Secondhand ring question

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 2
1617 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

kiwibarefootbride :  if you like the ring why would it really matter? It’s not like it’s engraved to her or anything. I would be happy with the gift if it’s to your taste!

Post # 3
11614 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

kiwibarefootbride :  or,it’s a ring doubly blessed with love and good intentions since his sister wanted you to have it. 

I think it’s really sweet. 

In the future he can put the money he might have used on the band to get you a beautiful anniversary band to stack with.

Post # 4
2358 posts
Buzzing bee

kiwibarefootbride :  If you have always loved the ring I guess I don’t understand.

I have four rings that are antiques. One is my great grandmothers. The other two are wedding bands. One has initals put on it and its in my stack. The other is from 1900 and no engraving and the third is another antique cameo.

The only ring that is mine is my engagement ring…and I wish that were an antique.

So, if you love the ring, who cares if it belonged to someone else? 

Post # 5
3302 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I think it’s sweet that his sister gave it to him for you. Remember this is a ring she once loved, and she wanted you to have it. You might ask for an anniversary band to add to the stack to make it feel more like yours.

Post # 6
2658 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

anev :  oh there’s an idea! Engraving! She could get the matching wedding band engraved with a design she likes, effectively making it a new ring!

Post # 7
119 posts
Blushing bee

Maybe you could customize it a little bit, like add an engraving, or you FH birthstone to the inside of the band, add small stones to the band. Then it would not be the “exact” band that was given in the previous wedding but a gifted ring you made your own. That wouldn’t cost much but would make the ring slightly different enough that it wouldn’t bother you any more. 

Post # 8
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the RING. it’s great that you like it and there’s no need to change it. The *off* feeling I’m getting from this post is about the secrecy. I feel like you shouldn’t have to discover the secret hidden past of your ring a few months later. It’s weird to me that he knew you might not like it and his decision was to not tell you. That’s what makes this whole thing less special. In the grand scheme of things if he’s not a serial liar (I assume he’s not since you’re marrying him), it’s not a big deal, but it’s still like…come on dude. 

Post # 9
158 posts
Blushing bee

I can understand you being upset but I also think that this was a sweet gesture. I would just go for it. Just think of it as an heirloom piece haha.

Post # 10
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Free rings that you actually like? It shouldn’t even be a question! Enjoy your new set bee, that was really sweet of her, enjoy making new memories with them 🙂

Post # 11
29 posts
  • Wedding: September 1983

kiwibarefootbride :  just think about Kate Middleton wearing Princess Diana’s engagement ring. Nobody had a worse time with their husband than she had with the Prince of Wales. At the end of the day, a ring is just some metal and stones crafted together by a jeweller. I ‘stalk’ these boards frequently because I love sparkles but even when people (no offence meant) talk about their unique and custom made settings, I then see another hundred exactly the same. If you don’t want people to know the history of the ring they probably won’t know or care very much. If you love it and it fits your other ring, accept it and wear it with pride.

Post # 12
8449 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

kiwibarefootbride :  

I have to confess I wouldn’t like  it . Not the  rings themselves of course but that he didn’t tell me where they were from ,and especially that they had belonged to someone close to us.  I’m not clear,  sorry,  from your post if you didn’t  know where  either of them were from,  or just  the wedding ring. (If you were OK with the provenance of the engagement ring, I’m  not sure why he wasn’t honest  about the wedding ring , thats all)

Anyway. I think I’d rather have a really modest ring that was just mine. Or , if second hand,  which I would  have no  problems with ,an estate/vingage ring from a shop. Its the  hidden part PLUS the fact of  it being originally my SIL’s rings that would bother me 

Post # 13
531 posts
Busy bee

If it bothers you a lot and if you always have a nagging feeling in the back of your mind about this ring, then perhaps you can also give it to someone else in the future. Maybe it can be an heirloom.

In place of wearing that ring, you can get a nice new wedding ring and wear only that while you put this one away or give it away.

The current ring is the one he proposed to you with, so it will always be your engagement ring, even if you get a new “engagement ring.” So instead of wasting money that way, it would be better to just buy one nice wedding ring instead and wear just that.

There’s no need for two rings.

Post # 15
213 posts
Helper bee

I have 2 engagement rings, one of which is second hand. My fiance bought the first one from one of those shops that buys/trades gold. I didn’t initially know that it was second hand until we got it re-sized at the same place. I didn’t mind that it was used as I know that he had a small budget and as you say, it’s about the gesture of giving the ring not where it came from.

A few weeks later, we were wedding ring shopping and he pointed a new engagement ring that caught his eye and after discussing it we decided to buy that one together as he wanted me to have something “of my own”. The new ring happens to be more to my taste style wise as well, but I still wear the original ring on my right hand as it will always be the one he asked me with.

I suppose what I am trying to get it is that everyone’s engagment ring has it’s own story, some more unusual than others. If you like the ring and the fact that is second hand isn’t a problem for you then I would keep it and use the money you would have spent on something else.

I actually had the concerns my second ring rather than the 1st. Was I hurting his feelings by having a new one etc. But after conversations my mind was put at rest and I love them both.

You want to be able to enjoy your day so if you have concerns about it talk it through with your fiance and find what works best for the 2 of you and don’t be concerned by anyone else. I hope you find a solution that works for you x

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