(Closed) Second time to the alter – who can I NOT invite?

posted 6 years ago in 40 Something
Post # 3
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Maybe elope, but just in town, and call up those people a day or two before to invite them? Less time for them to gossip about it. I can definitely see what you mean about who you want to be there, but your family will definitely feel stiffed and it won’t make things between you any better.

Post # 4
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Do what you want, invite who you like!  Just say you are having a private ceremony (or call the ceremony portion an elopement) and have the bigger reception afterwards or at a later date (or not at all).  You are completely within your bounds to say that you do not want any drama bs or any people who are not going to be genuinely 100% happy to be celebrating your marriage with you at such an important moment.

Post # 5
42 posts
  • Wedding: December 2013

On YOUR day, you should be surrounded by your favorite people – the people that make you feel special and loved. This isn’t about your mom.  Just have a conversation with her … from the heart.  Tell her how you feel and tell her how it is going to be on YOUR special day. 

Post # 6
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

Invite whoever you want!  If your family isn’t close to you and can’t be bothered to call and say Happy Birthday to your kids, eff them.  Your girlfriends should be invited since you feel close as sisters to them.  πŸ™‚

Post # 7
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Your ex!!!!!!

Mine doesnt even know and we’ve been married eight months..for good reason.

Post # 8
1066 posts
Bumble bee

@sofiacu:  At the end of the day it is about you and your man. I just wanted close friends and family. I am not close to one of my sisters and my mother..BUT I did ring them and I said that they knew we weren’t close. I said I would extend an invitation to them but I wanted them to be there for me and my man and I didn’t want to offend them in anyway. Both declined and I was delighted lol…Family doesn’t have to be blood. Invite who you will be happy for you. x

Post # 9
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

In truth you can do whatever you guys want / decide.  The nice thing about being an Encore Bride, is there are a lot less Rules / Expectations (especially when it comes to Family) than the first time round.

Mr TTR and I eloped.  Sure there were some hurt feelings / comments made when we announced our Engagement and our plans to family (Kids & Parents).

BUT that is what we decided we wanted… to go away and have a nice quiet ceremony on our own… just the 2 of us, on the beach, with our Officiant & Photographer.

Now that we are married, and back from our Honeymoon … it seems that everyone seems to have gotten over it.

Mind you, we are having a Back Home Reception Party, and inviting all “the required” individuals.

The cool thing tho that I’ve found is there are not a lot of Etiquette Rules on what you have to do, or not do (etiquette faux pas) for this particular situation in regards to formality, and how Wedding-like one wants to go.  You literally get to do whatever you want… and it is great !!

So any, potential family drama seems to have “dissolved” (I think most family drama when it comes to Weddings in general is focussed at younger couples marrying for the first time… or if one is planning a BIG traditional family wedding with the Ceremony & Reception on the same day).  In our situation, as the Reception Party is sort of an “after thing” the people who might have cared more in another scenario, have figured out they can’t say much now things are over and done with already.

Something you might want to consider for yourself… just the 2 of you at the Ceremony itself, and then open it up after that.

By The Way… I wouldn’t have traded the one-on-one Ceremony we had… it was very very us and highly emotional.  After coming thru so much in our lives, and being able to find LOVE again is a very sweet thing.  Both of us choked up during our exchange of vows, and there were tears shed too.  Something I am not sure would have happened, or we would have been so naturally comfortable with, IF we had married in front of a bunch of others.  This Wedding was waaaay more emotional than my first… because this time round… I know I’ve made the right choice… and I didn’t need the world to prove that to / affirm it in front of… I just needed the man I love to be there and hear that from my heart.

Hope this helps,


Post # 10
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Don’t invite your siblings! If your mom makes a stink say something like, “Oh, I didn’t even realize they noticed. Normally, they never call me.” Hopefully you end up liking this wedding more!

Post # 11
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@sofiacu:  you can absolutly do what you want. if you want your best friends there instead of siblings then do just that.

Post # 12
979 posts
Busy bee

Same dilema here. I told Fiance that we are only inviting people who mean something to us, who are in our lives on a regular basis.  If it’s people we only see once a year, no, they aren’t on the list, if it’s an aquaintance, no, they aren’t on the list.  His first marriage, my second, we are paying for it ourselves, so we are on an extremely tight budget.  I’m debating my sister also – she only talks to me when she wants something or when one of her kids bdays are coming up so I send them something in the mail, but she doesn’t send my kids anything – so right now, she’s not on the list.  


Thats just how I feel. This is about Fiance and me.  We want to share it with people closest to us, who are IN our lives…not a “part” of it.

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