- 3 years ago
im new to weddingbee and really just hope that some ladies out there can offer advice if they’ve ever gone through something similar.
i guess a bit of background is important to explain where I’m at now.
6 years ago I met this guy, I was 19 at the time and it was my first serious relationship. I thought this was going to be it. I was a little naive I guess. We had a very up and down relationship, after a month I was basically living with him and 9 months later he had bought me a ring. I had all these ideas about what a proposal would be like and was hoping it would be sentimental and something to remember for the rest of our lives.
I remember the day when he walked out into the lounge room and handed me a box, I opened it as saw a really pretty ring in it and thought to myself I guess this is it. I guess in my head I was waiting for a gesture, on one knee and a heartfelt few words. I got a “so do you want to get married?” I looked at him and said I think you’re supposed to get on one knee. He just looked at me and said my pants are to tight for that, yes or no. At the time I was smitten so I said yes, but was shattered by the proposal. If that had happened now I would have flat out said no, but 19yr old me was lovestruck. For a month I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone, because he was still in university and his parents wouldn’t have approved.
I wasn’t allowed to plan a wedding until he had finished his degree. 4 years later I was allowed to start planning and set a date. I went and bought a dress to come home and be berated because we now had to follow a payment plan to pay it off. We set a date and booked a venue, for a year from then. We’d paid some deposits and one day he just said we can’t afford this. One day and it’s going to cost this. I was shocked but id waited so long for the day that we agreed to elope. My mum was sick with cancer and I was so upset that she wouldn’t be there on my special day. But a trip overseas was more appealing to my ex than spending an extra $5,000 to share the day with friends and family.
so the day came to marry him overseas, he didn’t seem enthused at all but it still went on. Our honeymoon wasn’t a honeymoon. It was like two best friends going on a holiday together.
I came home shattered, from there the relationship got worse and I realised I married him thinking it would help our relationship, that maybe he’d change and be less concerned with money and focus on a happy life with me. It didn’t, after 5 months I left him, knowing I deserved better.
i knew I wasn’t in love with him for a very long time after leaving him. I guess the space made me realise it completely. For two months I was single, loving my life, I had confidence, I was my true self and I was proud of all I’d gone through, whilst it was hard, life is short.
Two months later my friend told me to put myself out there. She’d seen it a year back that I didn’t love my ex and she knew that someone would be out there for me and I deserved it.
so I joined an online dating website. I was only looking for conversation and maybe a few drinks and fun. That’s when I met my Partner. He lived in another state and I thought great I’ll be able to build a nice friendship chat about things guys can help with and that’ll be awesome. But what I didn’t realise was that this man after hearing about all my flaws and bad choices still wanted to know me.
We would talk about family, our lives and goals, his depression and anxiety, the loss of my mother a month prior and I’d felt I found a true friend in him. A month later whilst I had a period of no work we decided I’d fly up to meet for a weekend, hang out, go fishing a bit of a holiday for me.
i remember the day I waited at the airport for him, he walked over to me and gave me the biggest kiss. In the 5 days I spent with him I’d fallen in love, with a man with so many values and flaws I didn’t know what to do with.
We agreed to do long distance and for 7 months we worked at it, some days being harder than others, but we never stopped loving each other and we never gave up. We had talked about marriage a lot. When we first started talking, I never wanted to marry again. By Christmas 2015 he had changed my views, he was a man I felt I didn’t deserve but one that I would be proud to marry and spend forever with.
During that time he had worked on himself, and as he said become a better person. By Jan 16 I had moved states to live with him. Everything was amazing, we compromise so well, we see eye to eye on so many things our relationship is fluid.
and then the hard times hit and he was unemployed, living on one income it was a struggle but everyday we were there for each other, everyday we supported one another and we didn’t stop loving.
I knew that life’s struggles would be easier to cope with as long as we have each other. Cut to now and the sudden death of his friend, helping someone through the grieving process is hard but our relationship is stronger than ever.
before this sudden loss he had been planning to propose on my birthday I found out.
now it’s postponed a little, which I believe is the right thing to do in so many ways.
i really didn’t want him to tell me but understand why he did.
However now I’m freaking out. I am divorced now from my ex. I have no feelings for him negative or positive. I’m not bitter or resentful but thankful at what that relationship has taught me and what kind of person it has made me.
my family loves my partner and I’ve gained two fantastic older brothers and a sister in his family. I’ve never been so happy or felt so whole.
knowing he is going to propose, I am steadily getting more anxious as to the opinion of my family and friends about an engagement. I know I want to be with him, but I want the love and support of my family and friends, not judgement frOm them about it being to soon etc.
i feel like I’ve never really even been engaged or experienced marriage and a wedding, the first one felt like a shame and a “this is not how it’s supposed to be”.
I know when we do get married and it will be in front of our loved ones because we want to share it with them that it will feel like the first time, not the second.
i really just need some advice or guidance as to how to tell my family when it happens and ease my anxiety surrounding it all.
Love to all you wonderful women, you all deserve every happiness and nothing less than that xxx