(Closed) Screwed up :( please, I need help

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Do I tell my FI?
    Yes : (92 votes)
    94 %
    No : (6 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7872 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I thought you were going to say you cheated on him or something…

    This is not serious at all. You lost your keys – no big deal! Accidents happen. Tell him.

    Post # 4
    Member
    367 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Just tell him. I lose my keys sober!  Im sure he will understand! Don’t be so hard on yourself! Smile

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    263 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I would go ahead and tell him. If you have a history of drinking problems, I doubt it will shock him. I too have embarassed myself while drinking on more than one occasion, so I know the feeling. *sigh*

    Post # 6
    Member
    765 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Tell him. It’s not a big deal. People lose their keys all the time. It happens.  

    However, if you think you have an alcohol problem, that’s a whole other issue and you should probably talk to someone about that before you get married. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    345 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Tell him and get help for your alcohol addiction. I know from personal experience how destructive it is to a relationship. “Fun” you can’t even remember is not worth the waking embarrassment and shame that comes afterwards. Not to mention lack of respect from those you love. I don’t mean to be harsh, but alcohol abuse is so, so destructive. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    181 posts
    Blushing bee

    Deep breath, hon. They’re just keys. I’d tell him about the binge drinking (because that’s a problem you know you need to curb) but I don’t think you need to expound on the keys unless you’re worried someone has them who knows where you live and all the locks need changed.

    Post # 10
    Hostess
    7564 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    @Upsetandconfused:  I hope it went alright. The truth will set you free! 

    Post # 11
    Member
    9956 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    First and foremost ((( HUGS ))) to you cause I know this is hard

    Admitting you have a problem IS THE FIRST STEP

    Ok now some cold hard facts…

    You have to tell your Hubby-2B and this is WHY

    You need to get the locks changed… if you’ve lost your keys, and you don’t have much recollection of where or how (alcohol black out)

    Then you are putting BOTH of you at danger.

    IF someone puts you and your keys together (ie they “lifted them” from you somehow) then you run the risk of having your home broken into..

    Get the locks changed.

    And tell your man the truth.

    By NOT TELLING HIM… you are essentially just kidding / convincing yourself again, that this is one more circumstance that isn’t as bad as it looks, and you are smart enough to work around it / overcome the “inconveniences” that your illicit affair with alcohol has on you

    (I can be blunt… because I was married to a Binge Drinker, who got worse and worse over time… until he was a full-blown DEPENDANT alcoholic who drank each.and.every.day… and was oh ya, DEAD by the time he was 50 !!)

    DON’T BE THAT ALCOHOLIC

    (Don’t do that to those who LOVE you most… a Hubby, Children, Parents, Siblings, Friends, etc)

    Go get help NOW…

    Get it NOW while you are young… while you have your whole life in front of you.

    Get it NOW while you have years to purge the alcohol out of your organs so they can recover and you can go on to live a long life

    DO IT NOW

    Pick up the phone, call AA… go to a meeting, find a sponsor, meet others who struggle.

    Make a connection.

    ONLY YOU CAN SAVE YOU

    It WILL NOT be easy…

    But you can do it…

    One.day.at.a.time.

    (( HUGS ))

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    7492 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    This doesn’t sound like THAT big of a deal, keys can be replaced (although car keys are expensive to replace). The bigger deal is that you are saying you have a drinking problem, but it sounds like you’re willing to work on yourself. I say tell him.

    Post # 14
    Member
    4528 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Tell him, and work on your drinking problem

    Post # 15
    Member
    1623 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    The issue at the heart of the matter isn’t the keys, it’s the drinking.  You know that, you admitted it to us here, and I think that’s why you’re afraid to tell your partner.  “I lost my keys” is a different thing than, “I lost my keys because I was blacked out.”….just like, “I slept in because my alarm clock didn’t go off” is different than, “I slept through my alarm because I was passed out drunk”.  The context here is key (no pun intended) and if there’s a history of binge drinking (and the behaviour that comes along with that), that makes it even more contextually significant that drinking was involved.

    As difficult as that discussion may be for you, you have to have it.  First, being your soon-to-be-husband, he should be your biggest support person to help you get help for your drinking problem.  Second, being your soon-to-be-husband, he deserves honesty from you and he has a right to fully know who he’s marrying, flaws and all.

    If you know you have a drinking problem, you need to get help to stop drinking.  It will not get better without a committment to stop drinking and getting therapy.  It won’t “just stop” magically.  You owe it to YOURSELF most, but you also owe it to him.

    You are strong enough to do this. Do it now before things get worse.  Take care of yourself!!

    Post # 16
    Member
    126 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Upsetandconfused: I think you know what the right thing to do here is. As PP’s have said before, it’s a good start that you are admitting that you might have an issue with alcohol. Yes, your FI may be angry at first but you know he cares for you so much and wants what is best for you. Don’t hide it from him…

    My best wishes! Hope things work out.

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