Second chances.. thoughts?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
781 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

This guy sounds like an ahole. He thinks he is so perfect but you need to audition to be his wife? No. 

Don’t let any man make you feel like a circus act just to get a ring. You will be auditioning for the rest of your life – he will never love you unconditionally as a husband should. 

Post # 17
Member
5846 posts
Bee Keeper

Just chiming in again to say guys like this make the kind of husband who tells his  wife she needs to lose that last 10 pounds of post-baby weight to look as good as the neighbour next door. 

If it walks like a douche and talks like a douche…if you marry it, it’ll just become an ultra-douche.

Post # 18
Member
298 posts
Helper bee

Wow.  For me, I would leave.  You are probably a very awesome person, you don’t need to change for someone to love you.  You are very lovable RIGHT NOW!  Find someone that loves you now and wants to marry you for who you are.

Post # 21
Member
1996 posts
Buzzing bee

OH HELL NO. Just that.

You sound like a very smart, compassionate and lovely woman. He sounds like a condescending asshole who does NOT merit a second chance. You deserve SO much better than this douche. Stop wasting your precious life on him.

GAHHH! I’m so mad!!!

Post # 22
Member
3306 posts
Sugar bee

After reading your other thread…. I’ve come to the conclusion that your Boyfriend or Best Friend is full of crap

 

3 days ago he was saying he was ‘still getting to know you’, and NOW he apparently knows you well enough and is telling you  that you need to fix X, Y & Z in order for him to marry you.

He’s toying with you. Dump his ass and find someone who will marry you “flaws and all”.

Post # 23
Member
8963 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

vantage00 :  It’s very clear that he does not respect you. Even if he does you the favor of marrying you (that’s sarcasm — it should not be a favor!) you’re not going to be happy long term with someone who does not respect you. I am convinced that mutual respect is even more important than love for a happy healthy relationship. When someone gives you a long list of things you need to change before they can be happy with you, it’s time to leave. 

Post # 24
Member
10070 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

You can do better. Don’t settle for this guy.

Post # 25
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020 - Clarksville, VA

If he still doesn’t know if you’re the one after 2.5 years, he’s not worth your time. I get that everyone knows at their own pace, but I think hesitation so far into the relationship is a HUGE red flag. If he expects you to change for him, he’s an idiot. Change for you and you alone. The right man will love you as you are.

Post # 26
Hostess
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

There’s so much take on his side and so much give on your side, you know that’s not how it’s supposed to work, right? You’re young, he’s a douche, move on. 

Post # 27
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

Girl no, leave his ass right there where he is at.  he is not husband material. Your future husband will not try to change your essence and will always love you for who you are, “imperfections” and all. 

Post # 28
Member
4246 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

He has told you what he thinks of you and how he views your relationship.  Listen to him.  Don’t waste more time trying to make this work because it won’t.  A man who is worth your time won’t give you a laundry list of things you should change about yourself in order to be “worthy” of him.

Post # 29
Member
3238 posts
Sugar bee

You teach people how to respect you by having enough self-respect for yourself. You need to get some more of it. Sure, there are things we can all work on, and probably should work on, but no one should change fundamental parts of their person for someone else to meet their criteria of “wife material.” If my Darling Husband had said that when we were dating, the only material he would see that I was “ex material.” Don’t compromise who you are for anyone.

He should love you for who you are, right here, right now. If he doesn’t, and he couldn’t marry you tomorrow after who you’ve shown him you are for the last 2.5 years, then you need to put yourself first and leave.

If you can love him for who and how he is, and not want to change X, Y, Z about him, what’s so horrible about you that he can’t do the same?

Post # 30
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

I had an ex who made me feel like he needed to change me first before I was the right girl for him.

It was awful. I lost my confidence with him, I started thinking that I wasn’t “good enough” because I didn’t tick all his boxes. He had an image of what his GF/Wife would be like and he tried to change me so that I’d be like what he imagined he’d end up with.

It was exhausting. I didn’t want to change and I was tired of hearing that perhaps I could put more makeup when we go out, or that he wanted to get me a personal stylist cause he didn’t like my dress style. I didn’t feel like I could be myself when I was with him because he didn’t allow me to be myself. 

Anyway, breaking up with him was the best thing I’ve ever done! Being with Darling Husband now and I feel that I’m me 100% of the time – I didn’t need to change myself to be his wife. He adores me for me. He tells me that I’m beautiful every day (he says I’m more beautiful without makeup on).

This is what a relationship should feel like. You shouldn’t need a list of your “imperfections” so that you may one day be good enough for him. You won’t be. Those are his issues. You are awesome just the way you are! It’s not about you, it’s him.

Dump him.

 

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