Post # 1
My fiance and I are having a ceremony and reception on the East Coast where my family lives, per his request. We booked a venue that will only hold 100 people. I’ve already gone through the guest list ordeal with my mom (I”m the oldest and first to be married) and cut my list drastically. His family is from all over the country. His mother and sister prepared his family list, of which they told me only 20 people would be on it; then 30, then when I actually got the list it had over 68 people on it (not including all their children on the list- for my adult only wedding). After my fiance added his wedding party and a few friends the list was at 88 people. He would NOT cut the family list – a lot of extended family, etc which in his culture is “rude” to not invite everyone. His mom wanted me to send invites out to everyone on the list and hope that half the people would RSVP “no”, of which I had to put my foot down. The compromise was we would have a West Coast after wedding celebration party. The problem is, my fiance will not ask his family about who’s financing this party we have to have b/c they wouldn’t cut their guest list. I’m trying to sort out all the two reception details, another thing to worry about. There is no $$ in the budget on my part to aid with this second reception.
Am I wrong to think that his mother should pitch in for this second reception party and take some initiative in helping with it?
Post # 2
LNicolette22 : You don’t have to have a second party and if you choose to, then you need to pay for it. I don’t understand how having two separate receptions is going to be better than having one in a venue that will fit everyone. You and your fiance need to get on the same page and either put your foot down about cutting the guest list, or how to accommodate everyone you choose to invite.
Post # 3
If your FI wont cut the list, it doesnt sound like its just the parents. So you should probably talk to him about this again. Look at what you can afford – if you cant afford 2 parties point this out to him and come up with a compromise.
Could you book a cheaper/larger venue? It doesnt seem like youre opposed to a large wedding, you just went about booking things in the wrong order and now cant accomodate them.
Post # 4
If your FI doesn’t want to cut the list then you and he need to come up with a plan either for a larger original venue or money for a second reception
Post # 5
Honestly, it sounds like you planned a little backwards. You either needed to give his family a very firm limit they could not go over instead of just “first they said 20, then 30, then whatever” OR (and this is really what should have happened), you should have made the guest list first and then booked yourself a venue to accommodate your guestlist, not the other way around.
You willingly agreed to have a second reception – no one is forcing you. I’m not sure why having a second reception is better than just changing your original one – two smaller receptions is very likely going to end up being more expensive in total than one larger reception. You also had other options (canceling and rebooking elsewhere or setting boundaries about the guestlist). No one is obligated to pay for any portion of the wedding except the two people getting married. And this is especially true since it sounds like your fiance also doesn’t want to cut the guestlist (this is not just his mother’s doing). The two of you needed to come to an agreement on the guestlist before you booked a small venue that only holds 100 people.
So, at this point, it sounds like your options are:
*Cancel your original venue and book a larger one
*Talk with your FI and come to a compromise about the guestlist
*Go ahead with the second reception and plan to pay for it yourself. If his family offers to chip in that is great, but it is your responsibility and rather rude to ask them for money.
Post # 6
You and your fi are the only ones required to pay for your wedding(s). If your families want to contribute, then great, but don’t plan more than you can actually afford until you have actual cash in hand, in case people change their minds. If you can’t afford a second wedding reception, then don’t have one. You need to get your fi to understand the practical aspects of your budget.
Post # 7
well his family didn’t offer to pay for it, so you have to!
Post # 8
If they wanted to do another celebration, his mom should have organised with the two of you as guests. The way it is, you are holding the tab and its an expensive lesson learnt. Your fiance needs to manage his family’s expectations more effectively.
Post # 9
It sounds like the guest list situation should have been discussed before you booked a venue. That would have saved you a lot of money in the long rung since now you’re trying to basically do 2 receptions. If I were in your sitatuion, i would seriously consider moving the reception to a different space to accomodate more people.
If you want to have this celebration, you should pay for it.
If you don’t want to pay for it, then say no.
Am I wrong to think that his mother should pitch in for this second reception party and take some initiative in helping with it? – yes. It sounds like you and FI suggested it, not her. So you can’t expect her to finance it.
Post # 10
Is this an Asian culture? Then it is very common that
1. You invite a crap ton of people
2. Parents pitch in with financing
3. Okay to have just a restaurant reception
4. The guests give mad big cash gifts to help pay for it
but you gotta ask and have the conversation.
I endedup having 3 extra receptions. 2 in my original country, and 1 extra in the U.S. to accommodate all my parents’ friends, but they footed the entire bill.