SCARY MOTHER-IN-LAW POST!! PLEASE HELP!!

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

If they have lunch often then have your fiance hand deliver an invite to his grandmother.  Then there is zero risk of his mom intercepting it.  

Post # 3
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I agree with PP.  Hand deliver her invitation, that way there is no way MiL can get it.  If you want GMiL there, then she should be there.

Post # 4
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

OH MY GOD!!!!! Your Mother-In-Law is the worst!! I wish you could uninvite her (????) is this even a possibility? Or have husband tell her to cut the sh*t immediately and she is no longer involved in any wedding plans at all??? And yes hand deliver to grandmother. I wouldn’t share the list with Future Mother-In-Law at all at all. I would just completely grab the reins in this case FFS. She hired her own wedding planner???? You have GOT to me sh*tting me!! 

Good luck Bee!!!

Post # 5
Member
6167 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Why is she having so much control over the wedding? Is she paying for it? 

Post # 6
Member
4286 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

TBH, his family drama isn’t your business. I don’t think it’s right to go around his mom’s back when she’s made it clear what her wishes are. You asked her, so then I think you should respect them.

The other stuff sounds ridiculous, but you don’t even know the whole story of what happened between them (nor is it your business) so it’s rude and presumptuous to act as though you know best.

Post # 7
Member
9396 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

holy cow, your mother in law sounds terrible.

I actually agree with @saratiara2 — it’s her mother, I’d back off on that, unless your husband has a good relationship with his grandmother and really wants her there of his own accord (but it sounds like he didn’t really see his grandmother much growing up, and if inviting her is *for* your Mother-In-Law then I don’t get why you’d push her?)

That said, my eyes really jumped out of my head when you said she hired a wedding planner just so she could have someone to “consult” with.  WTH?  Also what self respecting wedding planner was like “sure why not, let’s totally make someone elses wedding a disaster”.  I really really really hope you find out who she hired and leave an honest yelp review….  “My mother in law hired X so that she could have a “professional” back her up when she criticized every single choice my husband and I made.  I’m frankly shocked any wedding planner would agree to this.”

Post # 9
Member
6398 posts
Bee Keeper

I would go to grandma’s house or call her directly and see if she even received the STD and then confirm with husband to make sure the invite gets to her

Post # 10
Member
5551 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
chhunter :  

You have no idea what happened between her and her mother. Your fiancé doesn’t even know. I’ll be honest that I think it was out of line to go behind her back like that. Maybe she’s holding it because she wants to see if her mother is stable at the time of the wedding?

I would freak the hell out if someone did that to me too

ETA I would probably be more sympathetic and see her as more of a monster if you weren’t so blasé about the family dynamic. You lost me there.

Post # 12
Member
2955 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2006

Why is FH not getting involved? I say leave it in his court. If he wants to invite GMIL, let him give her an invite at their next lunch. If he doesn’t care, he doesn’t have to do it. It’s his family, so let him make the decision. I’d just stay out of it and let things sort themselves out. Have you asked him how he felt about it? 

Keep her out of the planning details. I mean, why did she dictate the guest list? Isn’t that up to you and FH? I understand needing extended family’s addresses from her, but why not just send her a list of the people you need that info for? 

Let her stew and worry in her own little bubble with her crazy ass wedding planner she’s wasting money on. I wouldn’t even include her in anything from this point on. Five months is a LONG time to suffer like this and it’s only gonna get worse as the day approaches. 

And for Pete’s sake, why is he not telling his mom to back the hell off???? 

Is it too late to elope? Lmao

Post # 13
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee

She sounds like a freaking nightmare, and I understand you being pissed that GMIL didn’t receive an invitation since your husband loves her and wants her there! However, you should let your husband handle the situation. Make sure he understands that if he doesn’t intervene, his grandmother will most likely not receive a wedding invitation. Then put the ball in his court. You’re in a tricky situation, because it is her mother and she knows the relationship best … but it’s HIS grandmother and it’s HIS wedding, not your MIL’s. If he wants his grandmother at his wedding, then that’s not up to his mom, she will have to suck it up. But you shouldn’t be going behind your monster-in-law’s back unless your husband is leading the charge. It’s his fam, don’t get involved unless he asks you to. 

Post # 14
Member
2230 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Completly agree with PP that fiancee should handle his own family. If he wants to invite his grandmother, he needs to either confront his mother and tell her grandmother is going, or needs to find a way to invite her himself. He absolutely does not need to leave this up to you. 

I also agree that hiring a second wedding planner is rediculous. Before you leave a review, I would make sure that the wedding planner knows what is going on. Hopefully they would excuse themselves from the situation immediately 

Post # 15
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2020 - New York, New York

I’m sorry your mother-in-law is such a headache. However, now is a good time to start setting boundaries, because I doubt she’s going to change, and you don’t want her meddling in all of your major life decisions (what home you buy, how you raise your kids, etc). One boundary that I would set is that under no circumstances can she contact your mom! 

You don’t have to get involved since it’s your fiancé’s mom. He needs to be the one to sit down with her and lay out the expectations–what’s okay and what’s not. If she doesn’t respect your wishes, there should be some kind of consequence, like less visiting time with the two of you or a smaller role in the wedding. 

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