Post # 1
So long story short, I’m divorced at the age of 22. My ex decided he didn’t love me anymore, and went to bang his ex girlfriends instead, then promptly left me with nothing.
The good news? I’m engaged again, and getting married next month! I’ve found my soul mate and can’t wait to spend forever with him. He’s divorced as well, from a similar cheating and abusive ex, but we’ve both had time to heal and are ready to spend our lives devoted to eachother, and no one else.
The issue is, that my friends aren’t treating me like it’s special. It’s as if a second marriage (eventhough we’re both young, excited, and had short previous marriages), isn’t nearly as important, that’s it’s no longer “my big day”.
This doesn’t seem fair. I’m just as excited as any bride could be, but no one is excited with me. What can I do? Has anyone else had this problem?
Post # 3
It is still exciting and you can still have a wonderful wedding if you want to. But personally I do see where they are comming from. It is technically a second marriage for both of you, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be a beautiful wedding still. Forgive the horrible analogy here but it is like having a second child, everyone is still super excited, but they already gave presents, already had the shower, etc. just my thoughts. Maybe they are not the same as other bees
Post # 4
@globalmargaret: Sad thing is, I never even had a bridal shower! Tons of friends have shown up for my friends and their weddings, but no one is even interested in mine. It’s just sad 🙁
Post # 5
Awwww 🙁 I am a divorced bride on my encore marriage too…the thing is I have a different group of friends all these years later who never even knew me when I was married before, so this is not an issue for me. I am sad for you, because you deserve that excitement!! I never had a bachelorette party, and for sure, I’m having one this time. I’m not sure how to address your concern with your friends…
Post # 6
You both made it out of crappy relationships alive and found someone who treats you well and makes you happy… that sounds special to me 🙂
Pick a friend who would be the most understanding and tell her how you feel. Sometimes women think they don’t deserve a lot of hype over their second marriage and it shows. You may be sending off signals that you don’t want a lot of attention. Make sure she knows how special this is to you and I’m sure she’ll be more than happy to share your excitement with you.
Post # 7
@Spinder: What do you mean by “not as excited”? Also, how long ago was your first wedding? Did you have all of the traditional parties the first time around?
I’m a second time bride and I actualy find myself downplaying the wedding more than my friends and family. I didn’t have a shower or bachelorette the first time around, and I assumed I wouldn’t this time either. But it sounds like my Maid/Matron of Honor and mother have a few parties and events planned. I’m completely overwhelmed by their generosity – but still worried about the perception.
I think a big part of why they’re going all out is because I didn’t get those things the first time and because my first wedding was 10 years ago. A lot of the friends I have now weren’t involved back then, so I think they’re treating it like my first “real” wedding.
Post # 8
@sportsgal31: I was first married in March of ’10. I never had a bachelorette party, or even a bridal shower. Even my own parents aren’t treating it as being as special. There was no rehersal dinner, just a wedding and reception. This time around there isn’t even going to be a reception. We’re having a small ceremony for cost and calling it good.
I just want people to at least pretend that they’re happy for me.
Post # 9
I was first married in March of ’10
so you were married, divorced and remarrying again within 21mths??
i have tried to type this out a number of times without sounding bitchy (and failed) but here goes – its understandable that people arent getting excited about paying for parties and gifts to be honest. not knowing you or your situation of course but 2 weddings to two different men in less than 2yrs before you are 25yrs old is tough for people to get excited about
goodluck, i hope you do enjoy your day
Post # 10
don’t worry about everyone else. enjoy your day.
Post # 13
@eloping Unfortunately, I agree.
OP, it kind of seems like you’re rushing things. Even though it wasn’t your fault that your first marriage ended so soon, it still seems like you’re jumping into another marriage without giving the first one time to cool. How long have you been dating your current SO? My guess is that given your track record, friends and family are probably thinking this marriage will have a shelf life similar to your first and don’t want to get excited about what may end up being a short term thing.
Post # 14
@eloping: Totally agree with you. Married twice in 21 months doesn’t sound like a good track record. Sorry if thats harsh. I too wouldn’t be all that excited for the Bride. People may be thinking ‘here she goes again’ and ‘how long to you think this one will last’. Sadly everyone will have an option, just try to enjoy your day. I hope this marriage lasts for you both.
Post # 15
@eloping: +2. I didnt know how to respond to this thread honestly. I think you hit the nail on the head.
@Spinder I am sorry that this is the situation you are in. I hope some of your close friends anf family can become more excited for you.
Post # 16
I’m one of those people who doesn’t necessarily get as frothy about second marriages. I do get excited for them, but the parties and the squealing over the ring and the huge bridal party that maybe went with the first wedding, I don’t see as working quite as well for the second. And I don’t think a second wedding is any less beautiful, special or meaningful, for not having those “extras.”
Especially not a wedding that’s two years apart from the first one.