Second chances.. thoughts?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
7705 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Well, he said some pretty things, but the kind of changes you are asking for in him are not the work of a moment. Also not sure it’s really possible, in his case, to go from believing you’re not “the one,” telling his friends you’re not the one, coming up with a list of things he doesn’t like about you, etc. to reversing all those positions over night. 

I also find his comment about “wanting to see you as an equal” extremely offensive and condescending. 

I get that you love him and want to make this work…I’ve been there, believe me. But there’s a world of difference between promising to do things and actually doing them. What I think happened here is that he never expected you to stand up for yourself like you did. He has been taking you for granted, and now you kind of changed the rules of the game by telling him that HE needs to change. He is scared of losing you so he frantically promised to do all this stuff, wept like a baby, etc. – I’ve seen this play out so many times in dysfunctional relationships. 

Personally I think you should leave, but I know you probably wont’ at this point (and I don’t judge you for that – I stayed in a bad relationship for years longer than I should have). At the very least proceed with great caution and make sure you actually hold him accountable to his words.

Post # 48
13 posts

It sounds like he might have some significant self esteem issues and by trying to make you perfect, he will then be good enough– since right now he does not feel that way. His criticism toward you is projecting how he feels toward himself. Its great that you are starting to communicate more openly to be able to identify the issues. I hope you can work on things together to move forward since it seems like you really love him. Just don’t lose yourself and your own self esteem in the process.

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