(Closed) Second thoughts about relationship

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee

I understand how you feel. My FH is way more affectionate than I am. I had to tell him that he doesn’t give me a chance to be affectionate and then it gets on my nerves lol. We started doing this though: When he wants to be affectionate and cuddle or something, he kisses me lightly, holds my hand, or does something jsut to get my attention without being intrusive. Maybe you should take it slow and tell him you want to practice being affectionate together. Maybe tell him that you want him to initiate in bed. Making him feel in charge might do the trick. Just my own experience though 🙂

Post # 4
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

When in Doubt go Without. 

 

You say that you have more doubts than you had with your first marriage – that should tell you right there that something – even if unidentified – is wrong. Perhaps it could be residual insecurity from your first marriage, however, based off some of your examples of current issues  I feel that is not the case. Your subconscious is telling you something is wrong Listen to you Gut! 

 

you ask who you can speak to, I advise your Fiance – if you two are marriage compatible then discussing your doubts and insecurities with him is the first place you should look. also, I highly suggest both personal and couples therapy – prior to your wedding to determine if you need to postepone or even call it off.

 

Post # 5
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

1) If you find the right person, therapy is always helpful!

 

2) Have you read the Love Languages book? Might be something you read together. I think one of you languages is affection. Which can feel very stifling to a person who’s language isn’t affection. But once he understands that at an intelectual level, it might help him.

3) Go to the Conscious Transitions web site. She might be able to help you understand if what you are expereincing is cold feet or your intuition telling you to get out.

4) Can you post pone your wedding? A lot of vendors will let you postpone and use the deposit within a year. That might be the best route for you. Give you time to clear your head.

Post # 7
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@goblue78:  In all honesty, I think it’s perfectly normal to have doubts about these things, especially the second time around. You now have way more life experience and way more understanding of possible consequences, so I’m pretty sure your worries are not an indication of something terrible, but rather a sign of you being more of an adult about these things.

Post # 8
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Whoops wrong thread

Post # 9
Member
14398 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

At 23, you were probably blinded by love and so sure of it that you didn’t think to doubt.  Now a decade later, you’re wiser.  You have life experiences that give you good reason to give things a second thought and have some doubt.   I don’t think it’s fair to compare 23 year old no doubt you with todays you.  Don’t let it cause doubt, let it be a lesson learned not to repeat mistakes of the past.

Post # 10
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@goblue78:  I’ve scanned through Love Languages (and taken the quiz online). Darling Husband and I have the same Love Languages, so we dont really need it. But I’ve heard it really helps so many couples. I also havent used Conscious Transitions. I never had doubts about marrying Darling Husband. I had fears about marriage in general, but no doubts about Darling Husband. But I’ve heard really good things about it. I think it’s one of the few places that acknowledges that grey area between good healthy doubt (that is right in telling you to run away) and destructive anxiety doubt (that makes you feel like you are crazy).

Post # 11
Member
12249 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would definitely talk to your therapist about this!

They are WAY better at talking people off the ledge than we are!

But If he’s not cheating/beating you/looking at kiddie stuff of the internet, I’m sure a therapist will be able to calm your nerves and help you make a decision.

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