Post # 46
If you aren’t enough of an adult to talk to your parents or control your own wedding or think that lying and decieving people is a better idea, then you probably aren’t mature enough to get married. being an adult means making mature and tough decisions.
Post # 47
Here is what I would consider doing if this were my situation:
A) I would hold a non-legally binding commitment ceremony the day of or before the big wedding. It would be a sweet, private, and meaningful ceremony meant only for myself, my Fiance, and anyone else I chose to include.
B) I would inform my parents that I am uncomfortable with the wedding that they are planning and see if there was anyway to scale things back. If not, I would politely decline the money and deal with the consequences.
Now, you already mentioned that option B really isn’t something you can consider since you guys are unwilling to damage your relationships with family. I get that and think it is good you know that that isn’t the right option for you guys.
That said I really suggest you avoid having a legally-binding ceremony before the big wedding though. . . not because you want it to be secret, but because you are involving your parents’ finances in this situation.
As for what you are attempting to plan to do, I honestly can’t give you any help on that because I have no experience working in Accounting or Law. If you do decide that is the path you want to take, then seriously do your research ahead of time so you know exactly what to do to keep your parents’ finances secure – and consider not having any friends there to share the day because you can never be 100% certain that someone won’t accidentally mention something.
Post # 48
thanks for all the advice, bees. i appreciate both your support and criticism.
my fiance and I decided to do a symbolic ceremony with just our closest friends this year and have our big, legal wedding next year.
Post # 49
I’m glad you guys were able to come up with a compromise. This seems like a very reasonable solution and I hope the commitment ceremony is everything you two are hoping for. 🙂
Post # 50
After reading through the comments, I have a book suggestion for you: read “Shopaholic ties the knot” for ideas on how to have two weddings paid for by others without any of the people paying realizing what you have done.