Post # 1
Hey bees. I’m getting married Sunday (basically a day away) and am having massive wedding jitters about our name change.
Ill preface by saying I don’t really know what can be done at this point because it is Friday night and the license offices we would need to help us are closed on weekends.
My fiancé and I got our license early this week. When we went in, we were under the impression we would keep our last names. We had considered adding a hyphen but thought we can change it later.
At the office (this is in San Diego), we read and are told also that there’s some last name act/law… and that we should decide now on the name change bc it’s difficult to do later if it’s not on the license. I’ll admit this got very confusing and unfortunately I get anxious with all of this and caved.
We said fine we will hyphenate bc we had thought of it and weren’t against it. However the hyphenating didn’t go smoothly.
Literally in the office my fiancé goes oh let’s go with my last name then yours. I had personally always imagined mine then his. I have a shorter last name so I thought it could go first then his is a little longer — had a ring to it.
Long story short we now have a certificate with his name then mine. And I tried to shake my weird feelings about it off and I can’t.
And i stupidly have waited until now to finally really get upset about it and I can’t tell if it’s jitters or me legit feelings weird and wanting to fix it.
The issue is the offices are closed.. we can’t change the certificate… and I feel upset that if we do want to change or fix it is going to be super difficult legally.
I don’t know if anyone has ever dealt with this or knows how the legality works with this… i could again just be that anxious bride before the wedding but I can’t shake how I feel. 🙁
Post # 2
- Wedding: July 2017 - State Park
I am not sure at all of the legality of it – sounds like you’ll probably have to pay and maybe go through court unless there’s some 30-day window to change your mind or something.
That said – go with your gut! You impulse changed YOUR NAME. And to something you had never imagined. Would you be open to him being Hislast-Yourlast and you being Yourlast-Hislast? That might be cool.
As an outsider, if I met you and you had a hyphenated last name I would absolutely assume that the first was your maiden and the second was your spouse. My next thought would be that your parents made your last name hyphenated when you were born. Hislast-Yourlast for your name feels off even if it did have a ring to it. Likewise Yourlast-Hislast for him.
If you weren’t planning to change your name when you went in there, then you shouldn’t have! Even if it is more work to do down the line if you want to change it when you have kids or just because you feel like it, I think that work would be more worth it than living with a name you don’t want. It’s YOUR NAME.
Even if you have to jump through those hoops now, I’d change it back if possible.
My mom didn’t legally change her name until I was teenager, but I never knew her as anything other than “Mom Mylastname” because that’s what she went by socially and it became really ubiquitous. I think it was actually social security records going electronic and they were like, “wait, there are two names to this SSN…” that made her complete the paperwork. I remember going with her, but I don’t remember details. But that just goes to show that whatever you call yourself will matter more than whatever is on your credit card.
I say all of this as someone staunchly in the, “You’ll take my name out of my cold dead hands” camp, so maybe someone who is interested in changing their name will offer different perspective.
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings
Im not sure how things work in CA. Did you turn the wedding license in? If not, nothing is legal ye.
Post # 4
Im in California and idk about name change laws but I do know that they told us if we made any mistakes or needed to make changes (after we verified current names, address, new name) on the marriage license there would be a 90 dollar fee which is basically the cost of a whole new marriage license plus an extra 5 dollars. (License was 85) So I know there would probably be a new marriage license charge at minimum to redo it, on top of whatever other legalities involve changing your name. Good luck bee!
Post # 5
A name change isn’t something that should be done impulsively– it’s your name!! And you felt time and money pressure to choose. I totally understand why you feel weird! But, don’t stress out, bee. What’s done is done. My advice would be to not worry about it right now. Focus on how much you love your fiance. YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! You found someone to share your life with and who loves you and who you love. That is so crazy cool. Go to your wedding, go on your honeymoon (if you’re havong one), mull it over and try on different options with your fiance. Write all the different options down. Get a feel for how they sound coming out mouth and feel coming out of your pen. Play around with it. Have fun. This is not something that needs to be changed or decided on immediately. In the grand scheme of life it will not be that difficult or that expensive to change your name later. It will be a small clerical hassle and that is all. <3
Post # 6
Easy. Have your wedding on Sunday, but don’t sign the marriage license. Then next week, or when you get back from your honeymoon or whenever, go back in, get a new license issued, and have the legal marriage at the county recorder (the place that issues the certificates also performs marriage ceremonies). Waaaaay easier than trying to go through the courts after the fact.