Secondhand ring question

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
3329 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

kiwibarefootbride :  keep the rings from his sister. I think it has more meaning. Just MPO

Post # 17
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

I think the engagement ring was a lovely gesture and glad to hear you love it, even though it was his sisters there is no shame in having a second hand ring especially one that you love….. personally i would want my very own wedding band though, i would not want one from a broken marriage. If it had been my mother or grandmother then absolutely but no way to the wedding band….thats just me

Post # 18
Member
5532 posts
Bee Keeper

Let’s just be clear here… a piece of metal is a piece of metal.  The only symbolism it holds is one that you attach to it.  Having said that, you can always have it melted down into something else.  Don’t get hung up on where it came from, because you can always make it your own.

Post # 19
Member
666 posts
Busy bee

kiwibarefootbride :  I think I understand that you don’t want the negative energy or stigma surrounding the set…mine came from a pawn shop and I applied a lot of prayer upon it and and had a Holy woman to bless it. I think he should buy you another band to add to set or something so it can feel like “yours” + Congratulations 😊

Post # 20
Member
1053 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

It wouldn’t bother me as long as I knew ahead of time. My FH will be wearing my father’s wedding band from his marriage to my mom. Their marriage didn’t last either, but the ring is a lot nicer than anything that I would have bought for my FH. I did tell FH that if he didn’t want a secondhand ring we could sell it and use the money to buy a new ring, but he said it was fine.

 

If it really bothers you, or you are superstituous, then buy a new ring.

Post # 21
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2005

His sister was so excited for you to join the family that she gave your fiance her rings. And even though she didn’t need the money, she still could have sold them but instead gave them to her brother. Sounds like some pretty awesome and supportive in-laws and that’s what I would think of every time I looked at those rings! They symbolize your committment with your future husband, as well as his family’s love for you.

Post # 22
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

My engagement ring is from his great grandmother. It is a beautiful .75 carat round solitaire on a plain, thin, 14k white gold band. It also came with a matching plain band, but I use that for when we go camping or somewhere I might lose my actual wedding band. It’s a rose gold wrap inlaid with teeny diamonds, milgrain around the edges, and delicate filigree in the sides. It perfectly accents my engagement ring and I love it.

The fact that his sister gave him that gift is so sweet. You are a lucky girl to be getting such an awesome new family. 

Post # 23
Member
4534 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

kiwibarefootbride :  I actually think it is lovely that his family/sister chose to gift you an engagement ring as a welcome to the family…

Gold is always melted down and turned into new jewelry, same thing with diamonds. Even a brand spanking new ring has old parts so to speak….

I would honestly wear the ring with absolute joy….you have in-laws who love you and are happy about your union. I’d also wear the matching band but the important thing is how you feel about.

Post # 24
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Its just metal and diamonds are millions of years old.  If it bothers you have it blessed. 

Post # 25
Member
12119 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Generally, I think engagement rings are gifts, but in a situation like this one I personally think Fiance blew it and should have discussed this with you ahead of time. Some women might be OK with it, but others would rather wait or spend less than wear their future sister in law’s rings from a failed marriage. 

It’s not about the SIL’s sentiment, which was generous and lovely, or the fact that some would choose to see it as a wonderful gift. 

The decision should have been yours. 

I’d want a different wedding band if it was me. I don’t think rings have to match. 

Post # 26
Member
2217 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

kiwibarefootbride :  I was going to suggest something, but 1cat : beat me to it.

I think taking the rings and having them blessed would be a great way to both accept the kindness with which they were offered, and free them of any negative connotation lingering from the previous marriage.

Objects only have the meaning we assign them. By the same token, we can decide to banish that association by ritual or intent. I think making a conscious decision to take the rings and cleanse them with some kind of ceremony would help dismiss any negative energy or feelings you might have about the idea.

 

Post # 27
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m okay with secondhand, vintage, antique rings, etc.  And I’m ok with heirloom rings – so long as the recipient has the choice to receive the heirloom or to pick out something new.  

But I would feel really uncomfortable wearing my future SIL’s former engagement ring and wedding band.  I don’t think I could ever feel like it was my ring.  I’d also be concerned that she might want to hold her generosity over me/us and keep reminding everyong “Oh, that was my ring and I gave it to them.”  Or “you owe me, I gave you that ring, so you need to do XYZ for me.”

If her Fiance had been up-front with her, pre-proposal and said “My sister has a lovely ring that she has offered to us, we could save a lot of money and put that towards the wedding/honeymoon/a house, would you like to take a look at the ring and see if you like it?” that would be one thing. But it feels creepy to me that he just gave it to her without running it by her.  

I also waa curious as to why her FI’s method of saving money for a ring was to give money to his parents for them to hold on to for him.  Maybe there’s a logical reason for it (like she and her new Fiance shared a bank account already and he wanted to surprise her) but it’s not that hard to open a new savings account.  It makes me wonder if he may have issues with keeping track of his money or with overspending.  

Post # 28
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Unless you’re getting something custom made  (and maybe not even then) you run the risk of someone else already having had a bad experience with the ring. Proposals where the answer was “no” and who knows what else & the ring having been returned (or the stone returned).

I think engraving the band is an awesome idea to personalize it to your relationship!

Post # 29
Member
787 posts
Busy bee

I don’t see any problem with using a second hand ring, when I was first considering diamonds, that way the only way I was okay with getting a diamond. My Darling Husband had initially planning on using a family ring for me and just gave it reset as it was a design he knew I wouldn’t like. I ended up going with moissanite instead, but I’d wear the ering & band with pride. That’s money he saved that can go to something for both of you instead of just on your finger. 

Post # 30
Member
527 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

If you love the ring I think there is nothing wrong with it being second hand. It’s very sweet of his sister to gift the ring, and it’s not like it came from your FI’s ex or something weird like that.

Keep it if you like it 🙂

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