(Closed) Seating of dad's girlfriend? (sort of vent/long)

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
2453 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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@beachbride1216:  Perfect advice.

OP, as for the rehearsal, have her come and sit there to squirm awkwardly.  You’re already including her by letting her come- you certainly don’t have to make a speech or anything thanking her.

Post # 18
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Have her sit directly behind him. 

Post # 19
Member
6036 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

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@lolita39:  

Also, I agree with a PP, I woulnd’t have invited her to the wedding period. Even if that means he didn’t show up. That would be on him if he chose not to go, and a grown man would realize why it would have to be that way.

Post # 21
Member
6036 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

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@lolita39:  Please don’t allow her to sit in the front rows. Those seats are meant to be for guests of honor and she doesn’t qualify. She isn’t your dad’s wife so she needs to consider herself lucky that she’s even there.

Post # 22
Member
9806 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

DH father has a girlfriend. His mother is remarried. I put all of them on the same first row. At a different wedding, they sat on opposite sides but my family needed the other side at ours so I made them suck it up and sit together. However we don’t have a problem with his girlfriend (his mom was the one that left and is remarried to the guy she left for) so I was perfectly fine with her sitting up front and she walked in with his father as well.

But in this situation I would just put her behind Dad. Say that first row is family only and have her sit right behind. Just don’t have her in the processional, have an usher seat her before it starts.  If he really wants to sit with her I’d put them both in the second row behind mom.

Post # 23
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Traditional etiquette does allow you to put dad and his Girlfriend 2 or 3 rows back, to allow Mom’s family room. 

Post # 24
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@lolita39:  OK, the idea of a pumpkin carved with “bitch” made me laugh out loud. Good for you for even having the slightest sense of humor about this situation.

Post # 25
Member
1833 posts
Buzzing bee

You are a saint to be more worried abouty your g’ma.  She must be very special.

Can I just ask what she thinks about all of this?  I’m guessing she is mortified that her son is dating someone younger than her granddaughters.  Yuck.

Can you have a chat with Grandma and ask her how she would feel if you said no to the girlfriend and then dad chose not to come?  I think the discussion could be worthwhile.

I am the biggest proponent of never splitting up  social units, but this is just gross.  I have a much bigger problem with your dad in all of this than I do his girlfriend.

Post # 26
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

lolita39

gosh that is a sucky situation. i would say..they are not married. my moms husband walked her down. but they are married and have been for like 6 years. so if they wornt married i wouldnt have her in the front rows. it kinda awkward. My brother walked me down the aisle but i dont think he sat with his girlfriend. she more sat in the third row, right behind him since that row was family. a friend of mine said that her and her husband went to a wedding where she had to sit at a table far from the main table, where he had to sit since he was a Groomsmen. She didnt know anyone and had to sit there with the singles cuz the girl had no place for her. she just shut her mouth and stuck it out. So thats what i would say this girlfriend of his has to do.

Post # 27
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@lolita39:  Holy cow! What a messy situation. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I don’t know what I’d do if my dad started dating someone I went to high school with– especially if he left his wife for her!

Here’s my take: You are a grown ass woman. Daddy doesn’t need to walk you down the aisle if you don’t want him to. He can escort your grandmother down the aisle and then sit down with the girlfriend if he must. I would reserve the first row for your mom & close family. Second row for elderly guests who need a place of honor and third row for fathers and mistresses. Unfortunately, I think if you are set on inviting him (and her) then you have to let them act as a couple and sit together. It sucks but I don’t really see a way around it without him being in the bridal party or something. 

Post # 28
Member
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ugh. That’s a mess!

I agree–I’d put Dad and comically underaged mistress Girlfriend in the second pew.

And I wouldn’t worry about the rehearsal–we had people there that weren’t in the actual wedding party!

Post # 31
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@lolita39:  Wow, the two of them honestly just sound like horrible people.

Why invite her? She literally shuns stuff for family does, and now is demanding her way into your wedding to parade her own importance. 

Your dad is an adult (at least physically) and his own person, and HE needs to make his own choices to go somewhere like an adult, with or without his play toy there as well. If that upsets your grandma, that is totally on him, not you. It is time his horrible life decisions came down on him.

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