(Closed) Second guessing. HE wants a baby, I want a wedding

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You have to decide what is more important to you, A really big party or starting your family sooner. That’s what it boils down to. Only you know where you are at with this.

Post # 4
Member
206 posts
Helper bee

How old are you? You don’t want to hold of having children forever, and the longer you wait, the harder it;ll be to conveive. 

Post # 5
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh boy,,, Fiance is currently doing the same thing.  I told him to put his baby fever on hold since most of the wedding deposits have been paid.  I don’t want to have a newborn (or be pregnant at our wedding), but he sees it as a non-issue.  Although, if I were in your situation and only little details were planned, I think I’d probably be more open to your FI’s plans!  Is there any way you can move the wedding up and still have your big wedding (maybe scaled down a bit), which would allow you to baby-make sooner?

Post # 6
Member
1550 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

ya, how old are you? i think that is what matters.

we had a really huge ginormous wedding, but now i am regretting it. we spent so much money on it, but it was only one day. we spent thousands for a couple hours!

now, we are going to have to start our family much later than i would like because we have to save up money after the huge wedding.

Post # 7
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

How recent is this baby fever he’s having?  It seems odd that if you’ve been together for 9 years, he all of a sudden needs to have a baby right away.  If it’s been 9 years, is another year gonna kill him?  Or has he been talking about a baby for years now?

 

Post # 8
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

You need to sit him down and both lay out what is important to you. It’s not that you don’t want a baby, but that you don’t want one NOW. You want to celebrate you as a couple first before expanding your family and, in some ways, handing your life over to your children. You want to be a bit selfish first – I completely understand this! 

If you “have time” and are young then you don’t have to jump into kids right away.

Post # 9
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yeah, how old are you and how old is he?  My husband kinda freaked out when he realized that he doesn’t want to be 40 when our kid is 10 years old.  Which was a good thing for me because I’m ready for a baby at any point.

I do have to say that my wedding budget was only $10k and having a kid may be more but I don’t think I could put a price tag on a kid. Now, with a one day party like my wedding, I personally did not want to spend more than $15k on my wedding.  Not to diminish what a great day my wedding was, but it was still just one day. I wanted to make sure that our wedding wasn’t too big or expensive that it kept us from having a family, buying a home and going on vacation in the future. etc. I think having a kid is expensive in different way then a wedding.

Now when I had my wedding, we both didn’t want kids at that moment. We were okay with waiting 2 years after the wedding to have them.  We were both okay with waiting, since I’m 27 and my husband is 28.

I think you guys need to talk this out and figure out a compromise.

Personally, I would want a smaller wedding rather than a larger wedding. So if I  had baby fever while planning I would probably give up the larger wedding so that I could have kids sooner.  That’s just me but yeah… think you guys need to figure something out.

Post # 11
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

How many people do you want to invite to your wedding?  I had 130 guests at my wedding and for us, it was a perfect size. Not too small but not too big. If I had to, I could have reduce our guest size to 100.

There are always ways to cut down on wedding costs.  You don’t have to have a very small wedding. How much is your wedding budget?

 

Post # 12
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee

We are in the same issue

Post # 13
Member
3204 posts
Sugar bee

You still have plenty of time to have a kid. I think you should have the special wedding you want, just don’t go overboard and spend too much! You can have both! I mean, you’ve waited 9 years to get married! You should have that special day for yourselves before the next 18+ years are taken up with kids.

Post # 14
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I had the big wedding and spent a lot of money, but I do not regret one single thing. I watched the wedding video last night and was in aww at how perfect everything really was, but that’s what I wanted and I knew I always wanted that. We are going to be TTC soon so hopefully by our 2yr anniversary we are at least expecting. But it really all boils down to what you want. I knew I would regret not having the wedding and by waiting a couple of yrs I got to have both.

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