(Closed) Second guessing every decision.. normal??

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
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Shesaidyes:  Second guessing lots of details is pretty normal I think. I’m having a fairly casual (but still about 150 people) wedding & I’m happy with this & having fun planning….but occasionally I’ll see a weddingbee photo/ blog etc with a formal hall or a beautiful wedding dress & I’ll second guess myself….grass is always greener etc. And I’ve flip-flopped a few times with the idea of an outdoor wedding (loving the outdoors, fearing the weather). 

But- I would put your indecision about your kids in another category than this. Because this doesn’t sound like simple logistics decisions to me, this sounds more serious and as though you are truly torn on including your kids and could end up plagued with guilt over it. This decision you should seriously take time to consider because a year or five years from now other details won’t matter, but not having your kids there might still fill you with regret. Can you have the ceremony and a nice dinner locally with your kids and then take off for your honeymoon just the two of you? 

Post # 19
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Shesaidyes:  If you’re already feeling badly now, and you know it will hurt your kids, why is this even a question? Doesn’t make you a bad person for wanting to get married alone, but you do have to find a balance between considering your own needs and those of your children. Why is it so important for you to be alone when you’re married? 

Post # 21
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Shesaidyes:  Well I can understand your concern that if you have the wedding local, then other family members will want to come too and the size of the wedding will just escalate.

I’m a mom of older kids, and spent most of this time as a single mom, but I don’t feel burnt out (lol by work yes, but not my kids). I’m not saying this to judge you but to ask if maybe you did too little for yourself over the years? Our kids should come first, but we matter too. So maybe if you weren’t able to take time for yourself over the years, you’re feeling it now? And now knowing you’ll be a step-parent on top, to younger children, it’s feeling a little exhausting? So yes, you do need a break of some kind, but I think if you’re feeling burnt out and are taking on additional responsibility, you need to also have a long-term plan for taking time for yourself after the honeymoon….make sure you have some downtime for yourself, whether it’s a yoga class or lunch with a girlfriend, on a regular basis. Just because it’s important to me for my kids to be at my wedding doesn’t mean I think you’re a horrible person for feeling differently- my concern is that you’re already questioning your choice & feeling bad about it & it sounds like this is a decision you might really regret & you can’t un-do it after the fact. Have a heart to heart with your kids, if they’re supportive of your decision this can alleviate much of the uncertainty you’re feeling & if they are upset by your plans, better to know sooner than later how they feel.

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