- 8 years ago
- Wedding: May 2011
So I created this profile for privacy purposes, I need some advice and so far you ladies have been great with that.
My Fiance is everything I have always wanted he is really sweet, funny, and handsome. We vibe mentally, spiritually, and certainly sexually. He’s educated we have the same ideas/interest and wants as far as success, traveling and loyalty. But he also has things I don’t want like 2 kids and a horrible ex-wife.
In addition to that he hasn’t always been so loyal to me. When we first got together we dated long distance and then I moved to his state only to discover that he was still married to the mother of his children. I found it out exactly a year after dating him. I had no way of knowing because we had a normal relationship nothing seemed strange. Part of the reason I didn’t know was because they were separated for months at a time. They dated other people, not dating, not sexually intimate but just never took the proper steps to be legally divorced. So of course I was hurt after moving across the U.S. and dating this guy for a year. A few weeks after having that bomb dropped on me divorce papers were in route she signed and it was not a big deal. So I’m thinking well he was honest about parts of it and it was just a simple stage in paper work. Whew!
And then it happened! He found out she was pregnant it may be his. I almost died. (Now keep in mind this was 2 years ago.) She had a boyfriend at the time so I was hurt that he cheated but was hopeful that it was her boyfriend’s child.
Moving along, I was never happy about that fact that he already had 2 kids and now a 3rd one maybe.
So fast forward to 2009 obviously I stayed it was one of the best years of my life everything was great.
Fast forward to 2010 our 3rd year anniversary he proposes. I was thrilled he cleaned up his act completely the last 2 years; everything was great we were doing really well together.
In the process of this he decides he wants custody of his two kids since his ex decided to move 7 hours away. So I’m thinking fu$k I already secretly semi-hated that he had kids but everything else was what I wanted so I figured it was of for me to accept some things I don’t like. Only perfect man exist in the moves right?
And yea we will have less privacy, he will have less $, hell less of everything we had before but I mean I had to give him points for wanting to be an active father in his kids life. (All the while I’m still hoping he wouldn’t win custody)
Fast forward to 3 months later finally a paternity test and the baby is his. Now by this time his ex has already had another child and never mentioned the 3rd child so we figured she found out who the father was. So as you can imagine I was heartbroken.
Here I am engaged to a guy I who has 2 kids that I forced myself to accept and now 3.
Fast forward 2 more months “You win custody of the first 2 kids 100%.”
I feel like my life has been stolen from me and sold to a reality TV show and I’ve somehow let it happen
You can see why I am having second doubts.
1. I hate the idea of the term “stepmom” I am not ready to be anyone’s mother for like 5 years and “mom” signs me up for responsibilities that I never agreed to. When he proposed the kids were only at our house on holidays. (Which I loved even 50% of the time would be fine) Now it’s everyday all day and they mom calls only ever 5 months WTF. (Really did he have to have the worse mother for his kids on the planet?)
2. I used to want 3 kids now I don’t want any and if I decided to have some I feel like I am putting them off because I don’t want those awkward moments so I figure it’s best to wait until his kids are teenagers and are occupied with their own lives.
I also think I want to wait because I want my own family not an addition to a family he already has and the time gap would allow some feeling of that.
3. All of a sudden I can’t stop thinking about the cheating and new child. Yes we can pretend to ignore it now but what happens 5 years from now and 10 then 20 I just know it will interject sometime at the worst moment possible. (It always bothered me but now that we are “forever” it freaks me out)
4. Contrary to how the above sounds I am a very, very attractive young woman, fit, grad school educated woman who just fail victim to love and I feel like have taken on so much that one day he will do the smallest thing and I will file fore a divorce.
I want to punch myself in the head for staying before all this because now I feel like I am in too deep. More than half the wedding is paid for, we have a car and house together, I love him sooo much I can’t imagine life without him but I also am a very selfish and outgoing person so I don’t want it to all hunt me 2 years from now.
Please let me know if I should run, or grow-up stick with my decision and make it work because at the end of the day he’s a good father, and a wonderful man to me…let the past be the past.
We always say everyone has problems our major ones are out of the way so we will have the rest of our lives together to be happy. (Do you think this could be true?)
Sorry it was so long!