Everyone’s saying to trust your gut and go with your feelings, etc. Well they don’t understand you’re an INTJ/INTP analytical type. Not everyone operates and makes decisions the same way.
You seem more like an INTP to me – you don’t seem to lead with Introverted Intuition, but rather Introverted Thinking. You actually seem quite weak on Introverted Intuition, which would fit with INTP. Extroverted Intuition, the secondary funtion of INTP, is more about noticing patterns, principles, and frameworks in the external world of data and drawing “intuition” from the subconsciouls processing of that data. With weak Introverted Intuition, you are NOT likley to “go with your gut.”
At any rate, I’m not sure I can be of any help to you. I’m an analytical type with strong feeling element. Both Fiance and I are INFJ’s, so we operate quite well together. I’m not sure I could make it work with someone so opposite to me.
I hope the discussion here can help your Extroverted Intuition function enough to force your Introverted Thinking to one side or the other. It must be incredibly frustrating to feel stuck on such an important topic.
I thought to google INTP’s in the Grip, and what that looks like to see if anything fit, and came across this tidbit that is entirely relevant:
“Introverted Thinking types may notice and comment on what they consider to be inappropriate, irrelevant, even histrionic communication styles and behavior, which they often attribute to Extraverted Feeling types or Extraverted Intuitive types with auxiliary Feeling (ENFPs).They may treat such people with disdain and in turn may be seen as hypercritical, dismissive, and lacking in social graces.”
Also, in looking at what can trigger an INTP to go into grip-mode, one INTP shared her experience: “other people becoming very emotional, excessive control from other people, others encroaching on my responsibilities, having to rely on others who—I feel—are not competent.”
Two of those triggers seem likely here given your relationship with a feeling type who you feel is somewhat incompetent.
You seem to take MBTI witha grain of salt, though, so I won’t keep quoting.