that the venue we picked wasn’t the look and feel and style they like.. And in some ways I agreed.
I was never going to complain about my venue though because again I just didn’t feel like we had options to be that picky.
Now we’ve found and picked a new venue. It’s gorgeous, and has all I feel like I wanted in a venue… and we were going to go with a smaller room but after touring the space today, Fi’s mom and mine felt this larger room that is behind beautiful is better for our guest count. We would have to cut people for the smaller room and that seems to be an issue with the moms.
In all of this — I am now overwhelmed and confused because in a lot of ways we are getting a beautiful venue and financial help and finally some support from both families.
My fiancé thinks this is amazing of course.. and I cried telling him how I felt and couldn’t explain why I was crying.
I feel like I am scared to be happy. I’m scared that something we wanted is happening. And maybe it’s because we had such a rough start with families clashing and issues with financial help… and we had so many fights and discussions and talks about it all and now it’s like working out.
I haven’t had a lot come easy in my life and I tend to put other people ahead of me.. so when something this good happens to me I can’t believe it.
I know this sounds crazy and I should just thank my stars.. but I keep going back in my head thinking we should go smaller and do smaller bc that’s better for his mom or my family or guests or something. Yet again thinking of everyone else’s needs and not what I would be happy with..
I need to trust it’s going to be good and okay and I’m lucky but I can’t shake my weird feelings or nervousness off.
Post # 2
Maybe it’s relief mixed with disbelief? You are always expecting things not to turn out how you wanted them and now that things are working out, you don’t know how to react. So you become uneasy, it’s uncomfortable because you were expecting a conflict or to feel disappointed.
Let yourself be happy and be brave
Post # 3
I’ve also had a lot of family challenges in life (especially childhood) – we had tons of money problems, behavior problems, the list goes on. When I met my guy, I was happy, but for YEARS I was always waiting for the “other shoe to drop.” I wanted to be happy, but I was also so scared that it was all going to fall apart. I had been so acclimated to crisis that I couldn’t understand how things could just be okay!
Ultimately, recognizing it and acknowledging it helped a lot. I sometimes still feel that way, but it’s way less.
You’ve already noticed what you’re feeling and experiencing, and that’s really important. Something that helped me was that when I was starting to feel scared about being happy, I would tell myself that it’s okay to feel that way, but it’s also okay to feel happy. Eventually the anxiety starts to fade!
Good luck, and I’m so happy that you found a great venue!
Post # 4
I totally get this. I went through a time when it seemed like everytime everything was going well, all of a sudden something shitty happened and ruined it. This made me really cautious about letting my guard down and just being happy during the good times, because I feel like it’s going to be snatched away any minute. I have a difficult time turning my brain off and just enjoying the moment when all I can picture is all the things that could go wrong. I don’t have much of a solution, because I still struggle with this, but maybe therapy or meds could help with the anxiety?
Post # 5
What you said rings true for me in that with quite a few things in life aaaand def the wedding, I got excited about something or expect something to work and it didn’t, or just things disappointed me or broke down without me being able to stop.
Biggest thing was this venue we are now going with – we went and viewed it a long time ago and almost signed the contract but Fi’s fam who was helping with the cost said they just didn’t think it could happen..
Now they are retracting that and saying ok now it’s fine and guess what we will even do the bigger room.
I have vented a bit about this and that to me is like mini therapy so it’s helping. I think once the big contract is signed and I know 100% we are locked in for the wedding I’ll be able to breathe and know it’s real.
Post # 6
Thanks so much love. You also hit the nail on the head with things I’ve experienced.
My fiancé is amazing almost too good to be true and I sometimes have almost made it become bad bc I just couldn’t believe he was such a good person. Like I tried to find the cracks that weren’t there – but I learned that sometimes you just do get a good guy and now this great venue and it is scary mixed with wonderful to think it is happening but it has.
🙂 thanks for your comment it really helped.