Post # 1
I am usually a pretty decisive person.
But all of the sudden it’s like I make a decsion and immediately regret it. What’s up with that??
We picked out a ring. I thought about it long and hard. Love it. It is ordered. Now I am like… will I love it in ten years?
We decide to elope just the two of us. Getting ready to book the destination. Super happy with the idea. Now I am like… will it be too hard on the kids if they aren’t there? Should we have a small wedding at home instead?
I decided to sew my own gown. Got the pattern, bought the materials for trials. Made my plan and was totally happy with it. Now I am totally paralyzed thinking it will all not work out and I’ll regret it.
I mean c’mon!??
Is it normal to second guess everything!?!? I guess I just feel like there is so much at stake, like I’ll make the wrong decision and regret it.. Only one wedding etc etc..
Did you guys all have that and if so, does it get better?!?
And if it’s not normal: OMG does it mean I’m not ready!?! Now I am really upset!
Post # 2
I think it’s normal to second guess yourself. I had massive reservations about my ring when it was being made.. whether it was ‘classic’ enough for me to still like it when I’m 50. I realized that I don’t care – I love it now and that’s what matters. I can cross those bridges when and if I come to them.
However, I would pay attention to your reservations about eloping without your children. Unless they are all adults, I think they should be a part of it. You are forming a new family after all and they are a part of it too. If my parents remarried without me, I would have been devastated – I know somebody who didn’t invite his children to his wedding and they were extremely upset and don’t really want to see him anymore. Just a thought.
Post # 3
I know! That’s what I am worried about.
We just wanted to keep it easy and not with an audience. My kids are 14 and 16 and 21. I love them, but they are not exactly conducive to relaxation and couples time. Teenagers are not the best travelers 😉 And it’s our honemoon at the same time. On the other hand: we both have never been married. I think my kids would really be hurt…
So unclear about how to attain my vision but not let my children feel left out. Probably start a new thread about this in a couple of days as we should clear that up before we book anything, obviously…
Post # 4
I thought I was doing great for an indecisive person. Got a dress, picked two venues, even made a guest list with only one breakdown. And now it’s time to book the photographer, and I am going insane. Like I think I’m ready to go with somebody, and I start to write the email/make the call, and I start to hyperventilate and just generally freak out. “What if I make the wrong decision and screw up EVERYTHING?” No real words of advice, but I feel ya, bee.
Post # 6
The wedding is only a few weeks away, but I’m not second guessing anything. I’ve been analyzing this, because I think I should be…at least to some degree. I think it comes down to the fact that the important thing for me is marrying my fiancé. I don’t care how it happens, just so long as it happens. The party is for the guests and they’ll love whatever we do for them, so it doesn’t matter if the center pieces aren’t perfect, or the flowers aren’t over the top.
I guess my best advice is to focus on the purpose of the day, and the meaning behind it, and not focus on the pretty, but ultimately unimportant details. If you want it to be the two of you, go somewhere beautiful, get married and then take the kids on a trip as a new family unit. If nothing else, I’m sure the three can fly together – have them all fly to your destination a few days after. It gives you guys some time, but they are still included in the whole event, on some level.
You have to do what you feel will make the day the most important to you, not be thinking of what you should do.
Post # 7
Thank you! Interesting idea. I think we all have to sit down and have a talk about some things and options. And I need to talk to my teens!
Post # 8
Very welcome! We did this when a family member eloped…they went on a Tuesday, I believe, and the rest of us joined on Friday for a 4 day weekend to celebrate and have a fun mini vacation as well. Something to consider! Or flip it, everyone goes together, they come home early and you guys have couple time and get married, with a few days then to celebrate!
Post # 9
I think it all depends on your personality. Do you tend to over think things? Are you a worrier? I am! I have second guessed everything! I’ve actually made several last minute changes to the wedding including my gown, color scheme, and menu! You’re not alone. There are just soooo many options for weddings that it becomes overwhelming. You’ve said yourself that while you obviously love your children, traveling with teenagers may take away from the romance and add to your stress. You know yourself and your children best, so I think you made the right choice. You can always find ways to include them before or after or both. You can take them with you when you get the marriage license, go to a special dinner with them, have them help you create a wedding scrapbook with your photos, etc. The wedding is ultimately about you and your wonderful husband! Oh an I can’t wait to see your dress! You sound very talented!
Post # 10
YUP. I weirdly think that thinking twice, three times (more?!) about every wedding-related decision is par for the course. But with a vision and some faith, it’ll all be beautiful.
Post # 11
I saw the title of this thread and my first thought was”Oh thank God!” . We booked our venue, but then I wondered if we should have looked at more. I was torn between 2 dresses. I bought “the one” and know it is absolutely perfect for me, but still can’t help thinking about the other one. My Maid/Matron of Honor is married and assured me this is absolutely normal. I think the same thing you do – I’m onky doing this once, so I want to get it right.
Hang in there, take a breath, and know that there’s a reason you’be made the decisions you have, and not chosen the alternatives.
Post # 12
I read this article called “Your wedding will not be timeless” or something along those lines and that helped me a lot. I just keep reminding myself that this will not be our last party, this is not the last dress I get to wear for eternity, this is not our only time to celebrate. The article combined with those reminders seems to be working so far.
Post # 13
Thanks for this!! I’m having a lot of the same problems are the OP and I looked up the article. It makes a lot of sense!
Just do you and be happy 🙂 that’s what I got out of it anyway.
Here’s a link: http://apracticalwedding.com/2013/07/timeless-weddings/
Post # 14
I think this is normal. If its not then I am in big trouble! It has been coming and going in stages for me. I will have a couple weeks where I feel ok and then some time where I am going insane second guessing everything! I like what the others have said… do what feels right for you and FI!
Post # 15
you’re welcome! Thank you for sharing the link. I was feeling too tired to go on a search when I posted. 😊