(Closed) Second Time Brides? How old were you?

posted 5 years ago in Encore
Post # 2
Member
4064 posts
Honey bee

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Mrs.Mandy:  Well, with my first marriage, I got married for the wrong reasons. So I think that’s what made it fail, not so much the age. 

Anyways, I met my now ex-H when I was just turning 18. I got pregnant 5 months later. We got married 1 year after that, when our daughter was 3 months old. And then we separated 14 months later, and got officially divorced about 2 years later. 

I’m now 25 and I’ll be 27 on the date of my second wedding. 

But going back to my original point, I think age played some role in it, but more so the fact that we got married simply because we had a child together, and it seemed like “the right thing to do.” We didn’t really love each other, in hindsight. I was 19 at the time of getting married, though, and I will say that as I’ve grown over the years, I wouldn’t have made the same decision now. But I take it as a learning experience Fortunately, my ex-H and I get along great and we co-parent very well together. In fact, he is also engaged and getting married about 3 months before me. We all get along great, him, his Fiance, my Fiance, and I. We’re like one big, happy, weird family lol and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

I do have a good friend though, who got pregnant at 15, married at 19, and next month is her 11 year wedding anniversary. So age isn’t always a factor for everyone. 

Best of luck, bee!

Post # 3
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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Mrs.Mandy:  I was 29 the first time and I will be 34 this year when we are married. First marriage was just straightaway a bad choice! This time around everything feels exactly as it should!

Post # 4
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I don’t want to say anything to scare you since every relationship is different, but I feel I definitely got married too young and too early the first time around. We met when I was 23, married a year and a half later when I was 24, separated when I was 31, and divorced at 32. There were a lot of problems in our relationship that didn’t spring up until after the wedding, which is why I wish we’d dated longer. But I also think I still might have been blind to them or assumed that was a normal part of relationships since I’d never been in one before him. We did the classic thing of growing apart as I grew up and changed during my 20s and he didn’t. 

Now I’ll be 35 when my Fiance and I marry after being together for three years. This relationship is so much more nurturing and fulfilling than my first marriage ever was. With my ex it felt like I had a roommate and a child, with my Fiance I feel like we’re equals who will build a life together. 

Don’t focus so much on the crappy statistics about marrying young. Just focus on your relationship and take the time to read through some relationship books together so you can be as prepared as possible for whatever life throws at you. I highly recommend anything by John Gottman. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee

1st marriage – dated in high school. We got married when we were 21. It lasted 1.5 years. He became a controlling, emotionally, borderline physically abusive ahole!

Separated for 1 year before we could get divorced.

2nd marriage – met him the night before my divorce became final. He was getting divorced a week later. Neither one of us was looking for a relationship.  We found what we were looking for in each other. Dated for 6.5 years then we got married. We’ve been together for 19 years and married for 13 years in July.

Post # 6
Member
460 posts
Helper bee

Married at 26 to a man I had known for exactly one year – biggest mistake of my life.  Divorced 18 years later and now getting married for the second time to a man I have known six wonderful years and I will be 52 

Post # 7
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

I was 24 the first time; that lasted a year and a half. I was separted a good long time bc ex dh was extremely difficult (didn’t want the divorce) and wouldn’t sign the damn papers. I also wanted to leave the country to go to grad school and I had to postpone the above for the same reason.

 

Fast forward 11 years ( a LONG time to be in the dating world and kissing a whole lotta frogs), I married my now- dh at 35. We have been married for 13 years.

Post # 8
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Married at 22; separated at 24; divorced by 25. I was definitely way too young! 2nd time around, I’ll turn 34 the day before. 

Post # 9
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Married at 23, left him on my 27th bday, divorced at 28. He and his family were far more controlling than I realized (not abusive, just manipulative), and it took me years to get the confidence to get away. 

I’ll be 31 when I remarry, and definitely much wiser! I would say the most important thing I learned was to take care of myself and know who I am and what I want. 

 

Post # 11
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

The first time I married I was 18 and we had been together for 3 years.  We married about 6 months after I graduated high school.  We were married 10 years.  We did marry young so that may be part of it, feeling the need to sow wild oats or somthing.  But, even though I was the one that initiated the end of the marriage I honestly believe it could have been saved.  WE just didn’t try harrd enough together!  He thought he would win me back by making me jealous with other women and I didn’t want anything to do with him after that. 4 kids between us and I started over.  

 

I was single for the most part for about 6-7 years until I started dating my Fiance 4 years ago.  Having all those young kids didn’t leave much time for dating, although ex is already on wife #3!!

 

Anyway, I will be 40 when I get married in October for my second wedding. Fiance is 38 but this is his first marriage.

Post # 12
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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Mrs.Mandy:  

My first marriage was at 26, and we had 7 years together. Many of those were great and we had a son that we both adore. We divorced when I was 34. We did a lot right in our marriage, but we just had incompatible approaches to life that were hard to see before we were married and were compounded as we got older. 

My second marriage will be at 36, and I’ve learned from my first marriage what works for me, we have done individual and joint therapy, and have known each other for 20 years. 

Post # 13
Member
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I got married the first time at 24 and the marriage lasted just long enough to have two kids back to back.  We split up when I was 27 and I’m 31 now.  The first marriage was a terrible mistake.  I knew it was a mistake going into it but I didn’t care.  I feel like I have grown so much since then, its hard to believe I’m even the same person.

Post # 14
Member
207 posts
Helper bee

I got married my first time one month of my 26th bday and I was divorced two months of my 35th bday. I married the wrong man.  Plain and simple.  He was abusive emotionally, mentally and physically. Today I am a few months shy of 37 and I am now engaged to the person whom I feel is my soul mate and the love of my life.  It’s the second marriage for both of us.  I can’t wait to spend forever with him.

 

ETA:  We were together for four years before we got married.  I knew it was a bad idea when I was walking down the aisle.  He was 29 at the time.  If you’re seocond guessing yourself, don’t do it!!

Post # 15
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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Mrs.Mandy:  I am marrying my fiance on my 43rd birthday next year 🙂 Here is a small back story on my first marriage.

I started dating my exhusband at 14, had his baby at 15 (he was 17, we were both kids) and then we had no choice but to get married right after my 16th and his 18th birthday. The reasons we had no choice are for another day and another topic 🙂 Would I have married him had I had another viable option? No. But, I stayed married because I didn’t want my children to have a broken home plus I was stubborn and wanted to beat the statistics. We are two completely different people when it comes to the important things, especially money, but also just in who we are, what we want to do for fun, how we act in public, who we hang out with. When people would meet one and then the other, we were always asked “How did ya’ll even get together?” Well, we were kids running up and down the roads together and have always been friends. The fights over the money, and complete disagreements in what is and what isn’t acceptable in relationships finally had me say enough is enough. Any time I would say something about him not paying a bill or staying out with his buddies all night would get me the response that I’m not his mother. No, but I was his wife and he moved out of his mom’s house into mine just like I moved out of my parents house into his and maybe we were both screaming for a little freedom and being able to be our own person without having to answer to anyone.

Well, I left the marriage for good (we’d split up 4-5 times during our marriage) right after our 20th wedding anniversary. I was 36 and single as an adult for the first time in my life! I started dating my fiance 2 years ago at age 39 and will be marrying him at 43 🙂

So, long story short, there were a thousand things against us and we were both staying because it was what we were supposed to do even though we were like fire and gas in a lot of ways.

  • This reply was modified 5 years ago by  GraetSky. Reason: Left out some stuff :)

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