(Closed) Seating arrangements and other FMIL issues (long vent)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
1915 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Unless your Mother-In-Law is paying for this wedding, I would stop asking her opinion or sharing wedding details with her.  Just let her know that you’re excited for her to enjoy your special day as a guest.

Post # 4
47412 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
Mode:  Many brides end up dealing with similar scenarios. Many parents, grandparents etc have not been to many weddings recently and cling to the standards that were in place when they got married. Even Bees do it here, telling people they should or should not do something, not based on etiquette at all, but based on what they are used to where they live.

I would tell you to stop sharing details, but it’s hard to do that and still involve others.

In lieu of that, there is a visual exercise that we were taught in the ER. Picture yourself with a veil (particularly apt for a bride) that covers you from head to toe. Nothing can penetrate the veil. Nothing that anyone says or does can get through the veil to hurt you.

I can almost guarantee that after the wedding those who have been critical will be singing your praises for planning  a beautiful day.

Remember the veil.

Post # 6
969 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015


i know it’s hard but it’s your wedding, your choices, the end. Yes it’s annoying when parents and in laws try to step in but you are an adult, you are paying for it, you can stand up for yourself and say well this is what’s happening come and enjoy it or don’t. From here on out I suggest leaving your Mother-In-Law out of any of the wedding planning except for small things you can easily control. its hard for ppl to see how their comments are hurtful sometimes when they have never been in a certain situation like having a step family, and you kinda opened the door for her comments by invting her to help plan something so big. I’m. It saying what she said is ok, she’s just not worth getting this bent out of shape about. Seriously stop stressing about it, it’s nothing personal against you, moms and MILs just sometimes have a hard time not being in control and not being the planner Or having things not go their way. Think about it you spend 18 years bossing your child around; it’s hard to give that up sometimes. yes her comments were hurtful but she is just being selfish which is her issue not yours. This seriously isnt worth the amount of stress u have over it, don’t let it ruin your planning, breathe and by all means eat somethin 😉 

Post # 7
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My Future In-Laws judge me because I haven’t got much of a family – just my mother and my younger brother.  My mother became estranged from both sides of family over 30 years ago.

Future In-Laws seem to have real difficulty in understanding that I don’t feel the need to repair these relationships, and that I’m quite happy with the way things are.  Funny thing is, even though Future Father-In-Law is one of 13 children, and Fiance therefore has tonnes of cousins etc, none of them are what I would call close. 

Your Future Mother-In-Law was very rude in what she said.  And the price she now pays for that rudeness should be no involvement in any future wedding planning.  Especially as she’s not paying for any of it.  

Post # 8
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Omigosh, you sound so kind, patient, and gracious towards your FMIl.  I would have cut her out of the details long ago!  do not stress! Forge ahead, do exactly what you want, smile and be non-committal around your Future Mother-In-Law.  Your fiancé sounds like a gem, by the way! 

The topic ‘Seating arrangements and other FMIL issues (long vent)’ is closed to new replies.

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