- 3 months ago
I am writing here to get some frustrations out, as I can’t talk to anyone in real life. This is also my confession of stuff I did that, upon reflection, I could have proably handled it better. I am a teacher in the southern hemisphere, so we are still having school currently.
I am still at the same school (where I got shouted at by the colleague, and headbutted by a couple of boys last year). Recently, the principal asked for suggestions on how to improve the school (he gave a framework of topics to give suggestions in), and specifically, how to improve discipline. I wrote an email about the discipline (as the deadline was different to the other list of suggestions), and then I also wrote a second email asking questions about certain issues – an email to which neither the deputy principals nor the principal bothered replying/acknowledging. I sent a third email that followed the framework – I ended up writing 16 pages of stuff (that included pictures). I just feel that I have done my part by speaking up when management asked for comments, yet it feels like they are just going through the motions, and they are not really listening. In the cumulative 20 pages of communication with the management, there was some sensitive issues that I brought up (especially in the context of this country). Yet, they have not bothered to ask me to elaborate, they have not changed anything – except for the acknowledgement from the principal that the last email (16 pages) was received, it almost seems like the email just vanished!
Now that it is exam time, I have to invigilate my Grade 9 register class more often than I would like. On Friday, the children were particularly rowdy. They refused to listen, so I walked out with their exam papers. I found the Grade Head, threw the papers down at him and told him that I could not stand it anymore. To his credit, he was nice about it, and actually spoke to the group who caused most of the trouble. Fast forward to today, the children had an hour of study time before starting their exam, and in that study time, one of the girls were writing a make-up test, so the rest of the class had to be quiet. They were not quiet, and I got fed-up, so I emailed the whole class’s parents with a general reminder, and sent some specific emails to the culprits’ parents, and CC’d the Grade Head and the principal.
Now, for the past three months I have been emailing a number of parents regarding different matters, and I have always CC’d the relevant parties (the subject HOD or the Grade Head of that particular learner, as well as the principal). I have to admit, I do not like to sugarcoat things, and I am a blunt person – so my emails generally reflect that, and nobody ever gave me suggestions on how to improve my communication skills. Until today. Grade Head actually replied with some tweaks that I could make to the email to get the parents on my side. The only problem was, I had already sent it out to the parents (CC’d to him, and principal, and Bcc’d to the parents), and while I don’t necessarily agree with the sugarcoating suggestions he made, I do actually appreciate him taking his time to help me improve. But the email I sent in reply to his email did not reflect that….. and I actually feel like a brat for how I wrote the reply. I’ll probably have to apologise at some point for what I wrote….. Clearly, I have to work on my written communication skills!
On a personal note, I have been on Yaz for six months now – and it has made me lose my mind. It was so bad that my GP prescribed Xanax to help me cope (not that I took it, but then I have a history of going rogue on my meds). This started three months into taking Yaz, and I think that is too much of a coincidence to not blame Yaz for the aggression and the rollercoaster of emotions that I have been feeling. I could not take it anymore, so I am going to the gynae today to discuss what can be done – because surely it is not normal for someone to just turn aggro out of the blue? That there might be a link between the Yaz and the emotions? I also want to discuss with her about the Metformin (see older post about the details). I did not take the Metformin at all, and managed to lose 10kg through exercise and diet alone. At the three month mark of taking Yaz, I started to become unmotivated in doing things I previously enjoyed, including running, resulting in no further weight loss. However, I did try to stick to a healthier diet, so I have not gained back the weight either. I want to go off the Yaz, because I am convinced that that little pill is messing with my head, and I would rather have a normal mind and imperfect skin while enjoying life, rather than be a pressure cooker ready to explode (or throw stuff at people) with perfect skin who is not motivated to live life anymore.
I am just so frustrated with everything, I just had to get it out.