(Closed) Second engagement first wedding

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
2290 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s not innappropriate to have a big wedding and wear a princess ball gown just because you were previously engaged. That’s absurd. Have the wedding you want to have. Don’t make the event small and simple unless that’s what you want.

That whole “small, casual, no frills” thing is usually done when it is the second wedding for the bride and/or the groom, by the way; not people who were just previously engaged. That’s not even done as much now, though. 

Post # 3
1123 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It’s your wedding. If you want a big princess ballgown and you and your fiance want to go with a formal wedding, go for it.

Post # 4
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It’s understandable that you feel this way when according to your other thread, your first engagement ended just a few months ago.  Perhaps you want to slow down a bit so your feelings from your breakup aren’t overshadowing your new relationship so much?  If it’s affecting you to the point that you don’t feel like you can plan the wedding you want or get the ring you want, then that might be telling you something.

Post # 5
5226 posts
Bee Keeper

RoseRose:  There is no reason you can’t have the wedding you want. It will be your first wedding. As far as the ring goes, you seem pretty fixated on your first engagement ring. I don’t see any reason why you can’t have another cushion cut halo, if it is really the only ring you are going to like. 

Post # 7
437 posts
Helper bee

I was engaged before and just recently got engaged for the second time. My fiancé and I were both engaged before (after very long relationships) but neither of us had really done anything except choose venues and attendants.  (No invites, dresses, etc)

I’m so SO happy that my ring is completely different from my first one and his ex’s.  Every time I look at it, I think only of him and it’s wonderful! 

That said, I COMPLETELY understand why you would feel uncomfortable Celebrating. Even just announcing that we were engaged felt like people might judge us as though it wasn’t AS special. It’s such a terrible way to feel about something AMAZING! 

I’ve come to realize that my life is MY LIFE and if people want to judge me THATS OKAY!  You’re never going to please everyone and when I lay on my deathbed and I think about my choices, I never for a second want to regret anything, especially celebrating my love!  

Post # 8
5226 posts
Bee Keeper

RoseRose:  Well, I think that a compromise will have to happen for both of your comfort levels. When rubber meets the road, it is only a piece of jewelry. I still think you can find something you at least like, if not love. If you really love a cushion cut, stick with that and change other elements. What about a double halo and split shank? Maybe a solitaire with claw prongs?



Post # 10
1 posts
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’m curious why you feel you can’t have the ring you want? Just because you had a similar one previously. Do you feel it’s disrespectful to your soon to be fiance?

I was previously engaged (twice, actually) neither of them worked out. The first time, ex proposed to me, and the same weekend I found out he was cheating on me, so I didn’t even get a chance to announce it or anything and broke it off, returned his grandmother’s ring, clean cut. The second engagement was to a guy I had been dating for five years but looking back now, it was a lukewarm relationship that consisted more like roommates. He found himself while in another country (for school) by cheating on me too. That engagement had gone a little farther though, I had a ring (that I picked out), we had a very small engagement party but I didn’t plan….anything. We didn’t have a date, no dress, no nothing. So I had nothing to really cancel. It was a very difficult breakup (thanks to ex) and my family were very supportive and worried about me. But it was the best thing to happen to me. I met my current fiance and we’ve been together about five years.

We dated for close to four years before becoming engaged, and I admit, I was hesitant to announce it, mainly because I didn’t want people to think ‘oh she’s engaged again..wonder if she’ll actually make it down the aisle this time’. But nobody did. They had met him, spent time with him, loved him, and were very happy for us. Nobody said anything about the previous engagements. I think because we took our time getting to know each other, allowing friends and family to see us, enteract with us, it was a natural progression. This relationship is very different in a good way, and I think those that care about us, see that.

Since then, I don’t even consider my first two engagements ‘real’. For one, I didn’t do anything for those two really. I attempted to dress hunt on #2, but none of the dresses felt ‘right’. Ironically I found my perfect dress for my current engagement/wedding….without much trouble at all. (Another sign I am on the right track.)

So my advice is that your friends and family won’t compare it to your failed engagements. If they like your fiance and think he’s a good fit, then they will happy for you. And you shouldn’t feel any guilt over your previous engagements. Be glad they ended, their ending got you to this point. And don’t you feel better in this relationship and direction? If yes, then don’t let those engagements hold you back. If you want THAT ring, then get that ring, nobody is going to notice that it was similar to your old one. If you want a princess wedding, then have one and don’t you dare feel guilty about it. This isn’t about your old engagements, it’s about YOU and your FIANCE and the relationship that you have now. And if you are happy in it, then celebrate it the way you want.

Post # 11
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

RoseRose:  Just pick the ring you want girl!! its going to be on your finger the Rest. Of. Your. Life. might as well be something you can live with! Plus i doubt anyone cares or will remember what your last engagement ring looked like. I think your last engagement ring (cusion cut thin band) was an expression of your personality and it seems only natural that you would have a similar one the second time. Good luck!

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