Post # 1
I’m curious to hear about some second weddings out there. My fiance and I have both been married and divorced prior to meeting. We have 4 children between the two of us, been together 3 years and bought a house together almost 2 years ago. Initially we thought we’d take a vacation and come back married, then have a casual party. However, weddings are fun and our families and friends were very excited to hear about ours, in particular my family and friends. I had a very traumatic and lengthy divorce during which time I lost my dad to cancer. We lost my mom to cancer just this past October. I have a big, close family and my parents were very hands-on with the grandkids, and their loss is still very present. I now think the fact that we have something joyful to celebrate is a great reason to have a big party. My fiance agrees and keeps telling me to add more and more to the invite list. But yesterday we were visiting with some friends, and they told us about a second wedding they attended and they thought it was ridiculous that the bride had a fancy gown, the groom had a tux, they had attendants, etc, “like a real wedding”. I have to admit I have had some degree of hesitation about how traditional to be for a second wedding, but they made me feel really self conscious now about my plans. Even my two older daughters thought I should either get a short dress or a colored dress (like purple or black), that a more bridal look wouldn’t be right. We’re 42, not 62 By The Way, not that older couples shouldn’t celebrate big either. I’ll be fine to do whatever my fiance and I feel best about, but I was just looking for feedback about what others have done. Thanks Bees!
Post # 2
Go for it!
All the second weddings I’ve been to (at least 8 off the top of my head) have been ‘proper’ weddings with dresses, bridesmaids, weddingy decor & themes, Love, joy and bloody good parties… including my own 🙂
Most of the brides were in their 40s, and all but 2 of them/us wore traditional wedding dresses. Why the heck not!
Post # 3
I think you should do whatever you want! If your friends can’t be happy for you regardless of how exactly you re-marry, they’re definitely not real friends.
My guy and I, both previously divorced, are doing an intimate wedding and probably a weekend away with just our immediate families – parents, siblings, nieces and nephews. We just don’t really want to go through the whole bigger wedding thing again – especially because my first wedding was only in 2013 so it feels very recent. But I wouldn’t judge anyone else who does a big wedding again! Weddings are fun so I’d be psyched to go to your second one.
Post # 4
I’d say, you do what you want to do!
I got married to my second husband about 15 months ago. We did the party, the traditional white dress, the Maid/Matron of Honor and Best Man. Granted, this was my husband’s first marriage, but we felt the same way as you. We have lots of friends and family who wanted to celebrate with us and we wanted to celebrate with them! So maybe I’m partial, but I don’t think it’s weird at all. I’d do what ever makes you happy and if people are going to try to make you feel bad about it, I’d suggest they don’t come.
Post # 5
Agree with pp, do what you want!! My mom’s friend who is about 60 was recently a bridesmaid for her 60ish year old friend, and that friend had a massive traditional wedding wiht like 8 bridesmaids, all of whom wore glamorous floor-length bridesmaids dresses! I thought the whole thing sounded so fabulous. I say go for it!!! Your true friends and family are just going to be happy to see you looking so happy on your day, especially after all the grief you’ve experienced recently.
Post # 6
Pro tip: don’t invite those wet blankets to your awesome wedding. They don’t deserve to be there if all they can focus on are clothes instead of love and fun.
Post # 7
My second wedding was earlier this month and we choose to make it more casual, but I still wore a long, white wedding dress (made up for dress regrets from my first wedding). We opted not to do a wedding party but had our children stand up next to us during the ceremony (my sons walked me down the aisle).
Lots of people get remarried – it’s nothing to be ashamed of! Celebrate your new marriage the way you and your Fiance want to!
Post # 8
Just thinking about your OP – I ac tually find your friends’ attitude that a second wedding isn’t a ‘real wedding’ really offensive! As they clearly don’t support your marrying again, I hope they won’t be at the ‘wedding’ at all.
Post # 9
I’m mid 40s and divorced, and I plan on wearing a wedding gown and having a wedding …in a church! My boyfriend and I are very active in our church and just because we had cheating spouses shouldn’t mean we can’t have OUR union in the church if we choose to (and get permission). I choose not to let other people dictate how i live my life. You’ll never make everyone happy. There are people who will look at a FIRST marriage and say “why are you having a wedding and wearing a white gown, you’ve been living together for 2 years…”. Some people are just negative, and will always see the negative.
I choose to try to live my life positive and only see the good things… and also i don’t give a sh!t what OTHER people do, it doesn’t affect MY life, so I try to just not judge others (Im not perfect, but I try really hard not to judge others). You see so much judgment – on here especially – where people have such a strong reactions to things that …..dont affect them at all, seriously, why do they even care so much. Don’t let people tell you what you can and cant do, have a giant white wedding if you want to! You’re not hurting anyone, if people don’t want to attend because it’s a second wedding, then they don’t attend!
Post # 10
It’s your first wedding to each other so I really don’t get their attitude at all! Just because you are a secondtime bride or groom does not mean that you can’t have a big wedding.
Post # 11
Thanks everybody! We will do what feel right to us for sure. Now to figure out a dress; I recently stopped into a local David’s Bridal on my lunch, wasn’t sure how that placed worked so I asked if an appointment was needed. The chick said certain more casual styles I was free to try on, but if I wanted to try on an ACTUAL wedding gown, I would need an appointment. Which made me feel like not returning. Oh well!
Post # 12
Who gives a F#&k what anyone thinks. Your wedding day, you’re paying= you do what you want. My friend is getting married a second time around. Her first wedding was when she was 20 years and not much money so it was basically a courthouse ceremony and lunch at a simple restaurant. Now, she is marrying a new guy with a career and a daughter in college. She will be having all the elements of a traditional wedding. As far as I’m aware, no one is batting an eyelash. Life is too damn short to worry about x and x is gonna say. It will just get you nowhere.
Post # 13
I’ve had a 2nd wedding and I am in the camp that says who cares what others think. I really think people need to live their lives and others need to be way less judgey. Eff em! I wore a white dress. Even my own unsupportive-never-should’ve-had-a-kid mother said, “Aren’t you way beyond wearing white?” Not now that you said that! BOOM, long white dress.
Post # 14
This will be my second wedding, and I’m planning to have an even bigger one this time. The way I see it, this guy is the *real* love of my life, soul mate, etc., so I want to celebrate our union even more than I celebrated my first wedding. I am young (26), but I don’t think that really should matter.
Post # 15
Do what you want!!!
This will be my 2nd wedding and my fiancee’s 1st. We’re eloping but still plan on dressing up. This is not their wedding, its your day!
ETA: Needing an appointment for wedding dress trials are very common. Actually any bridal store I’ve been to needed an appointment.