Post # 1
Title says it all. I just found out this morning I’m pregnant again. I’m 26. I had my first abortion when I was 23 and swore it would never happen again. My boyfriend at the time (now husband) and I used condoms as our primary form against pregnancy and I guess one broke and I got pregnant. It wasn’t super upsetting at the time but it was not a fun experience. I opted for the medication abortion as opposed to the surgical one. After the abortion I got on hormonal birth control right away and have been using it ever since. Last month my period showed up 10 days early – something that never happens – but it was a full/normal period and I didn’t think much of it. Now my period is due tomorrow. I got what I thought was my period 2 or 3 days ago, it was reddish brown and I had a little cramping but it went away which was weird. Today I just felt off and something told me to take a pregnancy test to ease my mind because I didn’t want to stress about it. Well I took it and at first I was like “okay great not pregnant!” but then I look closely and there was a definite line, it was faint but it was there. I promptly took two more right after and both of those had the same faint line. I was and am floored. I don’t want a baby. My husband doesn’t want a baby. I’m a mess and feel so guilty. I don’t know how this happened…not once but now twice.
I went into work after finding out but was able to schedule an abortion on my lunch break. It’s next week but I wish it was sooner. Both of my SILs had trouble getting pregnant, one of them took over three years, and here I am pregnant again with a baby I will not have. I don’t understand it. Also, my first abortion happened when we were living in a very liberal area of California and now we live in a very conservative southern state and the thought of protestors makes me sick. My husband feels so bad and feels like it’s his fault somehow. I’m trying to be strong for him but inside I’m a mess. Now the thought of having sex scares me – I got pregnant using condoms and then again got pregnant on birth control.. I wish there was a point to this post but there isn’t. Just me feeling like a fool and hating myself for having to put my body through something so awful again. I’m crossing my fingers I miscarry before my appointment but I know that the likelihood of that is very small.
Post # 2
Guilt is a normal feeling in this situation. If you have trouble coping, please seek therapy. You are making the best decision for you and your husband; remember that. Trying to be strong for your husband and crossing your fingers for a miscarriage aren’t helpful coping mechanisms, though. Talk to him about how you truly feel. You are both in this together and it sounds like you’re making the right decision. Yes this freaking sucks, but it’s for the best.
Now going forward, what is your plan? Have you considered an IUD? If you are both sure you don’t want children, why doesn’t he get a vasectomy?
Post # 3
Bee, stop beating yourself up! You took the right precautions, and this isn’t anything to feel guilty about. It’s still possibly early enough that medication is an option? Protestors are judgmental fools, who are very often the worst hypocrites about this sort of thing. They should be the last people on your mind, screw them!
Post # 4
lovelyruby : agree, vasectomy will make sure she doesn’t have to endure this ever again!
Post # 5
mrstodd2bee : Sadly at 26 that isn’t a decision we are ready to make yet. We may have no children but we also may have just one. I am an only child and my mom had me at 38, and I sort of liked the idea of following in her footsteps if we did decide to have a child.
Post # 6
lovelyruby : I think I’m going to get an IUD after the procedure. I’ve been using the patch and it’s worked well for years but not this time..
Post # 7
techmom : I’m one day shy of 4 weeks pregnant so I am early enough for the medication abortion (you have to be less than 10 weeks) so that’s what I’m going to do. It’s what I did the first time as well. It hurt quite a bit once the contractions started but at least I’ll be in the comfort of my own home, but I am already dreading the amount of blood and pain that comes with it. If it was my first one I’d be going in blind but since it’s not I sadly know exactly what to expect.
Post # 8
Bee, you are being very hard on yourself ( I know that you can’t help it). It’s not like you are irresponsible. I know others who also had more than one abortion.
I think that you are making the best decision for you and your family. The only suggestion I can make for next time is to have two methods of birth control. I mean continue to use a condom or aponge and one hormone method (birth control pills, IUD, patches etc). That’s what sex health counsellor advised me. With two methds, if one fails the other works.
Hang in there, bee. You did if the first time. You have the strength to do it again. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am sending you positive thoughts.
Post # 9
sarahvans : Oh hun, I feel for you and have been in that position. It is such a shitty, painful choice to make, even when it is the right choice for you and your husband. My heart goes out to you guys. And I’d love to walk with you and punch a protestor if necessary 😉 Sending you internet ((hugs))
Post # 10
Don’t be so hard on yourself bee. It’s a difficult time and I’m so glad you have a supportive husband by your side. Definitely check out another form of contraception like other PPs have said and look after yourself. Sending you a hug xx
Post # 11
I can’t imagine how scary this is for you. I’m childfree by choice and that is not something that I anticipate will change in the future, and I have to admit that until my fiance finally nuts up and gets his snip I have a constant mild fear every time we have sex. I use the nuva ring and so far so good but I know we have been lucky too. Especially when I was still single, I know it was pure luck I never ended up pregnant or with an STD.
You have had some shit luck and it’s not your fault.
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2007 - City, State
sarahvans : I don’t believe you were being irresponsible or careless because you were using what you thought to be reliable birth control. You are doing the right thing by immediately scheduling the abortion as early as possible. It’s literally just cells right now. It’s still going to suck though. You cannot let what others, even your sisters, are going through guilt you into something you dont want right now. Or what you might not want period. Your situations are mutually exclusive.
For what it’s worth, I am 32 weeks pregnant with my 4th baby. I could never go through with an abortion myself and I used to be one of those crazy people who was insanely pro life. And then I pulled my head out of my ass. I’m not a super fan of using abortion irresponsibly because a person was too inept to be on birth control, especially when an abortion occurs later on, but that’s not what this is. And just because you had another oops still doesn’t mean you should stay pregnant if that’s not what you want. You were trying to not get pregnant by being a responsible adult. Hang in there.
Post # 13
sarahvans : Hi bee. I wanted to let you know a couple things.
One – I’ve been where you are. It sucks. But I have no regrets and I would do it again. Why? Because I made the right choice for myself (and my partner) and at the end of the day I deserve the autonomy to do so. So do you.
Two – multiple abortions are very common. And they have been in some form or another throughout history. Why? Because women get pregnant, even when they try hard not to. If abortion weren’t so stigmatized you’d realize you know many people with multiple abortions in their past.
The infertility your sisters in law experienced is also very valid and difficult, but you should not beat yourself up in comparison. And no one else should either.
Lastly – there were protestors outside the clinic I went to, despite living in a liberal area. I’m sure this is uncool of me but I’ll be real: fuck those people. You’re so far above that level of judgment and lack of compassion.
Post # 14
I don’t have anything to say, I’m just sending you hugs
I also think an iud would be a good option for you
Post # 15
Don’t beat yourself up, bee. You did everything you could to prevent this and you acted responsibly. Will your Darling Husband come with you to the abortion clinic?
I hope you’re doing okay and I’m sending you an internet hug!
Agreed with PP suggesting an IUD, and also a vasectomy if that your Darling Husband would be open to that.