(Closed) Secret Marriage…

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 16
1555 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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arcusiris:  That is so unfortunate! I feel so badly that you have had to go through that with your mother in law. 

And I also feel for your husband having his mother be so uncaring to disown him.

I hope for both of your sakes that she will get over her issues in time, and that they will recognize the love you share.

Post # 18
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014


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arcusiris:  Wow. Even though I don’t feel you and your DH went about things perfectly, his mom could not have handled it in a worse way. I feel for you and your DH. I’m sure you are both thankful that your side of the family is so supportive.

Post # 19
4038 posts
Honey bee

What a controlling, manipulative witch! Since she doesn’t work, I suggest she get a hobby – she has too much time on her hands, if she’s always plotting against you.

Post # 20
1731 posts
Bumble bee

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arcusiris:  I’m so sorry to hear that this happened to you!!! His mother sounds very familiar to me unfortunately. This is one of the things I had to talk to my Fiance about before we got engaged. I expressed that the lack of boundaries established for my Future Mother-In-Law scared me…so much so that I had to weigh out if marrying into this family is in my best interest. Luckily, my Fiance is awesome and listened to me. My Fiance has since established the boundaries necessary to make me feel comfortable regarding such a controlling and manipulative Future Mother-In-Law. I get the fear of losing monetary support, because people like that will try to hurt you in any way possible if they have the power to do so. My Fiance actually works for the family business, so any decision that was made that my Future Mother-In-Law didn’t approve of was met with a pay-cut threat. Threatening someone’s livelyhood is stressful to say the least! This is one of the main reasons why prior to getting engaged, I told my Fiance that we will take care of our wedding on our own. I was afraid that our wedding would be at risk of being cancelled on a whim by my Future Mother-In-Law if she was allowed to have that control. Like an above poster stated, your husband essentially will have to “grow a pair”. You two are young, so there is no telling when he will be ready to establish the necessary boundaries with his mom. Have a conversation with your husband and see how he feels on this topic. She may come around after some time elapses, but your husband still has a responsibility to do when that happens….to stand up for you and make you feel more comfortable.

I hope that everything works out in the end. Update us if you can too.

***Sidenote*** Here is a link that I found that describes my Future Mother-In-Law. Sharing articles like this helped my Fiance identify the problem and be better able to cope/ improve the situation for our sanity. Check it out and see if your Mother-In-Law fits into this category. From what you have shared she might, but she may not. I don’t want to assume that your situation is the same as mine. I actually sincerely hope that it’s not. If it is however, this may help you and your husband gain a better understanding. Best of luck to you And your husband 🙂



Post # 21
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I like the idea of having a vow renewal when you have more money. That is what my husband and I are doing. It is for us but also to soothe my parents because they were very upset when we eloped in 2010. My husband and I told them right away but they still cut us off for a year. I knew that if I allowed my parents to take over my wedding, they would have tried to take over our marriage as well. 

It is hard to say “I’m a grown up and I can do what I want!” when parents are footing the bill for your life. It appears that your race and culture are a problem for your in-laws. Sometimes in-laws come around once a grandchild is born. I hope that things can improve as in-law problems are stressful on a marriage. 

Post # 22
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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arcusiris:  you dont need any of their crap

best of luck to you. it will all work out. glad you dont have to put up with such narrowmindedness as well as racist in laws now that the parents have severed their ties.

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