Second abortion and am feeling like an idiot

posted 2 weeks ago in No Kids
Post # 2
Member
3210 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Guilt is a normal feeling in this situation. If you have trouble coping, please seek therapy. You are making the best decision for you and your husband; remember that. Trying to be strong for your husband and crossing your fingers for a miscarriage aren’t helpful coping mechanisms, though. Talk to him about how you truly feel. You are both in this together and it sounds like you’re making the right decision. Yes this freaking sucks, but it’s for the best.

Now going forward, what is your plan? Have you considered an IUD? If you are both sure you don’t want children, why doesn’t he get a vasectomy? 

Post # 3
Member
552 posts
Busy bee

Bee, stop beating yourself up! You took the right precautions, and this isn’t anything to feel guilty about. It’s still possibly early enough that medication is an option? Protestors are judgmental fools, who are very often the worst hypocrites about this sort of thing. They should be the last people on your mind, screw them! 

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
2240 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

lovelyruby :  agree, vasectomy will make sure she doesn’t have to endure this ever again!

Post # 8
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

Bee, you are being very hard on yourself ( I know that you can’t help it). It’s not like you are irresponsible. I know others who also had more than one abortion. 

I think that you are making the best decision for you and your family. The only suggestion I can make for next time is to have two methods of birth control. I mean continue to use a condom or aponge and one  hormone method (birth control pills, IUD, patches etc). That’s what sex health counsellor advised me. With two methds, if one fails the other works. 

Hang in there, bee. You did if the first time. You have the strength to do it again. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am sending you positive thoughts. 

Post # 9
Member
3584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

sarahvans :  Oh hun, I feel for you and have been in that position. It is such a shitty, painful choice to make, even when it is the right choice for you and your husband. My heart goes out to you guys. And I’d love to walk with you and punch a protestor if necessary 😉 Sending you internet ((hugs)) 

Post # 10
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

Don’t be so hard on yourself bee. It’s a difficult time and I’m so glad you have a supportive husband by your side. Definitely check out another form of contraception like other PPs have said and look after yourself. Sending you a hug xx

Post # 11
Member
2658 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I can’t imagine how scary this is for you. I’m childfree by choice and that is not something that I anticipate will change in the future, and I have to admit that until my fiance finally nuts up and gets his snip I have a constant mild fear every time we have sex. I use the nuva ring and so far so good but I know we have been lucky too. Especially when I was still single, I know it was pure luck I never ended up pregnant or with an STD. 

You have had some shit luck and it’s not your fault. 

Post # 12
Member
481 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

sarahvans :  I don’t believe you were being irresponsible or careless because you were using what you thought to be reliable birth control. You are doing the right thing by immediately scheduling the abortion as early as possible. It’s literally just cells right now. It’s still going to suck though. You cannot let what others, even your sisters, are going through guilt you into something you dont want right now. Or what you might not want period. Your situations are mutually exclusive. 

For what it’s worth, I am 32 weeks pregnant with my 4th baby. I could never go through with an abortion myself and I used to be one of those crazy people who was insanely pro life. And then I pulled my head out of my ass. I’m not a super fan of using abortion irresponsibly because a person was too inept to be on birth control, especially when an abortion occurs later on, but that’s not what this is. And just because you had another oops still doesn’t mean you should stay pregnant if that’s not what you want. You were trying to not get pregnant by being a responsible adult. Hang in there. 

Post # 13
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

sarahvans :  Hi bee. I wanted to let you know a couple things.

One – I’ve been where you are. It sucks. But I have no regrets and I would do it again. Why? Because I made the right choice for myself (and my partner) and at the end of the day I deserve the autonomy to do so. So do you. 

Two – multiple abortions are very common. And they have been in some form or another throughout history. Why? Because women get pregnant, even when they try hard not to. If abortion weren’t so stigmatized you’d realize you know many people with multiple abortions in their past.

The infertility your sisters in law experienced is also very valid and difficult, but you should not beat yourself up in comparison. And no one else should either. 

Lastly – there were protestors outside the clinic I went to, despite living in a liberal area. I’m sure this is uncool of me but I’ll be real: fuck those people. You’re so far above that level of judgment and lack of compassion.

<3

 

Post # 14
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I don’t have anything to say, I’m just sending you hugs

I also think an iud would be a good option for you

Post # 15
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Don’t beat yourself up, bee. You did everything you could to prevent this and you acted responsibly. Will your Darling Husband come with you to the abortion clinic?

I hope you’re doing okay and I’m sending you an internet hug!

Agreed with PP suggesting an IUD, and also a vasectomy if that your Darling Husband would be open to that.

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