(Closed) secret wedding, going anon for this. please help!

posted 6 years ago in Legal
Post # 31
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Morton Arboretum

Why don’t you have a private ceremony (small) but not have it be legally binding. 

Then do the legal ceremony with the Big wedding.

This way there is no secret, no one can legally get in trouble.

You get your small intimate ceremony just between you and your future husband, commit yourselves to each other, but not be legally married until the big parent wedding.

Post # 32
Member
444 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
leisha606:  That isn’t true, and as a PP said, why bother answering her question if you don’t actually know the law? As numerous people have said, her parents could still claim her as a dependent if she gets married and does not file jointly with her husband.

Post # 33
Member
2453 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
leisha606:  She actually can be depending on support and if she files jointly or not.

 

For anyone curious, the IRS has a “can I claim someone as a dependent” quistionaire on their website: http://www.irs.gov/uac/Who-Can-I-Claim-as-a-Dependent%3F

If I answer the questions like I’m a parent of a daughter who is married, 23, a full-time student, and took half her support from me, the quiz says she can be considered my dependent.

Post # 35
Member
7566 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You can’t have it both ways. If you don’t want the event your parents are paying for, then decline their money. Your parents are paying for a wedding, not a vow renewal. It’s a cop-out to sneak around and have a secret wedding but still take their money. 

Post # 36
Member
3229 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
larena4800: You really have no problem lying to your parents about your legal status while taking tens of thousands of dollars from then in tuition? And then tens of thousands to pay for a fake wedding later down the road? If you can’t support yourself and you can’t put yourself through school and you can’t even muster up the courage to tell your parents the truth about what you want or what you’re going to do – maybe you should not be getting married. Legally or for show. 

Post # 37
Member
297 posts
Helper bee

In order for your parents to claim you as a dependent, you and your spouse have to file taxes “married filing separately”.

How are you so sure your 5 friends won’t tell anyone about you being married for a year before the big wedding?

I don’t know how your culture’s wedding work, but most weddings involve signing the license in front of an officiant at the ceremony- how are you going to explain this missing license to the officiant and your parents? If an officiant doesn’t sign it it won’t be legal…

Post # 38
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Not trying to judge but seriously- Have you thought about how your parents will feel when you do this? Your extended family? 

Especially as they’re paying for your grad school!?  And then not tell them and have them pay for a grand affair- my parents would be so hurt it would do serious damage to that relationship. It’s lying about something BIG for a year!

And if they get a call from the IRS about it… Damn. That will be a shit show. In general if you’re thinking about doing something but it has to be a secret… It’s a bad idea. 

If you plan on inviting people to your “secret” wedding… Well that five people knowing will immediately be 10 and so on from there. I would not do this out of respect to my parents.

The right thing to do is to come clean or wait for your wedding. 

Post # 39
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

While my parents can be annoying and pushy,  I would never disrespect them by having a secret wedding, having them pay for my grad school and a big wedding a year later. That just reeks of entitlement to me.

 

My family is Italian.  Big weddings and parties are their thing. My parents were at first upset when Fi and I told them we were eloping on vacation and having a celebration the weekend we returned. They tried to talk us out of it. We stood our ground. They got over it. My mom has apologized for ever giving us a hard time and she is looking forward to our more intimate celebration.  I never once thought of secretly getting married and taking their money. That’s just wrong on so many levels.

I can’t believe you even think this is a good idea.

Post # 40
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
yumcheez:  I’ve actually never seen anyone sign anything at a wedding. Where do you have to do that? In Illinois even my husband and I didn’t have to sign the license – only the officiant did.

Post # 41
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
larena4800:  If I were you, I would definitely consider having the small ceremony not be the legal ceremony. It takes care of all the problems – you get your intimate experience while committing yourself to your Fiance (just because it isn’t legally binding doesn’t mean it isn’t a meaningful and special event), and your later wedding makes your family happy and then you get legally married. You also skip trying to figure out the legal and tax issues.

But that’s what I would personally do, I like avoiding stress lol

Post # 42
Member
2449 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
larena4800:  Why can’t you just have the secret ceremony be the non-legal one? Do something beautiful and symbolic like handfasting. That would solve all your problems.

And I’m not just seeing the tax problems. It would also put your legal wedding anniversary on the day of your big wedding, which would ensure that your parents don’t have to find out about the secret wedding, ever. I have a feeling your parents would be crushed and upset if they found out about your secret wedding plans. 

I think your choices should either be to stand up to your parents or have the legal ceremony on the big day. Anything else is extremely short-sighted and disrespectful to your parents–who are supporting you financially.

Post # 43
Member
11375 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m all for secret ceremonies, but in this case, you are involving your parents tax return, and for that reason, it’s my opinion that you need to tell them what you are doing. You simply can’t put them in jeopardy of being less than truthful in their taxes. 

Post # 44
Member
4234 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
larena4800:  Why does the secret marriage have to be over a year away? Why can’t it be the week before the wedding? If that won’t work, why can’t the small private ceremony be something more like a commitment ceremony and not be legal? 

Honestly, I understand where you’re coming from, but I can’t say I agree with your decisions. I could never do something like this to my parents and then LIE about it for a whole year. I guess that’s the part that really bothers me. I find it a touch selfish and disrespectful. 

There are other ways to make both you and Fiance and both sets of family happy that dont involve secretly getting married and lying for a year.

Post # 45
Member
7566 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

The more I think of this, the madder I get. It’s so deceptive, and the OP would rather deceive her parents (even if it impacts their taxes) and continue to allow them to support her (even though she is lying to them AND would have a husband who should be the on,y one supporting her) than be honest with them. It makes me so angry and so sad. 

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