(Closed) Second Marriage Etiquette ??

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

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Sarahep85 :  My fiance has been married before and I have not. We are doing a full blown wedding ceremony and reception. He didn’t do that the first time and this is something that we both wanted. I think that its up to you in regards to you wanting a wedding to celebrate the union.  This is the first for you two as a couple. I think that you will be supported by family and friends no matter what. I know plenty of people who’ve had a second wedding after being divorced.

Post # 3
164 posts
Blushing bee

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Sarahep85 :  You should celebrate your wedding. Do whatever you want. My aunt got married for a second time recently and we did everything. Honestly it was a blast.

Post # 4
1191 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I got married at 23 10 years ago and had a big wedding.  I swore up and down I would never plan another wedding since I know it’s a waste of money.  But, my fiancé has never been married and once we got engaged and talked about our options, it was easier to do a smaller wedding locally.  Of course it’s not really small now 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️ but it’s been fairly easy.  His parents gave us the money to do whatever we wanted, wedding, house, etc so we are using some for the wedding and whatever (if) we have left we will use towards furniture for a house.  My parents are giving us money for furniture as well, since they already paid for my first wedding.  I’m having a shower, bachelorette party, all the works.  Part of me feels cheesy and guilty because I have already been married before but it feels like another life ago, and I want to celebrate my fiancé and our love and life together.  Do what YOU want.   

Post # 5
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

DH and I have both been married before. Our first time around, both of us had large formal weddings mostly planned by others (in my case, it was all about what my mom and former Mother-In-Law wanted, I didn’t have much of a say and they were paying for it and I was too young and trying to please to object). So this time around we planned a more casual wedding, paid for everything ourselves and it was so much more fun wedding planning!

I’m of the mind that you can do whatever you want, encore or not. But our own choices:

We decided to forego the pre-wedding events (stag & doe, shower, engagement party etc) but a few well meaning relatives organized a couple of low key celebrations for us anyway which actually were nice. We had a casual beach themed wedding so I wore a long dress but not a wedding dress. We had about 130 people (DH’s idea of a small wedding bless his heart- lol he’s Italian), a catered buffet and open bar. We had an on-site brief handfasting ceremony.

We didn’t do formal pictures or hire a DJ, we just had friends and family share their pics with us & used ipod playlists with a borrowed prof sound system (in hindsight I think I would have hired a DJ, it wasn’t bad doing it ourselves and I had fun creating playlists, but DJs also help with changing things up etc, announcements etc) We had sunflowers for wedding party and female family members and at the tables, late night pizzas for those who stayed longer, sheet cake from grocery store bakery. 

One thing I do recommend even if it’s your second wedding, whether you go formal or casual- if you can fit it in your budget, I had hair and make-up artists come to my home for myself and the wedding party. It really made the morning special and made me feel a bit pampered and definitely like a bride 🙂

Post # 6
1407 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle

I don’t think there are any rules. Go hog wild!

I was married before and had the big wedding, but husband had not. I wanted to elope and he wanted a wedding of sorts, so we had a very small affair. No bridal shower, no giant wedding party, no photographer, no DJ. We did have bachelor/bachelorette parties. We paid for mostly everything (my parents split the dinner cost with us as our gift). My SIL took fantastic pics, we just had an ipod for the ceremony, and a dinner party after. I still wore a white dress. My sister, who was my moh, and my other family members all came over that morning and we had a giant hair/makeup party. I loved that day so much more than my original wedding because it was more “me.” 

Post # 7
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

iʻm divorced as well but i had the big wedding the first time (SO never married) so Iʻm skipping some things like the bridal shower cuz really I donʻt need things but I AM doing engagement photos, bridal portraits, dress shopping, etc cuz those things I did miss out on the first time and they mean something to me this time around. Itʻs really all about what what you want this time really. if you donʻt want something, you can be kind and not do it. if you feel like you missed out on something important the first time around, by all means make it happen! 

Post # 8
12 posts
  • Wedding: December 2017

I have been married before while my Fiance has not. I had a very large wedding the first time and personally did not want a big wedding. My Fiance has a pretty long guest list. We are having a big, informal celebration. Not really doing much in terms of decor and what not but lots of food, drinks and music (we love dancing). Our venue requires a 1030 clean up so we already have a small after party planned in one of the cabins.

Post # 9
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I don’t think there are any rules for this. I had a small wedding with my ex and had a much bigger wedding for my second marriage. DH has never been married and we wanted to have a fun party for our family/friends.

I didn’t have shower, because it felt silly to me. We also didn’t register because we have all of the household goods that we need. We’re both mid-30’s and well established in our home/careers so the gifts weren’t something we felt was needed.

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