(Closed) Second marriage isn’t special?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee

It is still exciting and you can still have a wonderful wedding if you want to. But personally I do see where they are comming from. It is technically a second marriage for both of you, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be a beautiful wedding still. Forgive the horrible analogy here but it is like having a second child, everyone is still super excited, but they already gave presents, already had the shower, etc. just my thoughts. Maybe they are not the same as other bees

Post # 5
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Awwww 🙁 I am a divorced bride on my encore marriage too…the thing is I have a different group of friends all these years later who never even knew me when I was married before, so this is not an issue for me. I am sad for you, because you deserve that excitement!! I never had a bachelorette party, and for sure, I’m having one this time. I’m not sure how to address your concern with your friends…

Post # 6
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You both made it out of crappy relationships alive and found someone who treats you well and makes you happy… that sounds special to me 🙂

Pick a friend who would be the most understanding and tell her how you feel. Sometimes women think they don’t deserve a lot of hype over their second marriage and it shows. You may be sending off signals that you don’t want a lot of attention. Make sure she knows how special this is to you and I’m sure she’ll be more than happy to share your excitement with you.

Post # 7
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Spinder:  What do you mean by “not as excited”?  Also, how long ago was your first wedding?  Did you have all of the traditional parties the first time around?

I’m a second time bride and I actualy find myself downplaying the wedding more than my friends and family.  I didn’t have a shower or bachelorette the first time around, and I assumed I wouldn’t this time either.  But it sounds like my Maid/Matron of Honor and mother have a few parties and events planned.  I’m completely overwhelmed by their generosity – but still worried about the perception. 

I think a big part of why they’re going all out is because I didn’t get those things the first time and because my first wedding was 10 years ago.  A lot of the friends I have now weren’t involved back then, so I think they’re treating it like my first “real” wedding. 

Post # 9
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

 I was first married in March of ’10

so you were married, divorced and remarrying again within 21mths??

i have tried to type this out a number of times without sounding bitchy (and failed) but here goes –  its understandable that people arent getting excited about paying for parties and gifts to be honest.  not knowing you or your situation of course but 2 weddings to two different men in less than 2yrs before you are 25yrs old is tough for people to get excited about

goodluck, i hope you do enjoy your day

Post # 10
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

don’t worry about everyone else.  enjoy your day.

 

Post # 12
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

same

Post # 13
Member
1052 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@eloping Unfortunately, I agree.

 

OP, it kind of seems like you’re rushing things. Even though it wasn’t your fault that your first marriage ended so soon, it still seems like you’re jumping into another marriage without giving the first one time to cool. How long have you been dating your current SO? My guess is that given your track record, friends and family are probably thinking this marriage will have a shelf life similar to your first and don’t want to get excited about what may end up being a short term thing.

Post # 14
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@eloping:  Totally agree with you. Married twice in 21 months doesn’t sound like a good track record. Sorry if thats harsh. I too wouldn’t be all that excited for the Bride. People may be thinking ‘here she goes again’ and ‘how long to you think this one will last’. Sadly everyone will have an option, just try to enjoy your day. I hope this marriage lasts for you both.

 

Post # 15
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@eloping:  +2. I didnt know how to respond to this thread honestly. I think you hit the nail on the head. 

@Spinder   I am sorry that this is the situation you are in. I hope some of your close friends anf family can become more excited for you. 

Post # 16
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’m one of those people who doesn’t necessarily get as frothy about second marriages. I do get excited for them, but the parties and the squealing over the ring and the huge bridal party that maybe went with the first wedding, I don’t see as working quite as well for the second. And I don’t think a second wedding is any less beautiful, special or meaningful, for not having those “extras.”

Especially not a wedding that’s two years apart from the first one.

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