- Confused Guy
- 9 years ago
Our wedding is in 3 weeks, and suddenly, I’m thinking this is the biggest mistake of my life. I’ll give some background….
We live in two different states. We met on a dating site 2 1/2 years ago and talked for 6 months before we even met. The entire time we were dating, it all seemed so lovely. We had some difficult times come up, but we worked through them together. After about a year or so, I began looking for a job close to her. And I kept looking, and looking, and looking…. There have been multiple times when something very promising comes along (like a job offer or response from the hiring manager like “HR will contact you soon”) and the job offer is rescinded.
So, here we are planning this wedding in 2 different states. At first, I tried to be the best groom possible and help out as much as I could. She has a huge family with lots of sisters and conflicts eventually came up when there would be some miscommunication and then feelings got hurt as a result and it’s been a mess. I know I’ve definitely lost a lot of the shine from her family. Anyway, it’s all lead to this situation where I dread talking to her family at all because I don’t enjoy it and I’m always on eggshells.
To add to all this, my job is the least flexible job ever. I have what sounds like a wonderful job for a company with a great reputation, but the reality is the company is falling apart internally and all the suffering is being put on the employees. I can’t get time off or I’m expected to work on days off or whatever, and that’s also causing problems because I just can’t be a part of anything. I work absolutely insane hours, too, so when I do travel out to see her, I’m completely exhausted and not usually in a good mood. (I try to be in a good mood, but it’s hard when I’m worn out from this crappy job and I hear all kinds of complaints from her and her family about me not finding a new job and not being able to win my transfer to a new office yet.)
So, she and I have been fighting a *lot*. Our communication has absolutely fallen apart. When we talk, it’s usually only for 5 minutes because I don’t want to talk about all the problems in my life because we always end up in a fight when I do. It just feels like she’s totally unable to understand my problems aren’t fixible with easy to say/ impossibly hard solutions.
Anyway, I saw her this past weekend. I was completely, utterly exhausted from extremely long hours at work, so I wasn’t in a great place to begin with. We spent the entire weekend with her family, which is non-stop stress because I don’t like talking to any of them. And she spent the whole weekend crying and saying she didn’t want to talk about anything.
I dunno – it just feels like the whole thing is an absolute trainwreck. I don’t want her to be unhappy the rest of her life and I don’t feel like I have the ability to make her happy. Is any of this normal? Or is this cause for concern?