- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
I’ve been officially engaged now, for a few weeks, but “unofficially” engaged since the day I got together with my “intended”. We’ve been doing the usual wedding planning things; made a bit more elaborate by the fact that I have 2 little girls (7 and 4) from my first marriage who are dying to be flower girls. Anyway, we’ve been registering for things at the usual stores, and while I know many folks have no need of gifts (and I suppose I have no “need” of gifts except for a few things) I’ve been reading some stuff online about registries and gifts in general and it seems like many, many folks out there are quite ill tempered and snarky about the whole thing. My thoughts: 1) You don’t KNOW a couple’s situation in many cases. If it’s a second wedding, don’t assume that they already have everything. If they were married before, they may not have received many items that could actually be useful. Maybe they did. You don’t know. For my first wedding, hardly anyone bought the things we had registered for. They never even asked about a registry. Instead we got towels. I remember getting boxes and boxes of towels from many of the guests. My husband and I had enough towels to bathe an army! Now, towels are useful, I’m not knocking them at all. However, things like dishes and kitchen things, and other stuff we NEEDED were not bought and we were so poor the whole time we were married we could never afford to buy them on our own. 2) Along with the second marriage thing, if the couple has been divorced before, that’s like a big “life RESET” button. Everything starts over. You find yourself pretty much with nothing once again. I moved out and had to rent a room to live in. I couldn’t use my stuff and didn’t have a need for it. I kept a few things (my fancy dishes bought off Ebay) in boxes for later, but most everything stayed behind with my ex since he needed it on a daily basis while taking care of the kids. My fiance now was in a similar situation. He let his ex have pretty much everything she wanted from the house. We are like 2 young kids living in a bachelor pad with hand me down everything, and multiples of a lot of kitchen things that we actually wanted to keep. 3) Many brides and grooms can be greedy with the scanners. They are a heck of a lot of fun, after all. But, guests should never assume they are hoping for all of it. We know we’re not going to get it all. Many people register for stuff they plan to buy just so they can get that “registry completion discount”. I confess I had never thought of doing this on purpose, but it does make sense. If you need it anyway, why not get a little discount on it? 4) For those of us on 2nd marriages, many of the things we had from before (towels, kitchen gadgets, dishes, silverware, cups, etc) may be ready to hit the curb. Stuff doesn’t last forever. Things get broken, lost, etc. It may be time for new stuff or an upgrade anyway, and this is a handy time to do it.
I don’t buy into this hype of “it’s the ONLY time in your life you’ll get to do this!”. (Salespeople love that line). It’s not the only time…many of you will get divorced and try it again.
I don’t think I’m rude – In fact I’ve been concerned over registering for TOO MANY things. I think I’ve got around 130 something things spread over 3 registries. Luckily, many things are less than 100 dollars and many less than even 50 so I’m hoping no one has a conniption or accuses us of greed. My fiance has been wonderful and reassuring me that we are still okay and people won’t be upset. I sure hope he’s right, because from what I’ve read online, there are a lot of cranks out there!