- 2 years ago
- Wedding: November 2018
I am getting married in November in my hometown, and the process has been great so far–with the exception of my mother-in-law…..
She has been an EXTREME monster-in-law. From telling my fiance she was “disappointed” in him and literally insulted his character FOR HIS TUXEDO CHOICE (because she had no say…like, what?) to the point of him crying, to her going 20 people over the 200 guest list maximum we gave her, only for us to tell her she had to cut it down– which she then proceeded to tell me how tacky MY tastes are and how she hopes people will still come to my wedding despite the “hate in my heart” for the people I made her take off the list.
But I digress (and this is all for a little background on her before I get to my real problem)….
My future MOL had a falling out with her mother decades ago. I am unsure of the details because even my fiance is unsure of the details. There was alcoholism involved and just overall nastiness from her own mother that caused my future MOL and her siblings to avoid talking with her for years…. However, about 15 or so years ago they “patched” things up somewhat. But my MOL still keeps her mom at arms length.
So, when we received the list of her guests to add to the grand and final list, her mother’s contact information was the same as my MOL’s address. I asked my fiance and he then asked his mom about it. She said that her mom wasn’t “reliable” enough to get an invite sent directly to her (?) and that by sending the invite to their house, she is “controlling the process.” With that being said, I have NO idea whether or not my fiance’s grandmother even received our save the date. We had an engagement party in Portland this month and the grandmother was NOT in attendance. My mom asked why, and MOL responded with “she wasn’t feeling very well.” I had a hunch that she wasn’t even invited, and when I asked my fiance he confirmed that indeed, her invitation to the party was intercepted and withheld.
My mom did not like this (since his mom has been consistently pestering my mom for details and is making my poor mom’s life a living hell- not an exaggeration), so she suggested we get the grandmom’s address to make sure she gets an actual wedding invitation. I got her address, and secured his grandmother’s place on our final list. I then put a list together for my MOL for the rehearsal dinner and so kindly (if I do say so myself) put all the guests into address form so it would be easier for her to see and count the guests (which by the way, it was not “easy” for her. She sent me another list format that is 100x more complicated for me to re-do the list I sent her). She noticed that her mother’s REAL address was on the list and FREAKED. THE. F. OUT.
She got VERY VERY upset and told my fiance to change the address back to my MOL’s address because they “had decided to use my parents address as her’s (the grandmom) in case she moved apartments or was somewhere else.” ??????????????????!!!????
I know families are complicated, but this seems excessive. She has been very sneaky (even hiring her OWN wedding planner so she can “consult” with them whenever she hears of a wedding detail that she doesn’t approve of), and I am afraid that a) my fiance’s grandmother won’t get an invite and my MOL will make an excuse for why she wasn’t able to come and b) that she will the use that invitation to invite someone we had asked her to take off. I know both of these seem like a stretch, but his mother is a piece of work and she has done way worse things leading up to this point. I think it is also worth noting that my fiance is very very fond of his grandmother, and he takes her to lunch whenever hes in town and tries to call her once a week (while his mother doesn’t even invite her mom to holidays, birthdays, ANYTHING).
I don’t want to get involved in family drama or pretend that I understand such a complicated relationship- so that is why I am asking for advice!! ANY AND ALL ADVICE WILL BE HELPFUL!!!!