(Closed) Screaming kids, do you judge the parent?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 32
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Daizy914:  I think one time when I was 3 or 4 I was acting up in a store. We were actually there, if memory serves, to replace my dad’s wedding ring. My mom got mad at him and threw his original one away or something. So anyway, a toddler version of me was acting up. They yanked me out of the store, drove to a church, and threatened to leave me there. I had to beg to come home. I don’t think I ever acted up in a store again. 

Post # 33
Member
628 posts
Busy bee

iarebridezilla:  +1. I even gave you a “helpful” vote, though I don’t know what that does, lol. It’s easy to judge people when you’re only seeing part of the picture but that doesn’t mean you should. I think all parents (or people who have experience with kids) have been there. Certain things can’t be planned and you just have to deal with them as they come. 

Post # 34
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

 

If it’s a younger child then no.  But if it’s an older child just acting out, running around, causing a scene, being terrible etc. and the parents aren’t doing anything to straighten them out? Then yes, I do judge them for that.  Nobody wants to deal with your little hellion.

I really hate it when people bring babies to the movies, though.  I had to sit through 2 hours of crying because some idiot wouldn’t go outside with their baby, and when they did, they only when to the side where you can’t see them but can still effing hear them.  That really pissed me off because it ruined everyone’s experience in the whole theater and wasted at least $14 of everyone’s money.  I was really, really pissed and if I had seen that woman on the way out I would’ve had some choice words for her.

I might be meaner about this though, I don’t have kids, don’t want kids, don’t like kids, etc.

Post # 35
Member
404 posts
Helper bee

I don’t judge the parent if the child is rather young, like, younger than 6.  Kids throw tantrums.  It happens.  

Post # 38
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I don’t judge when I’m in the grocery store. That is a place where sometimes, people simply have to be. You can’t get by without picking up food for your family, and we’re all busy people – there isn’t always another time to stop by the store. However, I do judge when I am in fancy restaurants or in movie theatres. Those are for entertainment and are not essential; in that sense, I am a paying customer and am having my experience distrupted. It is unfortunate, as parents are also paying customers, but by bringing a child into an unnecessary establishment, you run the risk of having to leave with a screaming baby or child. Wait staff and customer service wouldn’t allow a grown adult to bother other patrons, so I don’t see why children and babies should be exempt from that rule. If this happened, not only would I judge the parents for the continued distruption, but I would make a point of saying something either to the wait staff, usher, or to the parents themselves (politely, but firmly nonetheless).

As someone who works with children on a daily basis, they absolutely throw fits at inopportune times. It’s unfortunate and hard to deal with, but needs to be done. I always get down to the child’s level, calmly explain to them that if they do not stop their inappropriate behaviour by the count of three, that they will be removed from the situation and placed in time out. There have been very few times where I’ve actually had to put the kid in time out, but honestly, as long as you stick to your guns, the kid gets the picture and it becomes less and less frequent. This is what my parents did with my brothers and I, and it worked out well – whenever it didn’t, a spanking was in order and believe me, the behaviour never repeated itself.

Post # 36
Member
3051 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Yes I do in many situations. Not all but I judge the parent based on their behavior, not necessarily the kids. Though if the child is over 4 throwing a tantrum, the parents should have locked that down several years ago!

If it’s a 1 year old and the mom has a full cart of groceries in a check out line…ok, I get that. If like a PP mentioned, mom’s getting a coffee at starbucks- no, get out of line and take care of your kid. I have 8 nieces and nephews and one great nephew (and a million baby cousins lol) and the women in my family teach their kids the “look”…if they get that look, all hell will break loose if they don’t stop whatever they’re doing and behave. I learned that REAL quick as a kid

Post # 37
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

Hell yea I do if I can tell the child is a total brat used to getting their way but not if I can tell their just tired and want to leave. I cannot stand the children that scream kick and throw themselves all over the place. That is bratty and obviously they aren’t being disciplined. 

Post # 39
Member
2511 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Daizy914:  Assuming the kid isn’t mentally handicapped & the parents aren’t deaf, I don’t understand why someone would NOT reprimand the child for acting crazy like that in public. I don’t mean scream/beat/belittle them, because I’ve seen people talk horrible to kids in public & that’s even MORE wrong, but I’d expect them to do more than stand there & pretend it’s not happening. I AM a mom & while my son isn’t yet old enough to know better, once he does reach that age he will be expected to act decent. I know kids throw fits, but hitting/spitting/kicking the parents, breaking stuff or acting disrespectful to others is not acceptable. Turning a blind eye to bad behavior is not doing your job as a parent. That being said, each child is going to respond differently to reprimands & punishments. Some kids might laugh in your face if you give them a “talking to” so they may require a few swats on the butt, while other kids will respond much better to a stern voice or “time out”. Discipline of some kind is a requirement for raising a decent person. Children have to be taught consequences for their actions in one way or another, or else we’re going to have an entire generation of hoodlums running the streets. There is a difference between discipline & abuse though.

Post # 40
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

Daizy914:  I feel bad for the parent. While I find screaming kids annoying, no one probably hates it more than the parent – and they have to deal with it more frequently than strangers in passing. Problem is, every one has an opinion on what the parents should do – some think the kid deserves a smack, others think the kid needs a stern talking to. Maybe none of those options are right for parent and child. Maybe the parent has already tried everything, or maybe not acknowledging the child in that state gets better results. And some little kids just go through a tantrum phase. My friend’s toddler threw a tantrum because she didn’t get a balloon at a concert! As soon as her daughter starts throwing a tantrum, she takes her home. She doesn’t want to deal with the tantrum, especially in public when people may be judging her for her child’s behaviour.

I don’t have any children, but I sure do sympathise with parents when their kids start throwing tantrums! I saw a post of Facebook about ‘why my kid is crying’, and a lot of them are over the funniest things, like – ‘I wouldn’t let her play with a bag of dog poop’. Sometimes there is a justified reason (in the child’s mind) for why the child is upset. A parent can’t possibly pick when it will happen, or why, and can’t avoid every situation where a child will decide to throw a tantrum!

 

Post # 41
Member
876 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Daizy914:  Eh don’t judge until you’ve been there. I’m sure the mom was mortified but the best thing to do is ignore the childs behavior so they don’t get the attention they are seeking. Also you don’t know any details. Maybe that child has a learning disability, Autism or another sensory disorder. Is the mom just supposed to stay home forever? The best parents are those who don’t have kids yet though lol. 

Post # 42
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - City, State

I totally judge if the parent doesn’t get stern with the child. I have walked into places, heard a kid screaming and just walked right back out. I ask to be moved in restaurants if a kid starts in at it. I try to keep myself out of situations where screaming kids will be an issue, but when I am stuck in a situation where I can’t get away from it and the parent does nothing I am giving the parent ‘the look’, not the child. When I was younger ‘the look’ meant I was going to get a slap on the back of the legs if I didn’t shut up. I only got slapped on the back of the legs a couple of times before ‘the look’ worked. Once it worked, it worked every time. Obviously I am not advocating beatings, but a swift open handed slap on the back of the calves is probably what a lot of kids need. Some people are just too scared to do it these days.

Post # 43
Member
4426 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I don’t judge parents of young children if their kid is throwing a tantrum. It happens and sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do to get out of wherever you are to deal with the situation. My niece doesn’t throw tantrums so much anymore as she’ll become super defiant at times (she is SO my sister) and just lay down when she doesn’t want to do things. When she’d do this to me, I’d tell her once “Please get off the floor.” If she didn’t, I would ignore and pretend to be leaving her area. She would get scared enough that she would get up, apologize (sometimes not very enthusiastically), and follow. I do, however, judge parens of older kids/teenagers who throw a tantrum. I try to look at the kid and remember that some kids have disorders/disabilities that affect their emotional reaction to things (ED, ODD, CD). However, after teaching for a few years, I’ve realized that quite often, it is because of how the parent responds that leads the child to act the same way (I’m talking teens who cuss out fellow teachers because they asked them to lower their voice in the hallway). You wouldn’t believe how some kids talk to adults and think it’s okay. 

Post # 44
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Daizy914: She was probably trying to pay so they could leave faster. It’s very difficult to be a parent since kids DO have tantrums – no matter how good a parent is. I know it is going to sound annoying..but it really is easier to be sympathetic once you have your own kids.

Post # 45
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Yes and no. I’m a pediatric psychologist – so I should know a lot about behavior. If a kiddo is throwing a tantrum and caregiver is ignoring it and not giving in to whatever the child want –  go them! I am very happy to see them try to teach the child that a tantrum is not going to get them that candy bar.

You also never know what sort of special needs a kiddo has – like other posters have mentioned, kids can range from just more sensitive to low functioning autistic. For those kiddos,  “the look” isn’t going to cut it. I’ve worked with parents who used to hand out cards that said “If you’re a behavioral specialist, feel free to jump in, otherwise, back the f*** off – my child has autism.”

This shaming of parents is astounding in our culture – we somehow believe that if we can’t see it, a disability doesn’t exist. And the general public feels it’s their right to shame this momma even more. Jerks. 

However, if that parent is giving in to the tantrum and giving them their heart’s desire or trying to bribe them or doing something that would not be appropriate- then I become judgey! I have to step back and talk myself out of jumping in – because it’s what I DO for a living. 

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