- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
FH & I both have pretty large families. I have 15 first cousins and FH has 11. A lot of them are married and have kids. On my side, we have about 8 young kids (under about age 7 or so) who my mom and I have agreed we don’t want at the wedding. They’re second cousins and very rowdy when they’re all together. We’re only inviting one… my cousin is my Maid/Matron of Honor and her daughter is the Flower Girl. On his side, his cousins have a total of about 22 kids, most of them younger than middle school age, and most whose names we don’t even really remember. We don’t really want most of them at the wedding. Budget isn’t the problem, as food for kids under 10 is free at our reception hall and my parents told us to invite who ever we want anyway, no real limit… we just don’t want all the chaos of 20+ little kids running around.
It seems pretty cut and dry… no second cousins/no kids. However, there are two of his second cousins who are more like first cousins to FH & his family. His cousin is older, probably about 40, and her kids are about 17 & 12. That cousin and her kids come to every single party/dinner/event FH’s immediate family has, while we barely ever see all the other cousins/second cousins. His parents, and we, agree that we would like those two second cousins at the wedding. However, we feel like if we invite the two second cousins we want there, we would have to invite all 20+ of the rest of his cousins’ kids. And then my cousins would be offended if we didn’t invite their 8 kids. So we would end up with about 30 young children under like 14 (the large majority are under 10).
So we don’t know what to do. We all really want those two there but we don’t want to invite all 30ish of the rest of the kids. Without all the second cousins, we only have about 4 people under 21 invited to the wedding (three are first cousins and only the Flower Girl is under 10). We thought we were just not going to invite any of the second cousins (including the two we’re close to), but seeing them at Christmas made us rethink that plan (we saw those two, of course, and none of the others). Now we want those two there even more.
We’ve had a few ideas on how to handle the situation but we’re not sure what do. We’ve thought about setting an age limit type deal… say, only kids over 11 and up. We’ve also thought about giving those two some small part in the ceremony (maybe passing out programs or something similar). We can safely invite those two without my cousins getting upset, since they’re older and my cousins won’t know the difference between those two being first or second cousins, but the issue is his other first cousins and possibly offending them by not inviting all of their children. Any suggestions?